Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

I don't think Covid is almost over, but I can confirm burning man has a way of giving people what they need if they come with an open mind. No drugs required.

If you're at all religious, go to church/temple. The religion is often second to the fellowship or community it can foster. Charity work could also help you find someone with similar values, and if you're feeling unfulfilled from work it might help pick you up doing something meaningful.

The older I get, the younger my mind becomes.

> In case someone has any advice beyond finding a hobby, going to therapy, approaching random strangers, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't have any skills other than coding...

I have lots of things I'd like to say and yet the one that jumps out to me the most:

If you don't think you have any skills other than coding, what's one skill other than coding that you'd like to learn?

I ask because I've found that sometimes it has been the easiest for me to meet people in learning environments, maybe for similar dynamics to college. A place where I feel uncertain yet curious to learn more, and often encounter others who are feeling similarly or have learned and are somewhat eager to teach people who want to learn.

This may be similar to "get a hobby" advice, yet I think it differs enough in that it's more about finding a specific skill you are interested in learning. The challenge with some hobbies is that many people who are there may already be very skilled in it and may not want to deal with people who are beginners. That's what I like about learning environments, many often appreciate and welcome learners.

And, I'd guess that an environment with an assumption of curiosity could lead to interpersonal curiosity as well.

I used to teach salsa lessons and I found that a lot of people came to salsa because they wanted to meet others—not necessarily because they wanted to learn salsa—and it would show. As a teacher, I'm not so interested in teaching someone who wants doesn't really want to learn, just wants to use the class to meet others. Conversely, if someone really wants to learn, I'm excited to teach them, and they seem to have more in common with the others who really want to learn.

Not sure if this will help you, I'd love to chat with you more about it here or at the email in my bio, because in helping you figure this out, maybe it'll help me and/or help me help others. If not, that's OK, too. I think you reaching out and asking for help is a huge step, having the courage to open up and show us a little more of what you're struggling with—I believe so much loneliness comes from closing ourselves off from others. So I'm grateful that you asked for this...thank you!

Just wanted to second the traveling and staying at Airbnbs: if you just book a "room" with locals (as opposed to the full place), it's a great way to meet (usually) open minded people with a different culture that can completely reset your expectations of what life is or should be.