Amazing.
"I caved and sent him a message asking him to please stop messaging me so much or I’d block him."
... "so much or I'd block him." <--- the stalker?
I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
191–200 of 256 posts
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#192Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…
you're railing against the observation, making discussion of the causes difficult and therefore possible solution discovery possible. If we are to tackle social problems, we can't argue about language of the problem for fear of being branded as *ist we don't do this about high blood pressure, or diabetes. The way you are arguing is actually a logical extension of the original observation in the parent. The original s…
No, you missed the point. It's not that men and women are the same. It's that men do understand societal pressures and it's sexist to imply otherwise.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#193Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…
It is not sexist to observe that, in many or most societies on Earth, men and women are systematically treated differently in many social and professional contexts. Nor is it "perpetuating a gender bias" to posit that some of this difference in experiences between the genders may cause one group to be more affected by some societal pressures than the other. I'm not saying it is one way or the other. Regardless, playi…
That's not what is being called sexist. What is sexist is claiming men can't understand societal pressures.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#194I knew two women who were being stalked online. Both took physical violence to end their stalking.
The first woman I told a friend about. We worked together as landscapers for a local company. He was a low level drug dealer and had some sketchy friends. The more I talked about her and the ongoing saga, he finally told me for a few hundred bucks, he could get it to stop. A few weeks went by and I didn't think much about it, until she said her stalkers messages started going up a notch just like in the story.
I never told her, but I found out the guy's name and after a quick DOXing, I found out where he lived and some other useful information like the bars he frequented. I paid my buddy $200 and turned the information I had on my friends stalker over to him. A week later, my friend said she stopped getting messages from the guy. I found out much later he sent two of his "associates" over to talk to the guy at work. They got him out in the parking lot and assaulted him pretty good. Broken nose, busted lip and several broken ribs. They warned him they would come back and pay him another visit if he didn't stop stalking my friend. It did work and less than a year later, she graduated and moved out of the city.
The other situation was very similar. Another friend of mine was being stalked by a college ex-boyfriend. He was unrelenting, showing up at her work, following her to the bar, and other strange stuff. She finally told her father about after almost two years of him stalking her. Her dad was an ex-marine and had done several tours in Vietnam. He was a quiet guy, but you could tell you didn't want to cross him.
She lived in the city where we were going to college, so most of the time, she lived at home. Her stalker made the mistake of following her home one day. She went in and her Dad asked why there was a car parked down the street. She went to look out the window and knew it was her crazy ex and told her Dad to call the police. Instead, he told her to call the police and hurry because something bad was about to happen. He took his handgun and went through the backyards in order to sneak up on his car. He yanked him out of the car (he later said, "You should have seen the terror in his eyes!") and slammed him on the ground and put the gun in his face and told him he knew who he was and if he ever came near his daughter he would make sure he would walk with a limp the rest of his life or worse. He make it clear not to mess with him or his family ever again. The cops showed up a few minutes later and arrested him for an outstanding warrant and thanked her Dad for calling them. Thankfully, that was the end of her ordeal.
I would never advocate violence in these situations, but when you feel helpless, sometimes there are no other alternatives.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#195Earlier quoted context omitted.
You're blaming the victim. Do you really believe she didn't tell him no clearly? > Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested No, that's not the problem, women get plenty of experience with that. People should not stalk or harass, period.
People should not stalk or harass. Authorities and all other members of society should take stalking and harassing seriously. BUT potential victims should take reasonable measures to protect themselves too(not saying that a "firm rejection" is enough or even safe though). I hope Internet safety instruction becomes more of a thing in our education system.
I know and the post did mention such a firm rejection. I'm just stating that the problem is rather that there are people who don't take no for an answer.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#196What I've read from the article, beside the obvious, is how unaware people are about how technology works.
"With Apple and Google unable to help ...".
She thinks Apple and Google should help with spoofed mails b/c an Apple mail client is used and the spoofed email was from a Gmail address.
Also not understanding identity theft:
"including Danny’s latest identity theft."
Also not understanding the difference between civil legal action and crimes.
In most western countries education about technology and how it works is insufficient. Same goes for law basics that help with life.
Edit: I don't blame this in any way on her.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#197Earlier quoted context omitted.
you're railing against the observation, making discussion of the causes difficult and therefore possible solution discovery possible. If we are to tackle social problems, we can't argue about language of the problem for fear of being branded as *ist we don't do this about high blood pressure, or diabetes. The way you are arguing is actually a logical extension of the original observation in the parent. The original s…
No, you missed the point. It's not that men and women are the same. It's that men do understand societal pressures and it's sexist to imply otherwise.
The societal pressures tend to be different, and it is not sexist to say that members of each gender may not immediately understand the particulars of the pressure they receive.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#198There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…
> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…
Both genders receive societal pressure. But they receive different societal pressure. It is not sexist to suggest that members of a gender many not understand the particulars of the pressure experienced by the other gender.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#199Earlier quoted context omitted.
It is not sexist to observe that, in many or most societies on Earth, men and women are systematically treated differently in many social and professional contexts. Nor is it "perpetuating a gender bias" to posit that some of this difference in experiences between the genders may cause one group to be more affected by some societal pressures than the other. I'm not saying it is one way or the other. Regardless, playi…
That's not what is being called sexist. What is sexist is claiming men can't understand societal pressures.
And no one is claiming that. What is being claimed is that it is hard for men to understand this particular societal pressure that women experience.
That is, if a man understands the concepts of societal pressures, they still may not be immediately aware of this societal pressure; it may not be obvious to them, as they do not experience it.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#200Earlier quoted context omitted.
No, the grandparent post was saying that men were similarly influenced by societal pressures. It wasn't downplaying the societal pressure.
The situation for the genders is asymmetric and so the effects of non-conformance have different outcomes. If I had to post an "all lives matter" argument in a thread about racism on blacks it would absolutely be downplaying racism, even if the statement is technically correct.
I would like to mention my sympathies are with that lady, saying that it was here fault for not being rude is obnoxious. There is way too little being done about stalking and other repeated behaviours that aggregate to the detriment of someones life.
Just so you don't get me wrong.