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ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

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Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#141

Post by _yb2s »

void-pointer wrote: post #132
_yb2s wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

ADHD is ultimately a disability of reduced executive function, and all of the seemingly disconnected symptoms are connected by that common fact. Everyone has challenges with executive function in life - especially if chronically sleep deprived, but the degree of severity varies substantially to the point where people with ADHD are radically different from people without on a lot of axes. It's quite the opposite of "a…

But how does “there are specific, actionable things they can do to fix it” mesh with the declaration that people with ADHD are part of a community of neurodivergent people who seem to actively push against the idea that they need fixing?

I don't think that's a fair way to characterize the ADHD community's stance. I follow some of the 'leaders' of the ADHD community including William Curb (Hacking your ADHD) and Jessica McCabe (How to ADHD) and they are extremely focused on specific strategies and techniques that enable ADHD people to live more effectively in a neurotypical world.

These strategies don't "fix" or "cure" ADHD, but allow us to do what we want in our life, and are generally very different from productivity and life strategies that work best for non-ADHD people.

One could imagine a world where ADHD was the norm, and things would work out just fine, with a lot less stress for those with ADHD. However, that simply isn't the case, and the ADHD community is quite realistic about that.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#142

Post by thayne »

godelski wrote: post #83
lqet wrote: post #15

> John Taylor Gatto's Dumbing Us Down perfectly captured this when he noticed that schools, another place where authority figures hang out, ruthlessly disciplined any child who tried to assert individuality. There has been an interesting result recently, which was discussed here [0]. In an online game where participants had to forage for resources, people with attention deficits scored higher, because they preferred…

> People with ADHD - and their parents and teachers - should therefore embrace their individuality as a kind of reservoir talent in the human gene pool. Being a researcher with ADHD I find academia very very weird. I feel like my ADHD (and others I know) should be a superpower. Loving to dig down into rabbit holes and a bunch of different topics, which can allow connecting different things. Not needing reasons to go…

This is actually why I decided not to pursue a career in Academia. I originally wanted to work in acadeemia, but as I finished my undergraduate I realized that while I would love to do research, the other aspects, like applying for grants, constantly having to publish, etc. would be extremely taxing and stressful for me.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#143

Post by godelski »

ghxst wrote: post #123
godelski wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People with ADHD - and their parents and teachers - should therefore embrace their individuality as a kind of reservoir talent in the human gene pool. Being a researcher with ADHD I find academia very very weird. I feel like my ADHD (and others I know) should be a superpower. Loving to dig down into rabbit holes and a bunch of different topics, which can allow connecting different things. Not needing reasons to go…

> It literally feels like the walls are closing in and there's not enough Adderall that can fix that. My psychiatrist told me that when using any amphetamine-based medication for ADHD, it's important to see it as a way to reinforce routines and habits, whatever they may be, and not necessarily a fix to ADHD itself but rather as a tool to help my brain. With that in mind, I was advised to take my medication and immedi…

Thanks. I do use a similar strategy though I've only been on Adderall for about 2 years. I do take XR and treat it like a baseline. But I also have an instant that allows me to adjust. Getting better at dosing but yeah it definitely requires flexibility. I do notice it depends on lots of things like sleep, exercise, and diet. Doesn't help that human sensitivity is similar to manufacturing tolerances lol. It's hard to find the routine though as there are a lot of external forces and it doesn't help that everyone acts like they need to be done right away (I mean the big issue with ADHD is triage and prioritization). This is worse in academia than when I've worked and honestly I only went to get diagnosed because the environment made everything more difficult.

One thing I found helps is I put desiccant in my bottles and it helps maintain the quality. I do some 3d printing and so store any excess medicine with filament.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#144

Post by Rzor »

o11c wrote: post #49

I must disagree with this very strongly; this attitude of "the problem isn't me, the problem is other people" is exceedingly harmful. You cannot blame others for their (alleged) inflexibility when you yourself are incapable of flexibility. Consider: you fly to the UK and try to drive on the right side of the road like you always have. Do you have the right to blame everyone for driving toward you? Or should you adapt…

So the dude goes on and on about how his upbringing set him up for some misery and all you have to say is that he's a hypocrite and should suck it up and move on. Nice.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#145

Post by ghxst »

tfigueroa wrote: post #27

What you have here is essentially a tragedy. I totally sympathize with the author as someone who is (probably) neurodivergent but had accommodating parents. Being given space to better understand myself and my value was integral to my success and in being ok being different. But as a dad to a neurodivergent kid, I impose structure - sometimes to discomfort, never intentionally to pain - because structure is imposed u…

I sometimes look back on my childhood and think about what might have helped me beyond just having structure - which, for the record, I do agree is very important. I think the biggest thing would have been understanding earlier that I was naturally going to struggle with certain things and that it was okay to ask for help.

