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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#111

Post by jahewson »

fpgaminer wrote: post #87
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

> I strongly suspect both genders are equally susceptible to being manipulated by societal pressures.

Sure but which gender does society place more pressures on?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#112

Post by anupamsr »

shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

This is simply not true. The 'societal pressure' on women to be accommodating is the cost levied on women for being allowed to be judge and jury about how someone is treating them. To quote, 'with great power comes great responsibility'.

By missing the power part of the equation, you are creating a victim of responsibility.

In a world where women actually don't have to face any repercussion for being irresponsible, I think you are making a grave mistake.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#113

Post by [deleted] »

tobr wrote: post #105
throwaway39578 wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" sounds exactly like "I told my cyber stalker that if he didn't ease up on how much he was messaging me - my phone was beeping multiple times per day, bothering me at all hours - he could forget about breakfast in the morning from here on out - the next time he showed up at my apartment, I'd send him home with the night bus as soon as we were done having sex." (not a quot…

Blame the victim, right? The article doesn't say she has not told him never to contact her again, so I don't know why you assume that. And regardless, she's not bad at communcation. If someone blocks you and stops responding for years, it can't reasonably be interpreted as an invitation for more contact. You also insinuate that they had a sexual relationship, which I think it's pretty clear they didn't.

[deleted]

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#114

Post by facepalm »

fiatmoney wrote: post #5

Most of these amount to libel, at worst. File suit. There are excellent reasons for police to be uninvolved in what amounts to people saying mean things, even if those mean things are directed at your employer or friends.

I was also thinking "isn't libel a crime/illegal"? So I guess I (and maybe the author) just don't really know how the legal system works, meaning that in the case of libel you don't go through the police, you go directly to your lawyer?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#115

Post by facepalm »

shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? In general people try not to be rude. Not only because of societal pressure, but also to avoid escalation of conflicts. What is different is that women get asked out a lot more than men, so maybe they are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody.

There is no indication here that being rude would have prevented the stalking.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#116

Post by facepalm »

azernik wrote: post #62
nostrebored wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Strong username for this reply. If you don't think women are socialized to be accommodating you have your head in the sand. Look at profession choices, look at the plethora of anecdotal stories, and look at how parents interact with their daughters.

And, you know, the multitude of peer-reviewed studies on the effects of this conditioning (causation is harder to measure, of course).

Links?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#117

Post by facepalm »

printering wrote: post #34
pervycreeper wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world Without commenting on whether this is a fair assessment, I will observe that in order to make this case for this to be true, more evidence than a single (fictional) anecdote would be necessary, and one would also want to accurately assess whether non-women are also expect…

Donald Trump.

Sarah Palin - I think that is the standard reply to trotting out the example of Donald Trump to prove X about men?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#118

Post by facepalm »

btilly wrote: post #64

Yeah, it sucks, but no surprise. Stalking is an old, old problem. And the police won't do anything until it turns violent. You can stalk normal people, movie stars, business people - pretty much anyone other than a psychiatrist. (It turns out that psychiatrists have a really easy time getting their stalkers committed to insane asylums.) I know a woman who owns nothing in her own name, changes her phone number frequen…

Can't people be put into a psychiatric ward at some point?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#119

Post by jahewson »

facepalm wrote: post #115
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? In general people try not to be rude. Not only because of societal pressure, but also to avoid escalation of conflicts. What is different is that women get asked out a lot more than men, so maybe they are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody. There is no indication here that being rude would have prevented the stalking.

> Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men?

Where to begin? A rude man might be described as "tough", "assertive", or "confident". What would a rude woman be described as? Moreover, what constituted rudeness for a man? How about for a woman? See the double standard?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#120

Post by nitrogen »

jahewson wrote: post #119
facepalm wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? In general people try not to be rude. Not only because of societal pressure, but also to avoid escalation of conflicts. What is different is that women get asked out a lot more than men, so maybe they are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody. There is no indication here that being rude would have prevented the stalking.

> Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? Where to begin? A rude man might be described as "tough", "assertive", or "confident". What would a rude woman be described as? Moreover, what constituted rudeness for a man? How about for a woman? See the double standard?

Hopefully this is changing, and people will come to view rudeness as equally negative (or positive) regardless of gender. I for one would not describe a rude man in any way that wouldn't also apply equally to a rude woman.
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