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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#141

Post by solardev »

TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

Wow, you've had a very different experience, and apparently met very different people (or at least saw different sides of them).

I have never discussed those things with my friends or acquaintances anywhere in the world, across many countries... I don't know anything (or care about) any of them, so I suppose I self-select out of those groups.

The people I end up bonding with (all over the world) are usually because of hiking and outdoor stuff, board games, Dungeons and Dragons, martial arts, history, travel, food, whiskey, couch surfing or hosting, national parks, musical theater, etc.

If someone tried to talk to me about cars, sports, or dead fish, I'd probably just excuse myself. It'd be a huge bore for me and them alike.

I don't doubt what you said, that these are popular topics with men in some parts of the world (especially parts of North America). But it's also totally possible to go through life meeting many people without ever discussing any of those, thankfully...

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#142

Post by wizzwizz4 »

skydhash wrote: post #91
rsaarelm wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Fake it till you make it. What are you trying to make though? You're pretending to want the same things the people you think you need to fit in with want, but if you don't actually want those things, what point is there to be in a competition to get them?

Social skills is moslty compromises. It’s kind of a protocol that signals that you’re not unfriendly, and if you’re part of a community, that you’re ready to pitch in, when someone or the entire community needs help.

Surely it would be simpler to identify who in the community actually needs help, help them, and gain a reputation thereby? Honest signalling works well among humans, in my experience.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#143

Post by harimau777 »

msgodel wrote: post #107
aleph_minus_one wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Interestingly enough, not nearly as much gets published for e.g. Europe. Innate ability ? From my personal feeling: US culture is more on the extraverted side (i.e. a lot of people want/need shallow conversation instead of shutting their mouth, except if they have something important to say) than what is common in many European countries. Thus, people who are more on the introvert side have a harder time in the USA…

>Relatedly, I would say that in the USA, there is the mentality "Our society is the greatest ever made since God created Earth, so if you don't feel happy, the fault is on you: you need to self-improve." Unjustified self deprecation can lead to dereliction. IMO Americans feel this way because it's appropriate to.

With respect, that's only true if you are a member of certain social/personality classes in America. If you are poor or don't fit into the conservative ideal, then America is often not a great place to live.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#144

Post by aklemm »

GiorgioG wrote: post #112
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

Not a popular approach these days, but you’re absolutely right. This is an example where setting healthy boundaries has veered into hiding away from life and avoiding hard, messy human things.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#145

Post by harimau777 »

Fraterkes wrote: post #66

This is a bit of a long shot, but a lot my social embarrassment comes from my tendency to mumble / be hard to understand. Anyone on here have any experience with improving at that stuff?

Not an expert so take this with a HUGE grain of salt.

I think that the answer might depend on whether the difficulty is something with your speaking itself (e.g. you have a speech impediment, accent, stutter, etc.) versus if the difficulty is with the social side of things (e.g. mumbling due to nervousness, etc.).

For the former, maybe a speech therapist could help? For the later, I've heard people say that improv classes/clubs can do a lot for helping people be more confortable in unpredictable social situations.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#147

Post by cpursley »

jeltz wrote: post #105
cpursley wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I noticed this too about sportball people - they’re generally out of shape and not actually athletic (I’m fit and active in several outdoor sports). I just find watching or talking about sports excruciatingly boring. To me it’s the same thing as pornography, watching other people who are really good at it while you are a bystander, but your brain gets the physiological and-psychological signal that you’re actua…

I don't have the same experience at all. The people who I know and have met which enjoy watching sports come at all levels of fitness. I am not that interested myself but quite many of the members of my running club enjoy watching sports and some of them can run 3 hour marathons. And if you have ever met football ultras most of them are very fit.

Are you coming from UK or US perspective? Never heard the term Ultra.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#148

Post by skydhash »

wizzwizz4 wrote: post #142
skydhash wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social skills is moslty compromises. It’s kind of a protocol that signals that you’re not unfriendly, and if you’re part of a community, that you’re ready to pitch in, when someone or the entire community needs help.

Surely it would be simpler to identify who in the community actually needs help, help them, and gain a reputation thereby? Honest signalling works well among humans, in my experience.

it may be. But how are you going to identify who needs help? And if that someone is willing to accept help (pride and/or shame can be powerful blocker)?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#149

Post by GiorgioG »

brulard wrote: post #119
GiorgioG wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

This is the worst advice someone could give. It absolutely is ok to decide on your own if it's good for you and the others if you attend or not. I wouldn't want anyone to come to my funeral just because others expect him to.

Someone should attend your funeral because they made some kind of connection with you in this short life. Being uncomfortable for 30 minutes is the least one can do. I am so tired of people being so emotionally immature that they can’t handle a little discomfort.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#150

Post by riehwvfbk »

sokoloff wrote: post #133
ryandv wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Gender equality does not imply nor require gender indistinguishability. Rejecting the latter does not imply rejecting the former, but of course you know that and are just being a gender-neutral cylindrical appendage.

> Gender equality does not imply nor require gender indistinguishability

Careful, in a few years talking like this will get you canceled.

> being a gender-neutral cylindrical appendage

Now that's better! This is what we must all strive to be.

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