First is first, quit coming to HN for a month. As you say you have high karma but with an un-satisfying job. That is not a good mix. When you read about all the start-ups hitting it big, some 25 year olds who solved a real world problem and are 'rock stars now' ..that might make you feel like you have not accomplished much. Every person makes their own destiny, different strokes for different folks. As fred said: find a middle ground. if you've written books you should not have a problem landing a job close to home that is somewhat satisfying.
HN Help: I'm lost
171–180 of 272 posts
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#172Earlier quoted context omitted.
> but full-time "normal" employment works for me Never forget that someone else's ambition is what allows for your relative stability.
And that someone is getting an (arguably) fair slice of the value you produce in exchange for it. What's the problem?
Not a problem. Just something that should be consciously acknowledged and accepted as best against alternatives, not something that is unconsciously drifted into due to inertia, familial/societal expectations, or anything else that removes the individual from a sense of responsibility for their decisions.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#173this is absolutely a great post.
Not only because what lostsheep posted, but the quality of the responses people on here(HN) are replying back with.
Just unreal. I'm so that lostsheep posted this.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#174Pull an "Office Space". I am serious. Only go into the office when you feel like it. Do things that you enjoy, watch some kung-fu movies with your kids or whatever. It can take months to fire someone as long as you don't get into a fight, and you'll get severance. When your boss gives you shit about your work hours, literally tell him "Sorry, I have a meeting with the consultants" and leave for the day. You're talent…
Office Space was a movie. A good movie, but a movie, nonetheless. It taps into human fantasies about being trapped in a cubicle, turning the tables, lashing out at our oppressors, etc. But it doesn't represent reality. Working for someone else is a voluntary association, not slavery or imprisonment.
Note that at the end of the movie, the people in the movie have grown up a little bit, and realized that all the stuff they did was unnecessary. They can do anything they want with their lives, because the world is full of possibility. So, sure, watch Office Space, but take away that ending message rather than an insane plan for wreaking havoc on your boss and coworkers.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#175Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's a cruel way to look at it. If the guy is more interested in spending time with his family than working, and he's able to find someone who values his 8 hours enough to provide stable employment, then he's found a working arrangement that suits his values. As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty.
As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty. Totally agree. But these values are so often a societal default, and so often never thought about except in how to extrapolate with those values as a basis. Making a point like this can result in one of three things: the reader already though of this, and acknowledges it as such; the…
> or, the reader feels a sense of cognitive dissonance, and starts to analyze the statement in the context of their core values.
This is a good way of looking at it - it's a form of self-delusion, if you ask me.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#176Check out Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning (it's a slim volume) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#177Earlier quoted context omitted.
His family might disagree.
Which would deprive his wife and children more? a) Fewer expensive toys, a smaller/no TV, a small house, cheap clothes, and public school? b) A father and husband so busy repressing his pain, so trapped in the anguish of seeing his identity drowned, that he cannot express his true love and strength to them? His family will benefit infinitely more from the joy of his liberation, and his children from the example of a…
If the choice were between a big house and a modest house, expensive clothes and cheap clothes, private school and public school, I'd probably make some major life changes too. But here's the thing. I already live with two kids in a small 2br house in an unfashionable corner of an expensive city (San Francisco). I already buy my clothes at relatively inexpensive stores, and expensive private schools are already out of the question. My family depends heavily on my income, and while I'm not struggling and wouldn't call myself impoverished under any circumstances, there isn't a lot of room on that ladder to step down.
I'm not as accomplished as the OP, but he may be in a similar financial state. Another big difference is that I don't have a difficult boss, and my commute and working hours do allow me a couple hours with my kids in the evening, along with weekends mostly free. So I'm definitely, definitely, definitely not saying he shouldn't feel this way, or suggesting that he's complaining. I'm just saying, I get it, I understand why his situation is a very difficult one.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#178First, feel a little good about yourself. From what I can imagine from your profile, you are definitely in top 1% in the world and have no reason whatsoever to have sleepless nights.
If I was you I would do the following : - Take a short vacation. A change will help you think fresh. No matter what you decide to do with your life, take a vacation first.
- Quit your job. You certainly don't like the way things are, probably tired of being taken advantage of. Show your company the finger and see how things start falling in line. You will be surprised to see how they propose things getting better at your company. You may then decide to stay back.
You may also choose to go into Freelance/Consulting mode, but with a family to support that may be a bit hard.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#179I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.
This is fine advice. I would only note that it also applies to many other people in the world whose job description is isomorphic to "priest".
Agree. The thing about talking to a talk-therapist / counselor / psychologist / priest... is that they are outside of your world, they don't know all the drama and back-story, and when you talk to them you are in a way outside of your everyday world, able to look in upon it from the outside and perhaps see things differently, more clearly (hopefully). Sometimes our personal drama and back-story and life-scaffolding is what gets in the way.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#180Don't cling to external power.
Needing to have something to show is letting an external power guide you. Needing to owna house and having savings is the same. You're effectively expecting something of yourself that you think other people expect of you in order to consider you good.
Forget that. You are already good.
Don't think in terms of what you should do, what you can't do, what you must you, what you ought not to do, and open a fresh viewpoint about simply what you want.
Any issue it is, it comes down to that you either want it or you don't want it.
Even if your family asked you do drag on and suffer because of security, it would eventually be your own choice based on whether you want to do that crap or not. Nobody can't force you.
That's all. No should, no can, no must, and other externalities but cherish your internal power instead and decide what you want.