The male suicides: how social perfectionism kills

I made an observation given keying words and phrases you used. I've no doubt your description came from an honestly held belief. Describing the ideal male in a patriarchal society to find raising a family or keeping a household to be menial and beneath him, indicates a viewpoint based on disrespecting women and considering them less, rather than an illogical division of family and social duties based on physical gender differences.

Your umbrage is misplaced.

The whole patriarchy critique is a biased philosophical position of a particular social movement. If you guys like it, fine, but you don't get to force it upon others.

From the linked article - "In 2013, if you were a man between the ages of 20 and 49 who’d died, the most likely cause was not assault nor car crash nor drug abuse nor heart attack, but a decision that you didn’t wish to live any more".

Dismissing the people who try to talk about these issues and branding everyone 'MRAs' seems like an attempt to kill any discussion, normally by those who cannot argue with the statistics.

What is ignored when people make the "There's no bias in family court! Fathers just don't seek custody!" claim:

1. Who gets automatic custody? Custody of children born out of wedlock is automatically given to the mother. In most states custody of children in divorced families also goes automatically to the mother. In both cases the father must undergo a lengthy and expensive legal process (depending on how willing the mother is to allow him access - the father is at the mercy of the mother to allow him to be in his children's lives). It is then the father's "privilege" to sue for custody.

2. The price of seeking custody for men - fathers must pony up the cash, time, and emotional expense for:

* Hiring a family practice lawyer (thousands of dollars) * Paying for a custody mediator (hundreds of dollars) * Paying for supervised visitation (hundreds of dollars) * Custody screenings (hundreds-thousands of dollars) * Psychological evaluation (hundreds of dollars and the risk of thrusting oneself into the state psychological system) * Drug testing (massive invasion of privacy).

3. While the father is busy jumping through these hoops and spending the required thousands of dollars, he is also expected to be paying child support (and alimony if he was married). If he fails to do so he will be jailed, have his state professional and drivers licenses revoked, and face public humiliation as a "dead beat dad".

4. Law surrounding domestic and sexual violence make it extremely easy for mothers to accuse fathers with a complete lack of evidence. This is extremely common ( http://www.saveservices.org/camp/faam-2011/false-accusations... ). Now the father is fighting a criminal charge while fighting for custody of his children. Thanks to VAWA/The Duluth Model, even with no evidence he will be arrested and charged.

Lets take a look at what it really means to be a father facing the family court system:

You are unable to see your child for months or even years, yet you are sending 25%+ of your income every month to their mother - the person who is preventing you from being in your kids lives. You are expected to continue sending these payments, while opening your life to rigorous inspection from the state and funding your custody battle. You are attending mediation and court hearings while holding down a full-time job - a job that if you lose, you will be unable to make your payments and end up a felon in child support arrears. During all of this your risk of being falsely accused of domestic or sexual violence is increased exponentially.

When people like yourself try and spin the horrific situation that men face in the family court system as "men just don't want custody" it makes my blood boil. You ignore the cost of the process, you ignore the unequal laws surrounding parenthood and reproduction, and you ignore the normalized alienation of fathers from their children that is increasing exponentially and having a disastrous effect on society.

If you are still confused about how family court works, I invite you to watch the documentary Divorce Corp. and get a more accurate understanding about how fathers are routinely alienated from their children by vindictive mothers with full support from the state.

I remember reading a strange question on Quora once. A woman was trying to figure out why her husband was always drunk and suicidal. "He used to be the perfect man! I don't understand why he's acting like this now." Of course, in the next paragraph, she mentions that it all started right after she had cheated on him. The disconnect between her behavior and her failure to recognize its consequences was staggering.