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How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

parenting.nytimes.com

131–140 of 285 posts

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#131
post #74
post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah. Perfect way to teach your kid about healthy foods and nutrition: drinking smoothies.

I think there are much worse diets to have that your kids would learn from than soylent.

There probably are worse alternative, but I'd rather teach my kid to enjoy good food and see a meal as a time to socialize/relax rather than something to be optimized

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#132
So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that.

People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#133
post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd guess the idea of this study is not that having a child of your own somehow directly alters your brain biologicaly, but the experience itself is just that intense. I find it much more interesting, the fact that most of the changes mother experiences might not be the "nature's wonder", but lasting, painful, traumatic and exciting experience itself that affects one's brain. Edit: And that itself has much deeper rel…

> And that itself has much deeper relation to a biological child than to adopting one. Not that adopting isn't significant or emotional, it's simply not that varying level of experience. How do you know your child is actually biologically yours? Human fathers have no biological/natural means of identifying a child as theirs. So your hypothesis that having your own child va adopting is different does not stand. The fa…

Trivial option: if cohabitating with the mother, I could see pregnancy having effects (via pheromones, or just behavior) that would be completely skipped over by adoption. Obviously it's not strictly a "does this child have 50% of my DNA" thing, but it does differentiate between biologically having a child and adopting.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#134
post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you mean like parental instinct? When you are in 'father mode', you physically and mentally geared up and ready to take up the role.

My first thoughts were that it was like that, but I realized after a few weeks that I was thinking like that at work as well, when nowhere near the kid.

I think you may have got better at managing both your tasks and time :)

Very possible that been a father cornered you to think more pragmatically in daily life, and that translates to how you do things at work.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#135

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Having two kids myself, it has been the best thing to happen to me by far. I never really thought about having kids until my late 20's, so I can understand why people may want to go child-free. Kids are a huge investment of time and effort after all! But personally I could not imagine it any other way.

Also, it is nice to have a receptive audience to dad jokes.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#136

So, reading this thread is making me really not want to have children. Seems like one would have to be completely insane to voluntarily sign up for that. People that have children. Do you think it was honestly a good idea in retrospect, and if so, why? If your wife had been on the fence about having children, would you have preferred to go child-free, in retrospect?

Having two kids myself, it has been the best thing to happen to me by far. I never really thought about having kids until my late 20's, so I can understand why people may want to go child-free. Kids are a huge investment of time and effort after all! But personally I could not imagine it any other way. Also, it is nice to have a receptive audience to dad jokes.

So are the others in this thread exaggerating the negatives? Or is it more that those difficulties are fairly short-term, and in the longer run don't really matter / are forgotten? Say, like preparing for and sitting a difficult exam, or going to the dentist, etc.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Annedoctally as a recent father of a 6 month old, I would likely self report a good sleep quality in a questionnaire. However, objectively I know I sleep about 5 hours 30min yesterday evening, which would be sufficient sleep 'deprivation' to impact T production. When our 9 month old started to sleep through the night (at around 4-5 months), we'd get between 5-6 hours of sleep, which after the interrupted sleep of t…

I haven't noticed the "anything about a newborn/small child must be 100% positive" in my group of friends, especially my work colleagues. I've been pretty straight forward about how hard the whole thing has been, especially adding a second child to the mix before the first one was 2 yo. I wouldn't recommend having a second child to anyone unless they really, really wanted it. It's hard af. Logarithmically harder than…

Maybe the only constant is that every child is different. We had two close together, and it became a net positive about two years in, when they could keep each other occupied much of the time.

And they'll have a built-in best friend. We talk about our personal perspective, but what do you wish your parents did for you?

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#138
post #97
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lack of sleep, eating what u can when u can, no time to spend on yourself/physical activities I gained 40 pounds through my wife's pregnancy and post. I am just starting to shed some weight now - 5 months old baby

I find lack of sleep severely impacts my ability to stick to a diet, as well, as I find it far harder to resist temptations when I'm not rested. Combining reduced willpower with reduced amount of time to make proper meals is not great.

I also see this pattern. I've maintained at least some level of exercise throughout raising three kids, but somehow I have a strong desire to eat, and the willpower required to shed the weight is really all-consuming. When my last (of 3) goes to college next week I wonder if anything will change.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#139
“a widespread and deeply ingrained belief among fathers: that because their bodies haven’t undergone the myriad biological changes associated with pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, they’re not as biologically and psychologically “primed” for caretaking as women are.”

I doubt that this concern is “widespread”. Sounds like the author creating unnecessary urgency for an already interesting topic.

Re: How Men’s Bodies Change When They Become Fathers

#140
post #20

I was hoping this would explain my weight gain but I suppose I have to accept that replacing daily workouts with 3 bowls of ice cream and magic shell may be the culprit.

I'm in better shape than ever, and it’s thanks to free childcare at the YMCA. Getting a break from the children is the most motivation I've had to drag myself to the gym.
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