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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
21–30 of 522 posts
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#22Take all that money, quit, go to Europe, buy a camper, learn how to surf, settle down with a lovely french girl who also likes surfing.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#23Get a cat. Its cuteness helps take your mind off things, and it's easier to keep a cat secret if your landlord doesn't welcome pets.
Having a cat, or at least having a cat as your Twitter avatar, will also help your Elon Musk / Tesla cred online.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#24Earlier quoted context omitted.
> So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to meet people like me. I really don't like myself right now :) I'm looking for a way out from this state, not a way to settle in. It's like you can't treat depression by hanging out with other depressed people, it'll make you worse. > Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently…
Work on yourself first, buddy. Learn to be happy, then people will naturally enter your life and stick around.
That's how it worked in the past! That's what I want to achieve. But there are no people who could enter, at least not in this isolated job.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#25Sex with an unattractive woman is better than no sex at all.
A difference between guys born in the 60/70s vs 90/2000s is that we were a lot less picky about the chicks we banged. Not sure what changed in the culture but I don't think the current situation is optimal for anyone.
BTW, I know that I am not speaking for everyone from these age groups but I am comparing boys I grew up with vs my boys who were born between 1990 and 2004.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#26If you’re in the Bay Area I’ll hang out with you
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#27Some suggestions:
* Train for a 10k run and then train for a half marathon.
* Join a local charity and contribute towards your community.
* Join the military and learn new skills while traveling the world.
* Build something with your hands such as modeling or wood working.
* Write. Writing is a skill so no matter what you are writing it will take some practice.
* Get a pet to raise and cherish it. My cats and dogs are among my closest life companions.
* Go back to school and work on a graduate degree.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#28This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge.
Some tips:
- move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time
- it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should meet platonically
- the easiest way to make friends is an activity: you mentioned a hobby, but it can be anything - a running group, the gym, board games, etc. The more non-nerdy, the more likely you are to find non-nerdy people
- if you're like me, you struggle to make friends because it's not "easy" like it was in college. Friends in your 30s take work: reaching out, texting, scheduling, planning, etc.
- it sounds like you're not in therapy. So let me be the first to tell you that you're depressed (that "apathy" you're feeling is depression). Which is fine, it happens us all. But go to therapy because that's how you solve that. Just try it for a month, no pressure.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#29This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…
Further ideas for activities:
- activism: go canvas for a politician you like
- charity work: lots of people down at the soup kitchen, the local thrift shop, etc
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#30Weigh the ROI of changing your environment vs changing yourself A lot of people on HN are do-it-yourself, bootstrap types. So you'll naturally get "why don't you just do XYZ." There's merit in that, but sometimes changing the environment is more effective. That environment may be literal physical location (closer to friends or activities you're interested in), a job environment (different industry) or, at a smaller s…
I am having a similar problem as OP (in my 30s now but yearn for the social environment of 20 somethings) and am debating digital nomading a bit to change my environment, as where I live seems to pose a lot of psychological inertia since I spent most of my life here and fall into the same patterns - everything seems like I've "been there and done that". The idea of weighing the ROI and being responsible for my own fun is a much needed reminder so thank you for this comment, I really needed it.