No Longer Wanting to Die • Hacker News Board

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#41

Post by eli_gottlieb » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:03 PM UTC

Chinmayh wrote: post #7

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 years. I personally hate meeting psychologists, because they can be so unpredictable. Some of the better ones prescribed me medicine, some of the worse ones, told me I had to stop crying and find solutions to my problems, that I was lazy. I was also told becaus…

>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive

WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!?

How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!?

That would have broken me in mere months.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#42

Post by physcab » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:08 PM UTC

While I don't really understand the differences between CBT and DBT, I've been seeing a therapist who has prescribed a lot of the treatments the author mentions. It never occurred to me that I suffered with anxiety but through a series of events I started having panic attacks and sought help.

I've since learned that anxiety is often a front for emotions that cannot be adequately expressed or processed. For me, it's all the "unhealthy" emotions - anger, sadness, shame. The tools I've been able to deploy in anxiety fits include mindfulness: simply concentrating on my breathing and realizing how my body is reacting to stimuli. Often just meditating for a few minutes helps lower my anxiety, get my breathing under control and stop my heart from pounding.

There's also journaling my emotions several times a day. I built an app that sends me an SMS asking me how I am feeling and why and logs the response for later analysis.

It's not easy building new skills. It's also not easy re-training your mind after a lifetime of negative thinking. But so far its been working, and I've been able to do it drug free.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#43

Post by maxerickson » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:10 PM UTC

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #41

Chinmayh wrote: post #7

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 years. I personally hate meeting psychologists, because they can be so unpredictable. Some of the better ones prescribed me medicine, some of the worse ones, told me I had to stop crying and find solutions to my problems, that I was lazy. I was also told becaus…

>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!? How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!? That would have broken me in mere months.

If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#44

Post by a3n » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:12 PM UTC

colund wrote: post #19

Hacker News unfortunately seems to be more and more about depression/psychology and less and less about positive entrepreneurship and tech/programming. I want to be inspired.

You could just not read the articles that aren't interesting to you. Wishing that all/more of the articles are within your interests is essentially wishing that all/more of the people within the community are more like you. But in a community, that's unlikely.

Or, you could read some of the articles that aren't interesting to you, as they'll have ideas and problems that might be outside of your immediate experience and view. Who knows, they might directly or indirectly inspire some entrepreneurial idea that wouldn't have occurred to you otherwise.

Keep your eyes and mind open, you never know what problems you might solve.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#45

Post by a3n » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:14 PM UTC

foobarqux wrote: post #36

javajosh wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to mention the social stigma that still(!) haunts depression (and virtually all psychological injuries). Few physical injuries have any sort of stigma - and the ones that do are usually associated with depression. Certainly it would be better if that stopped entirely (and, as with homosexuality in general, and gay marriage, it seems to be happening). That said, I actually have sympathy for the stigmatizers. From…

It doesn't matter much if a person is sad for no reason, no one wants to be around someone who is sad.

This didn't deserve a downvote, it's a good observation of the problem. If you're depressed, it's very hard for people to be around you, and that makes the depression worse.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#46

Post by a3n » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:17 PM UTC

sopooneo wrote: post #30

shanusmagnus wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is a general problem with the health care system. Finding somebody that's worth a shit is basically impossible to do in any sensible way, even for something as straightforward as orthopedics -- my journey towards shoulder surgery has been ridiculous to the point of farce. If it's this bad for ortho it must be unimaginably awful for anything touching mental health. What does one do? Get personal recommend…

I can testify to the mental health search difficulty. A close family member is searching for a therapist for emotional help dealing with an occasionally debilitating physical health issue. The first group we found through online searches ended up being a front for a multi-level-marketing group schilling essential oils. The second group, recommended by the overseeing physician at one of the most prestigious hospitals…

I've begun to wonder if the US is really and second and a half world nation. We have so much potential, and we keep it from ourselves. Maddening.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#47

Post by randxx » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:19 PM UTC

maxerickson wrote: post #43

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!? How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!? That would have broken me in mere months.

If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.

Yeah, a little sympathy and open-mindedness here would be helpful.

I'm a grown adult, C-level professional with ZERO real-world friends. And I've tried... but the connections haven't stuck. It's quite bothersome, and makes you question everything about yourself and why this outcome could possibly be true after a lifetime of having tried to maintain and improve connections with others.

I've adopted a more tolerant and accepting self-view with respect to this, and the pain level of being completely socially isolated is in the 20-30% range, but the pain of on-going disinterest on the part of others was quite high.. like 80-90%. So it's a bit of progress. But my point is: for those who haven't found their way to an operable level of acceptance, a "WTF!" response isn't kind or helpful or insightful.

There are many of us "ForeverAlone"-ers out there, and trust me... we're 10x more confused than you might profess to be.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#48

Post by a3n » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:27 PM UTC

kvcc01 wrote: post #40

cpncrunch wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I suspect that it might be because the people who are driven to be entrepreneurs also have a higher likelihood of suffering from depression.

Yes. Unlike the parent, I welcome reading such stories. It keeps me cognizant of the risks of ignoring mental well-being. I think our professions (programming in particular) has more mischief potential because it makes it easy to drift into solitude while remaining productive. I can easily do my work locked up in a room with my computer sustained by Instacart without much human interaction, but therein lies sorrow. Y…

I wonder if a life of programming, in particular, could mislead us to see big messy life as merely a stream of input, logical processing, and output.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#49

Post by kvcc01 » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:30 PM UTC

halis wrote: post #37

I had a brother that committed suicide 7 years ago and his story was similar to yours. A history of extreme emotional swings and hospitalization for attempting suicide. I was the best man at his wedding. Once he got married and had three sons I thought that was the end of that part of his life. In my mind, no one with three little boys could ever kill themselves. I was wrong. As soon as his marriage started to fall a…

Your story is very sad, I'm truly sorry.

An important risk factor for career-oriented married men is total abdication of social efforts and leaving it to the spouse "to manage the social calendar." In the long run, this causes men's own friendships to atrophy. Then, if your spouse divorces you (or pre-deceases you), you find yourself without any functional support structure, which could trigger depression or worse.

I learned this from a book I read a while ago ("Lonely at the Top"), which tries to explain the causes of male suicide, especially among successful men. I vowed then, that if I get married, I'd make a very deliberate effort to maintain those friendships I had before the marriage. It's quite possible that someday, those friendships will be all that you may have left to rely on.

Re: No Longer Wanting to Die

#50

Post by Chinmayh » Sun, May 17, 2015, 4:36 PM UTC

cpncrunch wrote: post #39

Chinmayh wrote: post #7

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 years. I personally hate meeting psychologists, because they can be so unpredictable. Some of the better ones prescribed me medicine, some of the worse ones, told me I had to stop crying and find solutions to my problems, that I was lazy. I was also told becaus…

Here are some suggestions that worked for me, and may (or may not) help. I find that depression -- at least for me -- has two main causes: [1] Excessive emotional response to bad situations (similar to what the author of this article is experiencing). and: [2] Insufficient motivation/goals/joy. My solution to [1] is twofold: mindfulness and resolution. Be aware that excessive negative emotional responses are bad (as…

Thanks cpncrunch! It feels good to have my problems acknowledged. I will remember your advice. Regarding mindfullness, I am trying to be busy all the time and take no breaks. Either do some activity that doesn't let me analyze an event or crash on the bed. The moment I feel I am getting involved in some topic, I just try to move on.