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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#171

Post by goodoldneon »

ekianjo wrote: post #51
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

you dont give a depression diagnostic based on comments on the internet. and asking oneself questions about their future is not a sign of illness, its what conscious beings usually do.

You could argue that their language was too definitive ("you're depressed"), but it was said to coax OP into seeking professional help. So it's all good

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#172

Post by JSavageOne »

What's stopping you from working remotely and booking a ticket somewhere else? Sounds like you live in a boring area.

I've been traveling and living abroad for the last 4 years after getting sick of the NYC grind. Although I wouldn't sell it as some miracle cure as it definitely has had its ups and downs, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

You don't need to conform to some traditional idea of what life is supposed to look like. Create your own path.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#173

Post by hypefi »

ggm wrote: post #73

Aside from other recommendations here, think about volunteering in some hands on area like a street kitchen, or outreach to homeless people. Firstly because you will gain from the physical activity and a degree of unquestioned gratitude for small acts. Secondly because contact either with or for people at the end of their rope in stronger sense of risk due to poverty will put your own concerns into focus. Not that yo…

Great advice, in the same topic, I like the quote of @naval. Either have children or become a saint, because eventually, you have to find something you love more than you love yourself.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#174

Post by [deleted] »

tootie wrote: post #152
anon92387493 wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

RE: activity This may sound crazy, but join a Crossfit gym. Look on google maps, find one that is convenient, show up, talk to the coach, and sign up for a month. Crossfit is instant community. And you will get fit and feel better about yourself while you do it. Will it solve everything? Maybe not. But there's it's SUCH a simple way to make real progress on isolation, health, and self esteem. There are a million othe…

There's a 1000 similar options. Ballroom dancing, martial arts, bird watching, D&D. Most are happy to have new recruits.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#175

Post by rayiner »

> Still, I'm only in my 30s, and it feels like my life is pretty much done.

The problem may be your mental model of what “life” is. Imagine you were born, like much of the world, in a village in a third world country. Would your conception of life and what it means be conducive to your personal happiness?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#176

Post by ip26 »

zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

The more non-nerdy, the more likely you are to find non-nerdy people

I'd also add the more "regular", the more likely you are to find regular people. The stereotypical events & hobbies recommended for meeting people can unsurprisingly wind up chock-full of outcast-sorts who are also looking to meet people. If you want to find a real group, and a variety of ordinary folks, you want to expressly avoid all the sort of things Lonely Joe Developer would try.

(Nothing wrong with loner types, but a concentrated bunch of loners is not a great foundation for building a strong social group)

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#177

Post by hashin »

ekianjo wrote: post #51
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

you dont give a depression diagnostic based on comments on the internet. and asking oneself questions about their future is not a sign of illness, its what conscious beings usually do.

Agree that depression diagnosis might be wrong. But the therapy is incredibly effective against all the symptoms he has described in details. Therapy is not just for depressed people. I have met different therapists and I was never diagnosed of clinical depression. However, I have faced many of the symptoms that he has described. It makes sense to meet a therapist (if he can afford it) and take their help. Also, in many Indian cities, therapists are generally a way to many social circles, for they act as aggregators. I think it is different in other places, but meeting a therapist (a good one) and taking professional help is the easiest and most preferable route when you hit a rut.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#178

Post by burner-acc-123 »

Sounds like you're in a lot of pain from the meaninglessness and the loneliness. Let the pain happen. Don't get on pills, dont get too drunk or stoned, dont get too wrapped up in work, just sit with the feelings. They'll tell you what you need to know.

I would say, don't be too hard on yourself. Yeah, you're lonely, your job is monotonous and unstimulating. That's real, that's what it is, and that's ok. You're really not having fun. Just be honest with yourself and that will make the burden lighter.

Get yourself sorted. The happiest people I know listened to Stefan Molyneux for years. If I were you I would listen to him for a couple of years.

It's time to feel the pain... No way around it. All the answers are probably not going to please you. Maybe you'll have to make some sacrifices. Just listen to yourself, be honest with yourself, and get yourself sorted.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#179

Post by ethbr0 »

zanzibar735 wrote: post #29
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

Further ideas for activities: - activism: go canvas for a politician you like - charity work: lots of people down at the soup kitchen, the local thrift shop, etc

I cannot say enough nice things about volunteering at a soup kitchen, food pantry, or Habitat for Humanity. Somewhere where people who are not as economically or situationally fortunate as you go.

You'll feel better for doing good things for people who need good things.

And you'll also feel better because it'll give you a truer baseline to look at your own life. Are there things you want to change? Sure! But it's easy to forget what you've got, viscerally.

IMHO, a huge part of suburban malaise is losing touch with what the worst life problems look like. Which isn't to say your problems aren't valid or real! But is to say that "My life is all problems" happens a lot more when we've forgotten the possibility of not having a roof, food in the fridge, electricity and water on, etc.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#180

Post by sheeshkebab »

Honestly, there is not much in the whole diaper changing side of the world so you’re not missing much (and those that are changing diapers likely envy your situation).

In terms of things to do (other than therapy or looking to start changing diapers) - Learn to day trade - it’s a whole other world out there with great community (virtual), and software engineers do well in that environment. Travel the world in your spare time.

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