Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

91–100 of 285 posts

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#91

Post by Bouncingsoul1 »

pappy-0511 wrote: post #88
pricees wrote: post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

Just wanted to say thanks for bringing this up, since becoming a dad my bulk has moved downward from my shoulders and arms to my belly and arse. It's a cascade of less sleep and time which means less exercise and a worse diet.

I gained around 15kg, less sport more food, my daughter is now 1 year and I lost 18kg the last 5 months through diet and sport. That said it takes some discipline, you'll have to get used to a shedule together with your partner. All my private computer time is now past 20h when my daughter is asleep, training time is after work switching each day with my gf. Dont worry you'll get alon

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#92

Post by padraic7a »

knolan wrote: post #65
pricees wrote: post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

I’ve piled on the weight since our second was born. I attribute it to the reasons mentioned here and also that I’ve not been cycling to work for the last several months. We bought a new home and don’t currently have a place to store my bike so it’s been languishing in my office. So I take the bus because owning two cars is prohibitively expensive here in Europe. The bus is slower than car and bike so I’m rushing out…

Good for you. Sheds for the win!

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#93

Post by [deleted] »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #42

Looking into the T drop in fatherhood, the original study seems to account for self reports of 'sleep quality' but I wonder if sleep deprivation is not still a confounder in this finding. Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'depriv…

[deleted]

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#94

Post by DoingIsLearning »

dmurray wrote: post #80
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #42

Looking into the T drop in fatherhood, the original study seems to account for self reports of 'sleep quality' but I wonder if sleep deprivation is not still a confounder in this finding. Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'depriv…

The results still seem valid even if the primary mechanism for decreasing testosterone production is a lack of sleep.

Absolutely true, however the linked piece (not the study) seems to imply that there is some form of evolutionary mechanism which relates to the bonding experience with a newborn/toddler that somehow helps the father 'stay around' to raise a child.

I can see that there are mechanisms at play that favour the father to 'stay around'. But specifically for the Testosterone concentrations it seems to me that the cause could have nothing to do with an endocrine change triggered by bonding or nurturing.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#95

Post by keymon-o »

tus88 wrote: post #60

> Women become pregnant before they become mothers. Men become pregnant after they become fathers. I heard this joke a while ago, and while cruel seems to have an element of truth to it by observation. Lack of sleep, lack of exercise, less time to make healthy meals seems to be a terrible combination for weight gain.

Good joke!

The experience itself is different. While for women it is more shocking and exciting, men still need to handle their partner and other responsibilities during this period and pretty much share that experience which, as article suggests, alters them both in some ways.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#96

Post by [deleted] »

sundvor wrote: post #89
jbverschoor wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank oh for being honest. There’s actually a topic on a different forum that is exactly about the taboo’ed negative things about parenting. People refuse to see/acknowledge this, esp. women.

Being a dad, whilst rewarding in its own rights, can also be hard AF. Throw in a diagnosis of ASD+ADHD with therapies etc that must be managed, and the pressures just sky rocketed. Managing his behaviour feels like an everlasting uphill battle. So much energy is drained, especially during meltdowns, causing frictions in the whole family. So in order to be able to look after him I also need to look after myself. Getti…

[deleted]

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#97

Post by vidarh »

sergers wrote: post #34
pricees wrote: post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

Lack of sleep, eating what u can when u can, no time to spend on yourself/physical activities I gained 40 pounds through my wife's pregnancy and post. I am just starting to shed some weight now - 5 months old baby

I find lack of sleep severely impacts my ability to stick to a diet, as well, as I find it far harder to resist temptations when I'm not rested. Combining reduced willpower with reduced amount of time to make proper meals is not great.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#98

Post by falsedan »

philliphaydon wrote: post #23
muzani wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always took off 3 months from work per baby. There's no point coding when you're always sleep deprived. Last year the company agreed to about half the salary, so I'd work from home on some things, or come in half the week or half a day as needed. Then again I did notice I was very good at understanding baby talk. Taking from some old notes of my 5 month old baby: "eh eh eh", but no crying at 6 AM = "I need a diaper…

For me when my Daughter was born we did formula. And I took care of her for 4 weeks at night time. Screaming at night = “my parents are bad they aren’t feeding me they should be locked up” Kicking feet = “oh god I’m wet please change me it’s so gross”

> “my parents are bad they aren’t feeding me they should be locked up”

lol I remember this, we called it the 'worst parents in the world' cry. It continues forever, the form changes as they get older but the message is the same

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#99

Post by skohan »

seventhtiger wrote: post #67
ijiiijji1 wrote: post #29

Random Q: I have to lose 40 lbs getting dad-bod sans dadness right now (medication side-effects). 0. Has anyone seriously looked into variations of intermittent fasting &| extended fasting? 1. Did you have brain fog after hunger went away after a few days, or less fog? 2. What about maintenance vitamins, electrolytes and preventing gallstones? 3. How long did you continue for, until hunger returned?

I have been fasting for a month now and I have lost a solid 6kg. I started with one meal a day (OMAD) and then I started skipping a day twice a week for a total of 5x 24hr fasts and 2x 48hr fasts. This week I completed a 72hr fast. One reason I like it is that it requires the least planning and mental load. I eat what I want as much as I want (except sugar) and almost no matter what I do it works out to be less than…

Yeah I have also found intermittent fasting to be an excellent tool in the toolbox when I want to reduce a bit of body-fat. As you say, for me it's easier to follow a simple rule-based diet like time-restricted eating than it is to track and measure calories and macronutrients.

I also had success with a ketogenic diet, but in my experience that's a bit harder to stick to, since there's a lot of hidden carbohydrates in food, and it's also the kind of diet you find yourself explaining all the time like when you have to turn down the cookie your colleague made, or you order a hamburger without the bun at a restaurant. TRE offers many of the same benefits, but has almost no impact insofar as how you live your life.

> Hunger comes and goes in waves, but mostly it just goes.

Interesting thing about the hunger pattern you described: subjective experience of hunger maps pretty well to the hormone Ghrelin, which tends to peak close to your normal meal-times, and then naturally subsides afterwords whether or not you have eaten. So the science points to the fact that hunger is very much something you can "wait out".

> I started skipping a day twice a week for a total of 5x 24hr fasts and 2x 48hr fasts. This week I completed a 72hr fast.

It's important to be cautious when attempting longer fasts. I know a lot of people have subjectively good experiences with multi-day fasts, but I saw a talk where the presenter showed evidence that long fasts (more than 72 hours) can cause long-lasting metabolic changes which weren't recovered even several years later.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#100

Post by drclau »

keymon-o wrote: post #90
theboywho wrote: post #21

Has there been any studies on adopting a baby? Does it yield the same results on men? If yes, then it might as well be a matter of social construct, where a new vulnerable addition to the group needs protection for example. Another curious question, it would be interesting to see the impact of adopting a cat or a dog on men’s testosterone levels.

I'd guess the idea of this study is not that having a child of your own somehow directly alters your brain biologicaly, but the experience itself is just that intense. I find it much more interesting, the fact that most of the changes mother experiences might not be the "nature's wonder", but lasting, painful, traumatic and exciting experience itself that affects one's brain. Edit: And that itself has much deeper rel…

> And that itself has much deeper relation to a biological child than to adopting one. Not that adopting isn't significant or emotional, it's simply not that varying level of experience.

How do you know your child is actually biologically yours? Human fathers have no biological/natural means of identifying a child as theirs. So your hypothesis that having your own child va adopting is different does not stand. The father - child bond is a mental construct and I see absolutely no reason why adopting is lesser than biologically fathering a child.

Post reply on HN