One approach that has helped me get some perspective in situations when my mind is churning out negative thoughts and feelings such as you are experiencing is a cognitive behavioral approach based on mindfulness. Try having a look at http://thehappinesstrap.com .
HN Help: I'm lost
161–170 of 272 posts
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#162I am probably not a typical HN reader, but full-time "normal" employment works for me. I do software engineering and coding for 8 hours, then I go home, where I see my child, and there is a paycheck every month. So the advice I can give is - find another programming job, which is closer to your home, and chances are your boss will be better. That can solve the problem with money, boss, and time for your child. Regard…
> but full-time "normal" employment works for me Never forget that someone else's ambition is what allows for your relative stability.
And that someone is getting an (arguably) fair slice of the value you produce in exchange for it. What's the problem?
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#163Earlier quoted context omitted.
I shudder at the thought of HN turning into Slashdot, where know-it-alls feel the need to hijack any genuine religious feeling or discussion by injecting the latest anti-religion meme picked up from the intertubes. As of this writing the grandparent is voted down, so maybe the change is already happening. But I felt the grandparent was at least a good faith attempt toward something readable and interesting, whereas t…
""I shudder at the thought of HN turning into Slashdot, where know-it-alls feel the need to hijack any genuine religious feeling or discussion by injecting the latest anti-religion meme picked up from the intertubes." And I shudder at the thought of HN turning into a place where appeals for advice are met by "Turn to $Diety, who watcheth over us all". That something may be believed with high conviction is not a measu…
From http://ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
"On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity."
I'm sorry if religion does not gratify your intellectual curiosity, but the grandparent post was genuinely on topic and may gratify the curiosity of any hacker who is interested in religious feelings.
Notice that I didn't say anything about my religious beliefs, or whether I even have them, yet you seem to be making assumptions about what they are. Furthermore, though you claim you don't want HN to have religious debates, there was no religious argument until you started posting.
It looks as though you define a forum free of endless religious flames as a forum where everyone believes the same way you do, or else is silent about it. I say "looks as though" because I would hesitate to accuse anyone directly of holding such a deplorable position--and it should be obvious to any of what pg called the "intellectually curious" why such a position is so deplorable.
If HN is to be free of religion-targeted flames, why are you posting religion-targeted flames? If you want HN discussions not to be motivated by religious conviction, why do you try to effect its presence?
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#164Nothing you do will make you happy so changing job (or wife or anything else you name it) doesn't help that much. Everyone suffered the same feeling as you do at one point or another. The question is are those thoughts real? How can you handle it when they arise?
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#165Pull an "Office Space". I am serious. Only go into the office when you feel like it. Do things that you enjoy, watch some kung-fu movies with your kids or whatever. It can take months to fire someone as long as you don't get into a fight, and you'll get severance. When your boss gives you shit about your work hours, literally tell him "Sorry, I have a meeting with the consultants" and leave for the day. You're talented, you'll get another job, and there is a decent chance you will not even be fired. They will let you work from home or in a different dept. after your boss complains about you to his boss.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#166I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.
This is fine advice. I would only note that it also applies to the many other people in the world whose job description is isomorphic to "priest".
(Very sorry for the redundancy, BTW. Not sure how it happened, and I can no longer fix it.)
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#167My advice is why don't you start with some simple things first like making small positive changes in your routine. Getting up early, eating healthy, exercising, meditating for 10 min a day. In my experience these small changes infuse me with energy to deal with problems in my life. Once you feel more hopeful and confident about yourself you can decide what is best for you. Weather getting a new job near your place, g…
Do you have any advice on the best way to get started with the simple 10 min meditation?
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#168Earlier quoted context omitted.
> but full-time "normal" employment works for me Never forget that someone else's ambition is what allows for your relative stability.
That's a cruel way to look at it. If the guy is more interested in spending time with his family than working, and he's able to find someone who values his 8 hours enough to provide stable employment, then he's found a working arrangement that suits his values. As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty.
> That's a cruel way to look at it.
I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm reminding him that his (salaried) labor is making someone else wealthy. For those of us who have well developed senses of self-esteem, this is a wholly unacceptable situation.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#169Earlier quoted context omitted.
> but full-time "normal" employment works for me Never forget that someone else's ambition is what allows for your relative stability.
That's a cruel way to look at it. If the guy is more interested in spending time with his family than working, and he's able to find someone who values his 8 hours enough to provide stable employment, then he's found a working arrangement that suits his values. As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty.
As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty.
Totally agree. But these values are so often a societal default, and so often never thought about except in how to extrapolate with those values as a basis.
Making a point like this can result in one of three things: the reader already though of this, and acknowledges it as such; the reader discards the insight as irrelevant or wrong; or, the reader feels a sense of cognitive dissonance, and starts to analyze the statement in the context of their core values.
The statement itself was just matter of fact. I didn't pick up any sense of judgment; more of making the point that A implies B, and that the original commenter should make sure he's comfortable accepting both premises. I don't see anything wrong with making sure that people are consciously aware of what their values imply.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#170Firstly, I'm sorry you feel this way, and I hope the rest of this doesn't sound unsympathetic. Do not stop working. That might be the answer for single, childless people, but not to put too fine a point on it, you have greater responsibilities than your own happiness. Further, you have to consider the possibility that the problem isn't your job, it's you. The many suggestions to see a therapist are good ones. Make sm…
This is an excellent counter-point. I've known a lot of folks who have been unhappy, even after having changed jobs, changed fields of work, gone back to school, started companies, etc.
Depression can be a physical malady, rather than merely an emotional response to your current situation, and if it is, then altering your lifestyle might not help; physical ailments, including long-term depression, generally need medical attention. One way to possibly self-diagnose whether this is the case is if you feel trapped and wanting to escape to anywhere else, or if you feel hopeful and excited (even if a little uncertain) by the thought of doing something else. Surprisingly, there hasn't been much talk of it in this thread, but this feeling is common enough to have a name: Mid-life crisis. You're not abnormal for looking around when you reach your late 30s or 40s and wondering, "WTF? How did I get here?" But, you're lucky enough to be introspective enough to consider the causes and solutions with care, and respond to them intellectually rather than childishly by buying a sports car, cheating on your wife with a teenager, damaging your family with irresponsible behavior, and trying to be cool like you were when you were 20.
Anyway, I'm not saying the advice in all the other comments aren't right, and that you shouldn't change jobs, start a company, give the finger to the establishment, etc. I am saying that you should do so only if that is actually what you want, and not merely jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I am of the opinion that entrepreneurship and being ones own boss is a more fulfilling lifestyle than most others I can think of, but I'm pretty sure it's not for everyone. The risk and stress is much higher, the discomfort level in the early days (which sometimes take years; I'm three years into my current company, and it's just now starting to make me a decent living; it took five with my previous company) can be too much for folks accustomed to being able to buy new things (like clothes, TVs, entertainment, cars, etc.) with regularity. But, if it's what you've always known you wanted to do, but never did, then maybe this little bout of feeling lost will be enough to send you in the right direction.