She's dead. I needed another reminder today, thanks. On a tech site.
I am sorry for your loss and the pain you’re having conjured up today.
Tell HN: Call Mom
131–140 of 243 posts
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#132I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…
I’m kind of in the same boat. My parents were very conservative as I was growing up and it resulting in me growing apart from them and not feeling comfortable talking to them.
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#133I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…
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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#134Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#135I used to call my family every weekend, since I became a dad we talk 2-3 per week, the newborn has rejuvenated the family relationship and on my side I understand more what being a mum means. My boy is 1 year old and I would never understand some of the things mum did until I saw this little one grow. Call your mom's regardless.
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#136Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week
Nope, this is just another case of overgeneralizing a nation of 325 million people.
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#137I can relate to some of the grief that people have with mothers that didn't fit the stereotype. I'm one of them: I know mom loves me (or at least I'd like to tell myself that) but she's been abusive to me and my siblings in ways that few can imagine. We've tried our best with interventions, but nothing really helps.
Here's how it's different for me: I'm a practising Muslim and there's strong exhortation in the religion to be kind and respectful to your parents, no matter how they are (e.g. "and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.") Note it doesn't say you have to love them, because you can't really control that. My learned experience (I'm 41 now) has shown me that on the whole, this approach and advice has been immensely helpful. I feel that despite the worse that's been dished out to me and my siblings, by controlling how I choose to react is very empowering. Plus it sets up a good example to our kids (my mom lives with us since my dad passed a few years back) on how to deal with difficult people.
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#138Can someone please help me understand? I feel such a strong aversion to acknowledge almost every holiday, especially marketing-driven ones like Mother’s Day. Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda. Isn’t it enough to treat mothers/fathers/etc well on a regular basis? Doesn’t that mean more than a call/card once a year? I don’t want to be this way. Help…
I frame it like this:
After my mother is gone, and I can't call her and say, "Happy Mother's day, Mom! I know we talked two days ago, but I just wanted to say I love you and appreciate you! Did you have a good brunch?"
how would I feel about not doing that today because of my hate of consumerism? Will I feel really good about myself, that I've lived my values and not bought into to some stupid fake holiday meant to sell greeting cards? Or will I be filled with regret that I didn't take every opportunity to tell the woman who selflessly raised me, who gave up the prime of her life to set me on a course that has led to a lot of happiness and fulfillment, that I love and appreciate her?
When I frame it like that, my values always seem kind of shallow and solipsistic. The point of this isn't for me to feel good about my strong values. It's to let my mother feel good and appreciated for everything she did for me.
Just for context: I text my mom a few times a week and we FaceTime at leat once every two weeks, and I usually let her know how much I appreciate her when we chat, so it's not like I'm using only Mother's Day to express myself.
Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#139I was 22, that was the last mothers day my mother was alive for. Of course I didn't know at the time, but I didn't call. Im 44 now and its one of my biggest regrets. Dont be like me. Call her.
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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom
#140Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week
Yes we were sold on the nuclear family that has turned out quite disastrously
It's rather natural in most of the highly developed countries where people can afford to live separately from non-immediate generations. It's virtually the same in the European country I live in, and in both places elders often treasure the independence that they can have because they've grown up valuing a greater degree of individualism. I'm curious why you think nuclear families have turned out disastrously.