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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#131

Post by bradlys »

71a54xd wrote: post #122

Fortunately as a socially coy software engineer with limited social skills, I've somehow managed to find a partner with similar interests who gets me. However, after dating in New York for a few years, even with more candor my conversion rate to a third date from Hinge was 5%. This is based on around 40 dates in 2021. For some reason, dating is more palatable for skinny weird guys on the east coast? Women have insane…

You’re a very physically attractive man if you managed to get 40 dates in one year.

Your experience will be nothing like that of an average looking man.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#133

Post by proc0 »

sethammons wrote: post #36
naikrovek wrote: post #5

the article doesn't seem attribute the desire to be alone to anything, other than saying that it got a lot more common during the pandemic, but I can say why I prefer to be alone: no judgement, no one makes fun of me, no one takes advantage of me, and no one steals from me. the one and only bad thing for me is that being lonely sucks. I am not lonely, but I probably will be in a decade's time. being alone adds up ove…

> there is no such thing as a "friend." there are only people who will pretend to be a partner or friend in order to make it easier for them to steal from you unnoticed Um. No. A thousand times, "no." Yes, there are people that will steal from you and there are people who will pretend to be your friend. Friends totally exist. We recently moved and our old neighbors and friends are taking care of the yard for us while…

I don't think you're describing friends there, that's more like being a good human being. Friends demand a certain kind of loyalty, an involvement with their personal lives, and personal beliefs. Friends seem to slowly pull you in as one of their family members, and that is a big commitment. If it works out then you have a good friend, but more often than not people are raised differently and slowly drift away. I'm only describing good friends here. There are also bad friends who have only their own interests in mind, often consciously manipulative.

Good friends are a privilege. It requires time, effort, and resources, which directly correlate to the kind of friends you will have. Many people cannot afford good friendships, especially if you grow up in a broken household. So it's not so much that friends are a solution to a problem, but rather it's a reward for being successful.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#134

Post by scythe »

torstenvl wrote: post #7
Taikonerd wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you spell out more what you mean?

Presumably https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/11...

It's a bit odd seeing that in the context of 'Mountain_Skies's claims. Putnam is very noncommittal about his suggested possible causes, with the notable exception of blaming television — but blaming technology for social isolation is neither new nor reasonably possible to ignore in 2022 — although the included response to Putnam (which frankly mischaracterizes his argument) does show that he created quite a stir when he originally published the article.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#135

Post by UnpossibleJim »

foobarian wrote: post #123
EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

As kid I spent time in an old fashioned Russian serf type village, where a bunch of families lived together and worked a bunch of strips of land. It was the best time I ever had. Everyone had a job to do, and they were happy to let you help. The tasks you were given seemed fulfilling and meaningful. Today is horrible. Nobody lives with family or knows neighbors around here. No more church. There are some craft clubs,…

If you can find a community garden, they're way better than the grocery. No offense or anything. Plus you get to meet your local community. I miss mine, now that I'm in the suburbs.

You might look into it. It fosters a lot more than just healthy food. It builds neighborhoods, reclaims land and makes friends in the community. They're great.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#136

Post by TeMPOraL »

gherkinnn wrote: post #91
ilaksh wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, its not the most banal, its the one that most obviously doesn't translate. Of course its not the same as being in person. But it can be much closer than people realize. As I said, eye-tracking will be built in, so there will be eye contact. The environment renderings and avatars will be realistic. You can already do really interesting interactions such as table tennis and tabletop RPG games such as Demeo.

This is like optimising porn over actually having sex. It’s ridiculous. All the robots and goggles can’t hope to recreate the real thing. And this is way harder to solve than dinner.

Bad example. Porn these days is a super-stimulus, and for many can be better than the real thing - little to no costs and effort required, has all the upsides, and none of the downsides.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#137

Post by Animats »

nibbleshifter wrote: post #28
nullish_signal wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"The bad economy means you can't meet people in real life. But soon, everyone will buy VR goggles and hang out on rented servers!" Am I mis-understanding something here? Just go on a hike, walking is free.

> Just go on a hike, walking is free. If the webshits on here could work out a way to monetize hiking, they will.

One word: Fitbit.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#138

Post by NaOH »

UweSchmidt wrote: post #125

The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround. You can take ac…

>The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround.

I've long captured this by saying that a society based around the individual is a contradiction.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#139

Post by iosono88 »

EE84M3i wrote: post #98
standardUser wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you go to the same bar all the time and haven't made friends there, try a different bar. And maybe consider those dates as opportunities to make friends in addition to romantic pursuits. A lot of my social group connected originally via dating apps.

I have some friends at the bar, and I'm definitely considered welcome as a regular, and always have a good time, etc. But they're mostly drinking buddies, and not much more outside of that, however I'd like to try harder to change that.

You should stop drinking so much

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#140

Post by A4ET8a8uTh0 »

UweSchmidt wrote: post #125

The fundamental force behind this is individualism. Every single technological innovation has made it easier for the individual to function better alone. Every societal change has emphasized the individual right over the (real or perceived) benefit of the collective. This trend seems to accelerate and absolutely nothing that is happening in western society even remotely suggests a possible turnaround. You can take ac…

I am posting this as a person born and raised in a rather small community. I personally do not yearn for the good old days when 'everyone knew everyone' and there were things to do together. We did things together, because of geographical convenience and random chance. We had no other options so we did kids things. Granted, I was lucky to be included in that particular group, because they all were much, much smarter than me, but despite relatively pleasant memories, I enjoy my current situation much more.

I accept that being extrovert and/or social is(was?) the default mode in polite society, but I think we can agree that not everyone is built the same way. I certainly do not talk to strangers bar some unusual turn of events that requires cooperation.

Is that a bad thing? We can now individually decide the life we actually want to lead with minimal interplay between various mediators that would have been mandatory only decades ago. Should we not be celebrating this as a tremendous achievement of humanity as a whole?

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