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No Longer Wanting to Die

opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com

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Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#61

Post by Chinmayh »

randxx wrote: post #47
maxerickson wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.

Yeah, a little sympathy and open-mindedness here would be helpful. I'm a grown adult, C-level professional with ZERO real-world friends. And I've tried... but the connections haven't stuck. It's quite bothersome, and makes you question everything about yourself and why this outcome could possibly be true after a lifetime of having tried to maintain and improve connections with others. I've adopted a more tolerant and…

Thanks for the support!! I have heard a lot worse from people. The worst is always when I am suddenly cut off from their life or just ignored. Well, the only way is to move on and try again in such situations. Over analyzing or confrontation only hurts more.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#62

Post by maxerickson »

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #59
maxerickson wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.

Effort? The more effort you spend on being shocked and appalled, the falser it appears. And I am really, properly shocked and appalled. I fail to conceive of how people could ever not be terminally depressed in that situation. I fail to understand how they can keep functioning in that situation. How can people live that way? Worse: how do we expect people to live that way?

That's all fine, but what do you expect the person you are engaged with to gain from reading your post?

It isn't readily apparent to me what that would be, but instead of assuming that you were just being a jerk, I suggested trying harder to communicate whatever it was you thought was of value there.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#63

Post by HSO »

Honest question: Is it just me or did articles related to suicide appear more frequently than usual lately here, and in the general media? Or is it this bias where I just pay more attention lately and the frequency never really changed, plus/minus noise?

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#64

Post by Chinmayh »

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #41
Chinmayh wrote: post #7

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 years. I personally hate meeting psychologists, because they can be so unpredictable. Some of the better ones prescribed me medicine, some of the worse ones, told me I had to stop crying and find solutions to my problems, that I was lazy. I was also told becaus…

>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!? How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!? That would have broken me in mere months.

"How are you not dead?" And what would you have me do about it - Kill myself. Not really a solution. is it?

Most rich people will break if they are forced to live in poverty. Most people take what they have for granted. Rarely realizing, how lucky they are.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#65

Post by Chinmayh »

abandonliberty wrote: post #29
stegosaurus wrote: post #13

Treatment for depression is badly handled almost universally... It seems as if people still don't generally understand that it's more than 'feeling a bit sad'. If you break your knee, you will (99.9% chance) go and see a doctor. If the first doctor doesn't fix it, you'll see another. Your knee is broken, unusable, painful and you have a drive to fix it. A more serious injury will generally result in a friend/family m…

This is further compounded by the stigma & blame that surrounds mental illness, which can be quite severe in certain cultures/countries e.g. China

Add India to the list

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#66

Post by a3voices »

stegosaurus wrote: post #13

Treatment for depression is badly handled almost universally... It seems as if people still don't generally understand that it's more than 'feeling a bit sad'. If you break your knee, you will (99.9% chance) go and see a doctor. If the first doctor doesn't fix it, you'll see another. Your knee is broken, unusable, painful and you have a drive to fix it. A more serious injury will generally result in a friend/family m…

> even getting to the stage of seeing a doctor can fail, because suddenly everything is 'pointless' (bad wording. sorry.)

Everything actually is pointless, since all matter and energy will dissipate from entropy on a long enough time span. Also everyone you know will be dead in 100 years, most likely.

Also most of these people would go see their doctor if there was a million dollars in gold waiting there for them. It's not that 'everything is pointless' is the reason preventing them, but rather that there isn't enough significance in seeing the doctor.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#67

Post by tormeh »

a3voices wrote: post #66
stegosaurus wrote: post #13

Treatment for depression is badly handled almost universally... It seems as if people still don't generally understand that it's more than 'feeling a bit sad'. If you break your knee, you will (99.9% chance) go and see a doctor. If the first doctor doesn't fix it, you'll see another. Your knee is broken, unusable, painful and you have a drive to fix it. A more serious injury will generally result in a friend/family m…

> even getting to the stage of seeing a doctor can fail, because suddenly everything is 'pointless' (bad wording. sorry.) Everything actually is pointless, since all matter and energy will dissipate from entropy on a long enough time span. Also everyone you know will be dead in 100 years, most likely. Also most of these people would go see their doctor if there was a million dollars in gold waiting there for them. It…

Yes, all true, but you'd have to be depressed to not have the cognitive biases which prevent you from making this more than an academic observation.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#68

Post by a3voices »

tormeh wrote: post #67
a3voices wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> even getting to the stage of seeing a doctor can fail, because suddenly everything is 'pointless' (bad wording. sorry.) Everything actually is pointless, since all matter and energy will dissipate from entropy on a long enough time span. Also everyone you know will be dead in 100 years, most likely. Also most of these people would go see their doctor if there was a million dollars in gold waiting there for them. It…

Yes, all true, but you'd have to be depressed to not have the cognitive biases which prevent you from making this more than an academic observation.

I modified my original comment, so I guess I'll rewrite it. And I totally agree.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#69

Post by cpncrunch »

judk wrote: post #58
Chinmayh wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks cpncrunch! It feels good to have my problems acknowledged. I will remember your advice. Regarding mindfullness, I am trying to be busy all the time and take no breaks. Either do some activity that doesn't let me analyze an event or crash on the bed. The moment I feel I am getting involved in some topic, I just try to move on.

Remember that busy doesn't have to mean hectic -- taking a walk or seeing a movie with people is a way to stay busy.

Yes, agreed. Excessive stress can also cause depression. I find hiking, cycling, napping, swimming in the sea, sitting at the beach, etc. are all good for optimum mental health.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#70

Post by alexashka »

I find it curious that what strikes me as the real reason for feeling depressed - his inability to handle anxiety and reliance on medication for it, was not the first paragraph, with multiple exclamation marks around it.

THAT was the problem that got fixed as far as I can tell. There was also shame, feeling of inadequacy, etc but the real issue here seems to be that once you can handle a debilitating level of anxiety, you feel empowered to go out and live life and try things.

That's what so many of these depression or suicide articles/ideas seem to be missing - there is usually some debilitating condition that the person is keeping quiet about, that's contributing to the downward spiral and until that gets fixed, nothing is going to work out.

The debilitating problems range from individual to individual, so how can one silver bullet be found for being suicidal or being depressed? It varies.

The issue as I see it in a lot of cases, is one of not being open enough about the root of the problem with yourself and others. Sometimes they don't even really know! (Usually younger people)

I have met a number of people who have depression and it's usually the same story - being very defensive about whatever the root cause might be and if you probe them, they'll clamp up. It's almost like it hurts too much to admit that you are not ok.

That's where there's such enormous amounts of shame - if you've lived with a problem for a dozen years and haven't fixed it, that'll get most people down, no doubt about it.

So yeah, on one hand there's definitely stigma attached to depression and being suicidal but on the other, by treating it as some unicorn of a problem, we are not helping anybody. I think an assumption that there's a root problem that once tackled, will yield massive returns, would go a long way. Coupled with recognizing that most people feel almost insurmountable amounts of pressure at one point or another and find/having people who are understanding and constructively supportive beyond 'everything's gonna be ok' is paramount.

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