I live very close to a couple dozen of my favourite people. I’d like to move out of the shithole state I live in, and began seriously planning it until I realised that it would never be worth trading the proximity.
Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
181–190 of 517 posts
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#182Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. This part of choosing where to live is so important and hard to articulate. I remember when I moved from small town to small town, then finally out to Silicon Valley. The first thing I noticed was the billboards by the side of 101. They were about programming frameworks, iPhones, h…
Hmm, tangentially related, but how would you say SF changed? Where would you get this feeling of SF back then nowadays? Thought about giving SF a visit in summer as an aspiring software engineer & entrepreneur but curious to what you think about it.
As a former SF resident who visits frequently, I still think it’s a unique and wonderful city. I would move back in a heartbeat if the weather were not so foggy and cold compared to southern California. Visit! And explore the whole bay area. Berkeley especially.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#183I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…
I grew up in a suburban house with a backyard that opened to many acres of swamplands and nature preserves. It was also a bicycle ride away to go to a few different parks, the movie and video game rental store in the same strip as a corner store with all kinds of snacks and ice cream, go visit Space Center Houston, go fishing on the lake, and even take a canoe all the way to the bay. I had friends in my neighborhood,…
I'm curious what suburb you're in, that sounds nice.
Grade separated bike trails and train service is something most suburbs in the US lack (though they might have recreational bike trails that don't go to the centre of town).
Visiting Houten in the Netherlands is a reminder that you can have a boring suburb that still gives kids freedom.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#184Earlier quoted context omitted.
No you can’t, because the depth, pace, and honesty of conversation doesn’t exist online
This has not been my experience. Are you just trying to find that level of communication in places like this?
It is not possible for it to exist in any text based forum because it depends on:
* body language, non verbal communication
* the ability to respond instantly
* the ability to interrupt
* the ability do develop relationships over time
Which do not exist altogether anywhere on the internet
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#185[deleted]
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#186I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…
That is true. I would love to have intellectual friends who like the arts, like pottery, writing, and music. I imagine those hobbies to be very affordable. > cultural preference to isolate oneself In retrospect, we, as a society, developed this notion of private property. Consumerism and mass media did this to us. But historically, we did not own much. Someone would hunt and gather, and the elders would stay and look…
"Private property"* in the sense you're using it here likely already existed by the the time of hunter gatherers. In some senses it even exists in many animals. The more common term for it is personal property: "this is my house, you can't live here; those are my scraps, you can't have them". Many animals also have their own nests, that they will defend from others; or even their own territory where only they hunt, and which they will fight others trying to encroach on.
This is the type of property that is the most natural actually, and I can't really see what it has to do with isolation. Even an idealized communist society (think Ursula LeGuinn, not Stalin) would still have this type of property, and consumerism (accumulating doodads you use every day) would still be a possible risk.
* in these types of discussions, when discussing the origins of such basic concepts, private property is often understood to refer to ownership of goods you are not directly using on a day-to-day basis. If you live in a house, that's personal property. If you own a house someone else lives in, that's private property. And this is indeed a much newer idea in human society (though still much, much older than media).
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#187I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…
> "the real me"
I'm not sure the past you is the real you. People change and childhood friendships are mostly circumstantial. Would you befriend those people if you met them now? If not, than those relationships are kept by the power of nostalgia.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#188Yes of course. Intentional communities of like minded people are the alternative to atomarisation of strangers living next to strangers with fake smiles and talking behind the back as the standard social interaction. Easier said then done, though in most cases, but worth it wherever possible.
Have you spent time around intentional communities? It's possible you're taking a looser meaning of the phrase than I am, but Intentional Communities have no shortage of toxicity and drama, especially since by their nature these communities filter for people for whom the 'default world' didn't work. That's not to say the concept is bad, but it's very very easy for even a good group to rapidly devolve, the clearer hea…
"Have you spent time around intentional communities?"
Yes and I know what you are talking about, but I was indeed using it more in a loose meaning, like friends moving intentionally close together and living in houses next to each other and sharing common ressources like a sauna and take turns in babysitting. Not necessarily sharing one kitchen and bathroom together. But for some this also works, for me only with certain people.
"or (historically) a religious cause"
And that is still a thing. Personally my common cause would be building open source technology together.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#189Earlier quoted context omitted.
This has not been my experience. Are you just trying to find that level of communication in places like this?
It is not possible for it to exist in any text based forum because it depends on: * body language, non verbal communication * the ability to respond instantly * the ability to interrupt * the ability do develop relationships over time Which do not exist altogether anywhere on the internet
It sounds to me like you’re just describing the limitations of textual communication, which I agree is limited in all the ways you have written in this post except the last.
But, it’s entirely possible to have thoughtful, deep, honest discussions with individuals over a textual medium and to develop meaningful relationships in that way. I have done so. Often these relationships start in a more open public setting and become more meaningful in a private space, similarly to real life.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#190Earlier quoted context omitted.
My father see his college and high schools friends in teashops almost everyday. They just sit, sometimes eat. All come and go. No long term planning. Just phone calls.
Did you possibly reply to the wrong comment? If not: I don’t think it’s a realistic goal, at least in a typical Western country, for a person with a young family and a full time job to manage to meet up with friends, who are not co-workers, almost every day.
I intended to reply to you. Nope, my parents don't reside in a western country and they all have private businesses and we are relatively well-off.
But even those who are not well-off or business owners will do this.