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Loving Someone with Depression

mentalhealth.org.uk

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Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#191

Post by mietek »

ir123 wrote: post #159
nus07 wrote: post #73

I suffer from depression and oscillate between days of high productivity and days of listlessness. I am a fairly decent programmer who has cracked FAANG interviews and got PIPed out of one in the past mostly due to my depression . I now work at a job which pays me well but is nowhere close to FAANG levels and I am fine with that because I need a job that allows me the 1-2 days in two weeks where I can barely do anyth…

Hi, I'm pretty much in the same situation. I have bursts of high productivity and then periods where I cant get out of bed. It's not bipolar because it's not random, there are things that trigger the change. I also had offers from FAANG but I purposely did not take it because I know myself and I know that these companies are not forgiving. I did something much more risky and moved to an ecommerce firm in Europe. I th…

> It's not bipolar because it's not random, there are things that trigger the change.

I am not a mental health professional, and neither are you. Perhaps you can use the opportunity that you have right now, living in Europe, to access free public health services, and seek professional advice.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#192

Post by mqnfred »

ir123 wrote: post #159
nus07 wrote: post #73

I suffer from depression and oscillate between days of high productivity and days of listlessness. I am a fairly decent programmer who has cracked FAANG interviews and got PIPed out of one in the past mostly due to my depression . I now work at a job which pays me well but is nowhere close to FAANG levels and I am fine with that because I need a job that allows me the 1-2 days in two weeks where I can barely do anyth…

Hi, I'm pretty much in the same situation. I have bursts of high productivity and then periods where I cant get out of bed. It's not bipolar because it's not random, there are things that trigger the change. I also had offers from FAANG but I purposely did not take it because I know myself and I know that these companies are not forgiving. I did something much more risky and moved to an ecommerce firm in Europe. I th…

Immigrating alone to a previously unknown country is very hard. I did it with my spouse and we struggled a lot.

I also had to stay in my job for 5+ years to keep my visa, I am just out of it now. I also struggle with on-off work ethic. Mostly depends on how interesting the work is (after 6 years it often is not.)

The best advice I have is to find ways to entertain yourself (in ways that make you grow, OR NOT) aside from the job. Looks like you’re thinking about it A LOT, for understandable reasons.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#193

Post by ravishi »

YXNjaGVyZWdlbgo wrote: post #176
R0b0t1 wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see a lot of people talking about their bipolar diagnosis that has no or very little manic component. Why call it bipolar then? It's just cyclical major depression.

There are different forms of Bipolar the most publicly known form is BP1 with Psychosis or what people call the manic component. People with BP2 (they never get really manic or get psychosis) have episodes that are called Hypomania which are debilitating for some even more than manic episodes. Here is a nice chart at how these hypomania episodes feel. https://imgur.com/a/9d0MrnD

I find it quite hard to not feel like I've lived or felt many of the symptoms on the second column.

Yet, when I searched for help the diagnosis seemed rushed and I decided not to take lithium. Years later after much therapy a new psi prescribed me an SSRI. It did wonders to my anxiety and subsided the thoughts of taking my life. But the main motivational problems persist.

Now I'm convinced to stop taking them because they make me kinda numb. It's like I miss crying or taking some issues as serious and important.

Then a question arises: just from taking SSRIs these two years and not going nuts, does that prove I'm not bipolar?

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#194

Post by gjulianm »

orasis wrote: post #37

Yeah sorry. I’m not going to just listen. A lot of the time you need to push them to take the next step because they are STUCK. Go exercise, eat some healthy food, take your damn meds, try new meds, try ketamine if suicidal, try psilocybin if treatment resistant. But coddling depression just drags it out longer and digs the spiral deeper. Yes, it is a disease which means it needs to be treated.

It is a fine balance. Sometimes you'll need to push someone, but sometimes that push will make them feel worse while not actually changing anything.

What I've learned is that there are no general easy solutions on how to deal with someone that is depressed. Even when someone says "X worked for me", you might find that it only worked because other things they did brought them to a stage where they were ready to accept X and it could work for them.

The only real advice I can give is that sometimes you'll need to listen, other you'll need to push, sometimes you'll need to listen and wait before you can push, or viceversa. But you'll never really know when to do each or how to do them. Try to get them to a therapist (this can be hard already) that knows what to do and if they need medication, but other than that just be attentive and compassionate. There's no magic solution.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#195

Post by hackerfromthefu »

noduerme wrote: post #168
joeman1000 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is such a block-headed view and I hope no one reading will actually take it to heart. Mens emotions and mental health are just as valid as a woman’s. Absolutely hypocritical and dangerous viewpoint to hold.

Nah, it's been the default view of all of humanity for the past few hundred thousand years. I opened and closed by saying it was stone-aged, but it isn't without merit just because it's suddenly out of fashion. And as far as being "dangerous", it's not physically dangerous. Or, no more so than a woman staying with a man who takes his depression out on her. Which is a very dangerous thing, indeed. It's all good to say…

Equal rights, Equal responsibilities.

It's not just block-headed its much worse its plainly abusive to half the human race

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#196

Post by kybernetyk »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #110
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

My wife does this too. Granted, I’m diagnosed with ADHD, but when it comes to chores I’m kind of battle-hardened and quite diligent. I found trying to get ahead of chores very demoralizing and exhausting. My wife hasn’t found a solution yet. She will sleep in until 11 on a weekend and get out of bed only to get upset with what hasn’t yet been done. She does very little with herself outside of work. Like your wife, an…

Hmm, one of my past girlfriends (we had a very long term relationship) was like this. I left her.

I think I did the right thing when I read through all the comments in this thread.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#197

Post by ravishi »

TranquilMarmot wrote: post #125
ycombinete wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> have some side effects that have effected us. I assume part of this is the typical effect that she now has almost no libido

To be fair, depression has enough of an effect on libido on its own

Including the effect of lifting it up to unhealthy levels.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#198

Post by hackerfromthefu »

nus07 wrote: post #73

I suffer from depression and oscillate between days of high productivity and days of listlessness. I am a fairly decent programmer who has cracked FAANG interviews and got PIPed out of one in the past mostly due to my depression . I now work at a job which pays me well but is nowhere close to FAANG levels and I am fine with that because I need a job that allows me the 1-2 days in two weeks where I can barely do anyth…

Sounds like your partner has been good to you as you said you recognize it. After that you said you tend to be critical or blame her.

I hope you show her the appreciation to make it good :) For you both :)

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#199

Post by goodpoint »

reidjs wrote: post #34
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

I went through the exact same thing, except with a girlfriend not a wife. 100% agree that it’s important to keep your own mental health strong before you can help them. But that is exceptionally hard when they are trying to bring you down to their state at every opportunity.

They are not "trying to bring you down to their state" just as much as a person on a wheelchair is not trying to make you go around slowly.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#200

Post by hackerfromthefu »

kindadepressing wrote: post #80
rubicon33 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey there... As someone who is now in their mid 30's, but whos depression started in their early 20s, let me beg you - do not wait to get treatment. It won't go away, and it will take years from you. Don't let it take what should be some of the best years of your life. If you don't approach depression as a disease that needs treatment, then you will resist doing anything about it and it will silently suck the joy out…

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

You've tried many things, and I have two suggestions that may help, social connections and yoga. You can do both together at some yoga studios with events like the kiirtaan singing as well as the exercise classes. ps Yoga rather than other exercises as it regulates hormones and organs as well as other benefits of exercise.

And regular yoga brings feelings of joy, adds delicious juiciness to life.

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