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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#131

Post by stevetrewick »

jahewson wrote: post #119
facepalm wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? In general people try not to be rude. Not only because of societal pressure, but also to avoid escalation of conflicts. What is different is that women get asked out a lot more than men, so maybe they are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody. There is no indication here that being rude would have prevented the stalking.

> Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? Where to begin? A rude man might be described as "tough", "assertive", or "confident". What would a rude woman be described as? Moreover, what constituted rudeness for a man? How about for a woman? See the double standard?

>See the double standard

No, not in real life. Wherever you live/work is fucked up if you do (academia, perchance ?). Rude men are just described as rude, often in less polite ways. I've worked bars, factories, manual labour, all the way up to board rooms and I have never once seen this particular double standard applied. I say this as someone with both a keen eye for and a near zero tolerance of prejudice and discrimination of any kind.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#132

Post by KaiserPro »

fpgaminer wrote: post #87
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

you're railing against the observation, making discussion of the causes difficult and therefore possible solution discovery possible.

If we are to tackle social problems, we can't argue about language of the problem for fear of being branded as *ist

we don't do this about high blood pressure, or diabetes. The way you are arguing is actually a logical extension of the original observation in the parent. The original statement was actually present rather well.

You make the correct observation that women and men have the same mental faculties (if taken as a whole, individuals will vary.) However you make a grand gesture of pointing out that women and men are the same. We know this, the original post implied this.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#134

Post by briandear »

na85 wrote: post #38
Mithaldu wrote: post #6

End result: The thing resolved itself, likely because someone else sued her stalker. I have to wonder though: If her local police was ignorant of actual laws applying to her case, as she indicated, couldn't she just tell the officers under which exact laws she is making a complaint? Further, if the local police is generally ignorant and incompetent, what would her chances for success be in using a lawyer to try and i…

>If her local police was ignorant of actual laws applying to her case, as she indicated, couldn't she just tell the officers under which exact laws she is making a complaint? To me at least it's been conclusively demonstrated that 60-90% of police are completely incompetent. I would not trust them to do the right thing even if you mentioned the law.

60-90% Completely incompetent? Any data to back that rather specific percentage claim or do you just hate cops and thus feel free to make unsupported assertions? I am not disputing or even proposing a number of my own, but then again, I'm not looking at the objective data you apparently have.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#135

Post by KaiserPro »

misogyny101 wrote: post #130
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

BS because: Man get conditioned from a very young age to get their sheet together and not let their life be steered by fear. And if they do. They are a fail. THIS is societal pressure. Not being able to saying no just means she is weak. She gives absolutely no reason for her being unable to say no. Except that she would like to NOT confront that bad feeling she might have. And YOU coming here and talking about her be…

I get what your saying.

But, to expand this, you explain that men are generally conditioned to be fearless, if they are not, they are labelled girly, or something similar right?

So conversely women are conditioned to be compliant/delicate right? Women are not allowed to fight, confront or be violent. After all women fighting is a fetish right?

Now, lets get to the point, if a man writes a blog post about his crippling fear of something that might seem easy overcome, like water, or rain. Does that make him weak? Admitting to society that he is not what he is supposed to be? No.

I'd also postulate that actually if she stood up to him, would he have stopped? Its unlikely, its a special type of person that stalks for 15 years.

Its also a shame that you didn't feel confident to air your views under your real account.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#136

Post by hga »

ryanlol wrote: post #129
btilly wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, she got specific advice about restraining orders. The specific advice was, "The point at which a stalker is likely to flip out is the point where it becomes obvious to the stalker that the attention is unwanted and the relationship can never work. There is a real possibility that the act of taking out a restraining order will trigger a murder-suicide." When you're dealing with insane people, you can't expect a sa…

At that point, why not just buy a gun and start going to a shooting range? Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense. I don't personally believe that anyone should have to do this, but I also believe that if you feel sufficiently threatened it'd be silly to ignore your legal right to self-defense.

Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense.

ALL US jurisdictions have such a framework, although a 7 plus D.C. make it impractical to use by mostly not allowing concealed carry, and a subset of them have a duty to retreat which will likely get you crucified later in court (e.g. Maryland and at times, even in your home, Massachusetts). The author is said to live in New York, which is all but no possession let alone no issue in NYC, and may issue, sometimes liberally upstate, so she probably can't take your advice.

ADDED: And it still won't stop the cyberstalking, just give her a backstop if it goes "real world".

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#137

Post by rl3 »

misogyny101 wrote: post #130
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

BS because: Man get conditioned from a very young age to get their sheet together and not let their life be steered by fear. And if they do. They are a fail. THIS is societal pressure. Not being able to saying no just means she is weak. She gives absolutely no reason for her being unable to say no. Except that she would like to NOT confront that bad feeling she might have. And YOU coming here and talking about her be…

>Not being able to saying no just means she is weak.

Or you know, since the guy started stalking her from the age of twelve, she may have been conditioned to accept that type of behavior, or otherwise failed to realize how serious it actually was until later.

It's also very possible she didn't want to confront her stalker out of fear. Have you ever tried telling a crazy person they're crazy? Hint: it's usually impossible and almost always turns ugly.

Good job personifying your username, though.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#138

Post by JulianMorrison »

dracht wrote: post #121
varjag wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How many men end up kept in bunkers against their will by women?

How many women can physically dominate an average man?

Humans aren't averages. A randomly chosen woman will almost always have some fraction of men out there she can physically dominate. And some women are just plain tough and could physically impose on nearly all men. And yet men don't worry and walk faster when the woman they're alone with in the parking lot looks like she could bench a truck.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#139

Post by notahacker »

cplease wrote: post #33
sandworm101 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They are not that expensive. She know the guy. No investigation is needed. A lawyer won't charge much to put a scary demand letter together, maybe a couple hundred at most but probably much less in such a situation. Going to a lawyer first, before the police, could also have softened much of that horrific experience. Going to the police WITH your lawyer also makes a real difference. It will at least get you past the…

Or just telling him directly to stop himself. Maybe she did, but she didn't say she did. "Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" isn't quite the same thing as DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN. A gentleman would get the hint, but a gentleman wouldn't be such a creepy asshole to begin with. You don't legally have the right to dictate to someone how they talk to you. You do legally have the right to cut off all contact wit…

His response to ""Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU", followed by a block when the messaging remained unchanged was to file a series of nuisance complaints about her and start messaging her friends and employers.

I don't think any reasonable law enforcement agency could conclude that this behaviour wasn't a problem because she hadn't asked him to stop.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#140

Post by ryanlol »

hga wrote: post #136
ryanlol wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At that point, why not just buy a gun and start going to a shooting range? Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense. I don't personally believe that anyone should have to do this, but I also believe that if you feel sufficiently threatened it'd be silly to ignore your legal right to self-defense.

Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense. ALL US jurisdictions have such a framework, although a 7 plus D.C. make it impractical to use by mostly not allowing concealed carry, and a subset of them have a duty to retreat which will likely get you crucified later in court (e.g. Maryland and at times, even in your home, Massachusetts). The author is said to live in New…

I wasn't talking about the article, but responding to btillys comment and btilly never clarified the jurisdiction where the events he was describing took place.

I do think that the ability to defend yourself would be of great help if you're faced with a serious threat of physical violence, as seemed to be the case in the situation btilly described.

> a subset of them have a duty to retreat which will likely get you crucified later in court

This is what I was referring to with "most".

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