To be clear, I don't mean just telling a child they can blame ADHD for their difficulties. Rather, helping them recognize that ADHD is often the reason behind their struggles with certain things and encouraging them to ask people around them for reminders, support, or ways in general to create accountability.

For example, my first job, a paper route when I was ~14, was a nightmare until I asked a friend to do his at the same time as mine and pick me up. Even though we had separate routes, just knowing I had to be ready when he arrived created enough accountability that I didn’t struggle with it as much, and it didn't require me to rely on my parents to impose that structure on me.

Imposing structure is helpful, but it only lasts as long as they have someone imposing it. Ideally, they learn how to build that structure for themselves before they have to navigate everything on their own.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#146

Post by Rzor »

randysalami wrote: post #18
kinakomochidayo wrote: post #11

I remember Dr Gabor Mate mentioning how ADHD is from childhood traumas and upbringing and it resonates with me. For me, it was a combination of my parents authoritarian parenting, and authoritarian school/environment, where teachers never checked in with me to see how I was doing. Psychedelics was the only thing that helped me, and I haven’t taken prescribed medications in over 10 years since my powerful experience w…

My mother suffers from borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. My father is textbook narcissistic personality disorder. It’s easy to say my childhood wasn’t easy, but in a strange way. Along the way, I developed BPD symptoms impressed on me by my parents, suffered hospitalization multiple times, and ended up going through DBT. I am 24 now and I lucked out far better than my peers. I have a career in sof…

When did you start to notice things were getting 'better'? Was it sudden (because of those psychoactive perhaps), or did it take a while?

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#147

Post by godelski »

thayne wrote: post #142
godelski wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People with ADHD - and their parents and teachers - should therefore embrace their individuality as a kind of reservoir talent in the human gene pool. Being a researcher with ADHD I find academia very very weird. I feel like my ADHD (and others I know) should be a superpower. Loving to dig down into rabbit holes and a bunch of different topics, which can allow connecting different things. Not needing reasons to go…

This is actually why I decided not to pursue a career in Academia. I originally wanted to work in acadeemia, but as I finished my undergraduate I realized that while I would love to do research, the other aspects, like applying for grants, constantly having to publish, etc. would be extremely taxing and stressful for me.

Yeah a lot of the faculty is surprised I don't want to pursue academia. I absolutely love research and I actually like teaching (and my students really like my teaching style too[0]). Grants I can with but yeah it sucks. Why I won't do it though is all the politics. The admins hired to take care of all the bureaucracy just make things take longer as you need to ask approval for things but can't do so through a direct line of communication so it takes all day. I just get nothing done and am having so many interruptions you can't settle into deep work

[0] funny story. My advisor is kinda lazy so pushed it off to me. But he didn't always show up. But he would teach sometimes because the department would get mad if he didn't (politics). But when it'd be just me the student in the front would nervously ask "is it just you?" And when I'd say yes they all relax and get excited lol

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#148

Post by TeMPOraL »

ghssds wrote: post #63
treis wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really depends on how long study time is. That sounds like proper parenting so long as we're talking like an hour or two.

Are you sure banning books outside the curriculum is proper parenting because what I'm reading is thought control.

I bet this wasn't denying access to books outside the curriculum because they're bad influence or something - it was merely about making sure they did also read the books assigned to them by the school. It actually looks like following standard productivity advice - eliminating distraction. The kid could go back to reading whatever after the required job was done.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#149

Post by void-pointer »

_yb2s wrote: post #141
void-pointer wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But how does “there are specific, actionable things they can do to fix it” mesh with the declaration that people with ADHD are part of a community of neurodivergent people who seem to actively push against the idea that they need fixing?

I don't think that's a fair way to characterize the ADHD community's stance. I follow some of the 'leaders' of the ADHD community including William Curb (Hacking your ADHD) and Jessica McCabe (How to ADHD) and they are extremely focused on specific strategies and techniques that enable ADHD people to live more effectively in a neurotypical world. These strategies don't "fix" or "cure" ADHD, but allow us to do what we…

Thanks for the insight, I’ll take a look at those people.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#150

Post by wonder_er »

Even as I read _just_ the title of this post, I felt certain the author and I would strongly agree on some key things.

I'm less interested in things that can be found in the DSM-V than it seems most of my english-speaking peers are, but things that can be called "adhd" make me always wonder what childhood emotional neglect and emotional abuse that person experienced. for instance, 'spankings', if ever a part of one's experience, is also known as 'adults hitting children' or 'assault of child by adult'. It can extinguish parts of one self that would otherwise be accessible.

A little while ago I read an excellent book about punishment. [0] Might be helpful/instrumental to others in the same way it was interesting to me. (I have more first-hand experience than I wish I'd had with evangelicals of the exact flavor described in the book. Was raised by some of them.)

[0]: [Spare the Child: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1335495)

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