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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#131

Post by renewiltord »

lelandfe wrote: post #6

If I read a post on my friend’s blog exposing that their occasional texts had genesis in an automation and not genuine interest I would try very hard to not talk to that person Unsubscribe, please

Huh, fascinating difference between people. Personally, the fact that my friends use a calendar event to remember my birthday and some of them have an earlier event to remember to plan something for me makes me happy. They precommitted to this act of caring and built it into their workflow so it wouldn’t be missed! I love it.

People are so different in our attitudes to life. It reminds me of the Calendly snafu from earlier.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#132

Post by mrtb »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I think the alternative to having a social life "dictated by a machine" (a machine which, in this case, encodes the intentions of its programmer) is to have a social life dictated by chance and by other's intentions - coincidences on public transport, social media posts ranked by a black box, the noisy patterns of our recollection, etc... what is so 'authentic' about sacrificing one's attention to these forces, which may only align accidentally with our priorities?

I've kept a spreadsheet for about 5 years of people I know from my hometown, from uni, past jobs, in other countries, family of friends, etc... ranked roughly by how frequently to contact them, and it has been so helpful and fun for me (and them!) to use it. This might not be helpful for everyone, depending on what you care about and the size of your network, but it seems more "sad" to me that people let chance and social media control their patterns of interaction.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#133

Post by Kiro »

MrYellowP wrote: post #79
iovrthoughtthis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"if you cared, you'd remember" glad you have this experience, i dont think all of us do. i care deeply but seem to forget people exist and that makes me sad and dislike myself. i wish i could just remember. id still have so many friends if i did.

Well, then ... why did you forget, when you (believe you've) actually cared?

You think you're promoting care but you come off as extremely obnoxious and the kind of person I certainly wouldn't want as a friend.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#134

Post by pell »

l33tbro wrote: post #97
otikik wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see how it might look like that, but you are missing a critical point. Everyone is different. What comes naturally to some doesn't come naturally to others. For a lot of people (me included) keeping in touch with others doesn't come "naturally". We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. There are many reasons for this: poor time management skills, low self-esteem, simple lack of practice, etc. In any case,…

Then why do they frame connection in terms of a habit that yields "unlimited upside" and prevents you from missing out on opportunities? You are absolutely right that people are different, but this person comes across a little transactional and an exemplar of the Zuckerborg meme.

> and miss out on a ton of fun and opportunities.

This is the actual sentence you are referring to and it seems omitting the "ton of fun" part is a bit disingenuous as it clearly stands against this perceived technocratic and opportunistic use of people. The word "opportunity" is not used any other time in the article, by the way.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#135

Post by hungryforcodes »

l33tbro wrote: post #115
dskloet wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is it wrong to see a good friendship as very valuable?

Because valuing close friends through the lens of what personal gain they may yield is more than a little sociopathic?

So we should become friends with people we don't value? Like random people on the street? It's a good idea, but would be exhausting.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#136

Post by smilespray »

WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #58
zephyr9 wrote: post #18

Something that really freaks me out about the world is how much power tech people have and that their sociopathic behaviour, like treating all your personal relationships as transactional data, is considered a "simple system".

It’s not a tech thing and is not sociopathic. Sells have been keeping cards on their customers for centuries and a whole category of software exists for that, CRMs. I personally can’t remember the names and ages of all the children of all the people I interact with. I still take the time to take notes about it when I can and review them before seeing someone. I still think it’s better than not caring at all. Reading…

It does require effort.

However, I can frequently tell when somebody uses CRM-like software or methods in our interactions — and it usually isn't a bonus point in my book. It tends to make me a little bit wary of that person.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#137

Post by AussieWog93 »

zephyr9 wrote: post #22
MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

Yep. The author is a legit sociopath. This should in no way be considered acceptable human behaviour.

A sociopath is someone who recklessly and remorselessly harms others to get what they want.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorde...

This guy is probably at most ADHD or Aspergers, and simply forgets to contact people he doesn't physically come across on a regular basis.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#138

Post by usrusr »

l33tbro wrote: post #97
otikik wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see how it might look like that, but you are missing a critical point. Everyone is different. What comes naturally to some doesn't come naturally to others. For a lot of people (me included) keeping in touch with others doesn't come "naturally". We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. There are many reasons for this: poor time management skills, low self-esteem, simple lack of practice, etc. In any case,…

Then why do they frame connection in terms of a habit that yields "unlimited upside" and prevents you from missing out on opportunities? You are absolutely right that people are different, but this person comes across a little transactional and an exemplar of the Zuckerborg meme.

The kind of person who needs a process like that would most likely also need a very strong push to follow through with it. Chances are cosplaying entrepreneur lingo is the nth iteration in a long line of attempts to convince themselves, new year's resolutions and the like, with all of the more dignified approaches having utterly failed.

I'm in the same boats, both of them: the author's, failing to keep in touch and being aware of it, and yours, being intuitively revulsed by the systematic approach. I even refuse taking part in that weird ritual of Facebook birthday wishes, because I consider it somewhat dishonest to congratulate when I didn't remember myself.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#139

Post by globular-toast »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

> He'd miss contacting them.

No, you would miss contacting them. But he is not you.

Your comment can be read in two ways. Perhaps you think everyone should be like you and those who are different are "sad". I hope I don't need to explain why this is wrong. Or perhaps you think someone who isn't like you doesn't deserve to have any human contact and should be alone. What a horrible thing to think.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#140

Post by antihero »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

That seems like a very neurotypical view point. Of course people miss people, however, some people (especially people with for instance ADHD) often forget stuff and get distracted, so having an extra layer of organisation can be extremely helpful.
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