Sexism in Tech: Don’t Ask Me Unless You’re Ready to Call Someone a Whistleblower

I can think of a few cases where rape could plausibly happen in a work setting but I can't see how they could continue:

1) violent rape using physical force: there will be fighting back, injuries, scars, and blood from the assault, and the victim goes to file a report to the police, and gets to a doctor to be examined and her (his?) intimate cavities analyzed for the rapist DNA. These facts can be verified quite easily if the rapist is known.

2) a dinner, for example, at a work trip together with the co-worker went one step too far: depending on what actually happened this could translate back to 1) or fall in the grey area in which case the bare minimum that can be done is to not spend time with said co-worker alone again in non-public places.

A majority of rapes fall into domestic relationships, dating gone wrong, passing out in wrong company after too much alcohol, or other circumstances projected on an established or a potential sexual relationship, and these might traditionally be the cases where women generally don't report them as rapes for one reason or another. Maybe she is loyal to her abusing husband. Or maybe she thinks she gave wrong signals at the end of the date.

But work relations do not by default imply sexual relations: there's no pretense that could escalate in a horribly wrong way. This sounds stupid but, for example, you can't go to too many meetings and let someone interpret that as a "yes". So I'm just wondering that barring 1), the violent assault, how does this happen?

    > What needs to change is three-fold.
    > 
    > The first thing needed is pretty simple: In all organizations, demand that there
    > exists a code of conduct and clear methodto report misconduct. Imagine right 
    > now that you have just witnessed something inappropriate in your workplace, at 
    > a conference or in a community. Do you have a place you could report it? Do you
    > trust that it would be handled properly, or would they just try to avoid
    > liability? Do you believe you would personally suffer for making such a report?
    > If you’re not comfortable with any of those answers, you have work to do.
    > Reconsider what systems have been created, and fight for ones that treat this
    > like a whistleblowing issue, not something to be “kept under control.”
    > 
    > Second, while there will always be truly malicious people, most people are just
    > don’t realize the harm of their action. There needs to be correction without
    > punishment for people who are not malicious. With such a mechanism in place,
    > people who see sexism in action can help fix it. At the same time, it allows
    > those who are doing things wrong to learn in a safe environment. For more about
    > this approach, check out some of the great articles about call-in culture. The
    > goal is simple here: help your well-intentioned friends figure out they are
    > hurting people without making it seem like a threat or shaming. It’s easiest for
    > you if you aren’t the one being wronged. This step is important because
    > whistleblowers need allies, and we need people to not be afraid of announcing
    > they are allies. This means two things: One, that we be welcoming and patient
    > with those striving to be better, and two, that our allies (and those of us
    > trying to lead the charge) be committed to self-improvement whenever the
    > opportunity presents.
    > 
    > Third, and most important, is making a serious personal commitment to solving
    > this. You’re tired of hearing about this “women in tech” stuff, and we’re tired
    > of living it, but there are some big issues here, and we’re not going to solve
    > them by pretending they don’t exist because we’re bored or afraid of them. We
    > need serious discussions, and we have to have educated opinions about what’s
    > wrong and how to fix it. We need to mull these ideas around until we come to
    > some combination of hard data and cultural consensus before we can get
    > meaningful change.
    > 
    > Making a personal commitment means forming an opinion on more than just the
    > broad concepts. It also requires learning about specific instances of
    > harassment. Spend enough time reading material from both sides to develop a
    > well-informed opinion, or be honest about not knowing enough. Don’t defend an
    > opinion that isn’t well thought through. Then, use that opinion to make sure
    > whistleblowing is taken seriously. When we fail to engage whistleblowing in our
    > own lives or in institutions we deal with, we’re hanging the whistleblowers out
    > to dry. At best, we allow them to be marked as “liabilities”; at worst, we leave
    > them to suffer from enemies we don’t care to protect them against.
    > 
    > For clarity, I’m going to now state my three specific requests:
    > 
    > 1. Make sure the systems to handle malicious abuses of power against women have
    > teeth, and that they seek to let the disenfranchised blow the whistle, rather
    > than simply “keeping stuff under control.”
    > 
    > 2. Help your well-intentioned peers who are still making mistakes do better
    > without threatening them or humiliating them.
    > 
    > 3. Make a public commitment to taking potential whistleblowers seriously. Commit
    > to educating yourself, to having an opinion, and, if you believe the
    > whistleblower’s claims might have merit, to helping. Live up to that commitment.
    >

> women are less suited for technical careers (which has no basis in fact and is sexist as hell)

a) All I claimed was that it isn't inherently bad to have less women. It could be due to sexism, a distaste for sitting in front of a computer all day, bad food or something else. My point is each situation should be based on it's own merit, and not generalized. I am sick of being called sexist if I don't think everyone is sexist.

> suggest that women should "not complain" because by complaining they only cause men to reject them even more, but then

b) My claim is that a complaint should have merit, be taken care of immediately. I'm sick of posts like this, where the OP is claiming something happened years later, without proof or taking action. More over, I am claiming that there are a large group of men and women who believe it is easier to prove equality, as opposed to articles which create a further divide (by claiming everyone's a sexist).

Further sick of being criticized for sharing an alternative view, and immediately called a sexist.

> on the flip-side say that if a woman is being harassed or raped they should call the police (which is certainly going to end their career if even talking about it is a no-no),

c) I hope you are joking. It wont end their career, it's just like every other job in the world. If your boss rapes you or co-worker THEY get in trouble. Trust me, the police aren't in this tech sexism too. They only care that someone was hurt. No employer would be like, "oh hey, I see you were sexually assaulted by your last boss..." No, not going to happen, this is fear mongering, and is just a downright distasteful argument. Not one that should be an actual concern.

> if there is a problem, I have nothing to do with it and should have no responsibility for it (which has all sorts of negative historical connotations).

d) Where the hell did you read this? I made the claim that I need evidence, proof, something I can see and fix. If I have no direction what can I do? I have rarely heard clear arguments about sexism and the issues. It is always like the OP, just a bunch of claims without a way I (or anyone) could help.

You say:

> All of these statements are questionable but were presumably made in good faith, by what I assume to be a reasonable person. That's the curious thing about all of this.

You may disagree with my statements, but your statements are even more curious. It is as if you didn't read what I wrote and just decided to call me a sexist for having an alternative view point. Especially, your "a" point:

No where did I claim:

> women are less suited for technical career

Stop putting words in my mouth, stop calling me a sexist. The tech world isn't out to get women, just make cool stuff and money. If anything, we are scared of being called sexist and annoyed with these constant comments.

So far I have learned from HN commenters:

- a hetero male would never give a BJ to a superior male no matter what therefore it is hard to understand why a woman would feel coerced into do so.

- It is not possible/credible for a woman to be raped multiple times by a coworker.

- It is the clearly the woman's fault for being raped multiple times because she should've reported it the first time and/or known how to avoid her rapist in the future

- Women calling out sexual harassers in tech will hurt the cause of getting more women in tech, therefore they should stop

- "You can't simply cry abuse and magically learn data structures and algorithms. You can't tweet or sue (well, suing require hard evidence) your way to gainful employment as an engineer. You also don't need social support to study programming, it's a hobby you can master regardless of what you look like. How did you manage"

Disappointing.