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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#161

Post by dinosaurdynasty »

bradlys wrote: post #131
71a54xd wrote: post #122

Fortunately as a socially coy software engineer with limited social skills, I've somehow managed to find a partner with similar interests who gets me. However, after dating in New York for a few years, even with more candor my conversion rate to a third date from Hinge was 5%. This is based on around 40 dates in 2021. For some reason, dating is more palatable for skinny weird guys on the east coast? Women have insane…

You’re a very physically attractive man if you managed to get 40 dates in one year. Your experience will be nothing like that of an average looking man.

That doesn't seem like it makes it better

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#163

Post by [deleted] »

janeerie wrote: post #146
A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am posting this as a person born and raised in a rather small community. I personally do not yearn for the good old days when 'everyone knew everyone' and there were things to do together. We did things together, because of geographical convenience and random chance. We had no other options so we did kids things. Granted, I was lucky to be included in that particular group, because they all were much, much smarter…

I have come to believe that social interaction is like exercising or eating your vegetables. Some people naturally enjoy it; some people don’t. Either way, you will be a healthier person if you do it.

[deleted]

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#164

Post by fleddr »

Not being lonely used to be automatic as society forced you to interact and meet with lots of people just to function.

Religion might force you to church where you meet most of the community regularly. It goes far beyond just the purpose of religion. You'll know about every life event of every member, learn about businesses in the community, might meet new friends or even a spouse. The only social institute that comes close is school but school is not forever.

To stay in touch with friends, you were forced to actually go to them.

To look up information, you were forced to go to a library.

To discover music, forced to go to a record shop.

To eat whilst not cooking, forced to go to a restaurant.

Top enjoy photography or whichever other hobby, forced to go to a hobby club.

So without religion and post-school, as you maximally use all technology and conveniences available, you're now not meeting anybody. Unless you purposefully organize it. The defaults changed.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#165

Post by dinosaurdynasty »

m000 wrote: post #113

I would put this down to a growing part of the population feels financially insecure. As you grow older, spending quality time with people also requires spending $. If you are barely making some savings, you probably won't feel comfortable in scaling up your social life. It is surprising that the author recognizes the time period/age group... > These new habits are startling — and a striking departure from the past.…

This, and time poverty

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#166

Post by kodah »

dangus wrote: post #151
seydor wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I m somewhat surprised that big cities still exist and people aren't killing each other or run away

Believe it or not, big cities have pretty good quality of life and people who live there do actually have friends and social lives. I grew up in the suburbs, and I've lived in big cities, urban areas in medium sized cities, and exurbs as well. The cities aren't as different as non-urban people think. But also, they're better in a lot of the ways that most people would expect: more things to do, better food, better sh…

> And, oh yeah, cities are where the jobs are.

We can and should change this as much as possible.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#167

Post by 0F5 »

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Being alone creates stress and stress brings mental and physical illness. Once they find a way to block stress, it won’t matter. ISR. Etc.

If you want to be around people just get a job. If you want more intimate contact, get a job that brings that. Work at a daycare center and you’ll start to crave loneliness.

Loneliness is a liberal thing. Move to the Midwest. People just blurt out whatever they think. They get married at 18 almost as a rule and stay together. They involve themselves in the business of others without asking permission. The idea that loneliness is the new way of the world is just what people in the liberal bubble are seeing.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#168

Post by bch »

bittercynic wrote: post #156
pbronez wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You live in an apartment? Who else lives on your building? In a decent sized building I bet you’re not the only lonely person. Find the other ones, and create some social thing that’s easy to say yes to. Dinner is straightforward. Other excuses include book clubs, movie viewings, crafts, community garden, volunteering, etc. For a dinner, if your apartment is small, use a common space. If you don’t have a common room,…

I think you are taking for granted a huge body of knowledge that some of us are lacking. Hosting a dinner gathering is complicated. What foods do you serve? What time? Do you complete all the food prep before guests arrive? If you are chatting over appetizers, how do you invite your guests to the table for the main meal? There's not just one right way to do these things, but if you're trying to host a dinner party fo…

> "Am I doing this right? "

I can appreciate that. I also bet that everybody would appreciate the effort even if things didn’t proceed like a scene from a movie.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#169

Post by toxicFork »

foobarian wrote: post #123
EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

As kid I spent time in an old fashioned Russian serf type village, where a bunch of families lived together and worked a bunch of strips of land. It was the best time I ever had. Everyone had a job to do, and they were happy to let you help. The tasks you were given seemed fulfilling and meaningful. Today is horrible. Nobody lives with family or knows neighbors around here. No more church. There are some craft clubs,…

Why do you want to compare everything you do to what others are doing?

Allow yourself to do things that others do better.

You do not have to be the best.

You will enjoy life much more. Your kids will, too.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#170

Post by snoot »

UweSchmidt wrote: post #125

The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround. You can take ac…

> But you'll do all that against massive societal forces.

What forces exactly?

> A few decades back you'd join one of the few organizations or clubs that happened in your area, and instantly be in a reliable community (if you adapt a little - let's ignore all the downsides for a moment).

I’ve joined two different clubs. One 7 years ago and one this year. Both have resulted in good friends, outings, and even trips to other states. There are more people who want to see more of me than I have time for.

> Friends would hook you up with a partner who's as nerdy as you.

I met my wife at a friend’s party 5 years ago.

> When I was young random strangers had regularly great conversations on trains. A city street was a village, you knew everyone.

I know my neighbors on both sides and across the street, and routinely have conversations with people I meet when I’m walking my dog.

> That is not coming back anytime soon.

I don’t think it’s gone anywhere. As far as I can see there are far more groups of people doing interesting things than I have time for. Mostly I’m turning down opportunities.

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