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How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

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Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#151

Post by epx »

paultopia wrote: post #123
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #42

Looking into the T drop in fatherhood, the original study seems to account for self reports of 'sleep quality' but I wonder if sleep deprivation is not still a confounder in this finding. Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'depriv…

I was wondering this too. Every new parent seems to report that they basically don't sleep for a year or two. That has got to account for a lot of the biological changes in parenthood. (Honestly, I'd really want to know about likelihood of dying in a car accident or other heavy machinery sleep-deprivation-induced-screwup.)

Too much exaggeration on this.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#152

Post by turk73 »

KaiserPro wrote: post #81

my changes: o hair loss (Eldest's birth and early life was traumatic) o Loss of short term memory (mostly temporary, sleep loss related.) o loss of hearing (eldest was fond of screaming) o grey hair. We split child care into two shifts. I took nights, wife took days. Hence why I had less sleep than the wife.

The first six months of my daughter's life were a lot like what you describe. She had "colic" (medical term for: we don't know what's wrong) and would never settle down until she started eating solid foods. After that, we were good. But those first six months, wow! I would get home from work and she would hand me our daughter and head to bed. It was like that for six months, no breaks.

Anyhow she is 14 now and she's a musician and is great at math, writing, and she does great anime drawings. We also have a second child, a son, 9, and clearly the five year span between kids was not completely left to chance.

I empathize with those who have true special needs children because just raising "regular" kids is traumatic.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#153

Post by senorjazz »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Father of three. Yes and no.

> and if so, why?

Yes. Chemical change in my brain / body causing me to love those little buggers more than life itself.

No. A bit of free time and piece and quiet would be nice occasionally and to selfishly do what I want, when I want, how I want.

> would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

At the time of the first born, most definitely. But girlfriend got pregnant "fairly" young at 24. She wanted to keep it, no further discussion had.

In retrospect, that is a very hard one. Very much aware of the "grass is greener" paradigm and to be "happy with what you got". But overall, I don't think I would change anything.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#154

Post by castlecrasher2 »

agent008t wrote: post #136
roland35 wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having two kids myself, it has been the best thing to happen to me by far. I never really thought about having kids until my late 20's, so I can understand why people may want to go child-free. Kids are a huge investment of time and effort after all! But personally I could not imagine it any other way. Also, it is nice to have a receptive audience to dad jokes.

So are the others in this thread exaggerating the negatives? Or is it more that those difficulties are fairly short-term, and in the longer run don't really matter / are forgotten? Say, like preparing for and sitting a difficult exam, or going to the dentist, etc.

The negatives are bad, sure, but it's like someone complaining about how bad college was and past work experiences were; the bad usually help you to learn the good. I wouldn't trade my 4-year old son for anything in the world.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#155

Post by codingdave »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

I think it was both a good idea, and at the same time the biggest cause of stress and strife in our marriage. The ups and downs of life are larger with kids. You will experience moments of profound joy, and balance them with great struggles. And at the end of it all, you have your own family to grow old with. You trade a hard youth for a better old age. Which seems to match, philosophically, with the startup idea of working hard for a few years to be in a better place when it is done.

On a more pragmatic note, the idea that brains change when you have kids to make you more nurturing and empathetic sounds good for a career. It would help with communications and teamwork to be stronger in those areas.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#156

Post by geggam »

stephencanon wrote: post #111
jbverschoor wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank oh for being honest. There’s actually a topic on a different forum that is exactly about the taboo’ed negative things about parenting. People refuse to see/acknowledge this, esp. women.

The people hit hardest by this are women. Society places much, much higher expectations on the wrt motherhood than it does for fathers. I know a huge number of women who love their kids but deeply mourn their lost independence and career opportunity they might have had without them, to say nothing of the profound physical impact of carrying a pregnancy. Women understand these issues really well, they just don’t feel…

Many women I know wish society wouldnt pressure them to work so they could stay home and be a mother.

The current economic situation in the US is prohibitive to this family structure as well.

The combination of those two things is a huge problem in our society.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#157

Post by senorjazz »

keymon-o wrote: post #95
tus88 wrote: post #60

> Women become pregnant before they become mothers. Men become pregnant after they become fathers. I heard this joke a while ago, and while cruel seems to have an element of truth to it by observation. Lack of sleep, lack of exercise, less time to make healthy meals seems to be a terrible combination for weight gain.

Good joke! The experience itself is different. While for women it is more shocking and exciting, men still need to handle their partner and other responsibilities during this period and pretty much share that experience which, as article suggests, alters them both in some ways.

> alters them both in some ways.

meh, not really. I don't think you can equate having to walk around mother+baby type stores on your weekend with growing a baby inside you.

Life doesn't change "that" much for fathers during the pregnancy apart from support the mother with the changes she is going through

After the birth, then hold on, the ride is now beginning and everything you ever know is turned upside down

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#158

Post by jawilson2 »

agent008t wrote: post #132

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Having kids is incredible. My youngest is 6 (others are 8 and 10), and sleeps 10-11 hours now. They are already hilarious little people, and not having them in my life would be empty and unbearable.

Re: "completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that" I hear the same thing here often about joining or running a startup and putting in 100+ hours per week.

The only reason I regret having kids is because of the planet they will be inheriting, and all of the shit they will have to deal with.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#159

Post by anonu »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #42

Looking into the T drop in fatherhood, the original study seems to account for self reports of 'sleep quality' but I wonder if sleep deprivation is not still a confounder in this finding. Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'depriv…

Correct. The same applies for post-partum depression which many attribute to an increase in new hormones in the women's body. But how much of this effect is attributable to simple sleep deprivation?

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#160

Post by isodude »

knolan wrote: post #65
pricees wrote: post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

I’ve piled on the weight since our second was born. I attribute it to the reasons mentioned here and also that I’ve not been cycling to work for the last several months. We bought a new home and don’t currently have a place to store my bike so it’s been languishing in my office. So I take the bus because owning two cars is prohibitively expensive here in Europe. The bus is slower than car and bike so I’m rushing out…

I am trying out to change my behaviour right, so I fast from 20:00 in the evening to 12:00 during the day and try to eat properly between 12 and 20.

So far it's much easier to cut out junk food because I think the whole morning about what I need to eat during lunch. I also need to figure out my relationship with the feeling of hunger, which the fast gives me the possibility to do.

Ended up being full after eating 3/4 of a hamburger last day. I generally eat two with ease.

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