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Be Kind

boz.com

221–230 of 401 posts

Re: Be Kind

#221
I don't agree with the author.

Did that my first sentence above just hurt the feelings of the author or many of the readers over here? Please read on.

This kind of philosophies (be kind-hearted, be tolerant etc) are the ones making humanity loose their natural vigor and push people into unnatural soft-minded, lame and vulnerable population.

These self-restricting rules makes you neutral and weak against someone who goes by natural and wild instincts. This is what is happening in the case of extremism of different kinds. The natural attitude always wins.

Be yourself. Be natural. Don't let your supremacy go without gains. Don't impose restrictions on yourself, just to please others.

Look at this. The author says that the people who lost their argument complain about the winner and forces the winner to mend his ways, just by holding team work to ransom, instead of improving their own thinking. And the author and his boss asks us to give in to such unfair play.

Sometimes It appears that most of the men in the developed world are feminized (weakened or neutralized) by their schooling and social restrictions. They are forced to present themselves always in a very pleasant form to others, instead of their natural form. Being social and well-mannered is taken to a little too far, and creating the lame populations all over world, begging for likes, karma, votes, recognition, appreciation and pampering. This is not how a strong society evolves. Stop being childish all through your life.

Please, let the better thought win and prevail. Don't let it loose to the unfair demands by the weak minds who don't want to accept the legitimate supremacy of others. Be manly. Because that is natural.

And finally, if you feel that the above is a little too harsh, you haven't grown out of your pampered childhood yet.

Re: Be Kind

#222

This is a fantastic post and hits really close to home. I'm currently going through almost the exact same situation, where I'm effectively being demoted due to my general lack of kindness. It's also important to note that if boz is anything like me, he probably had to be almost fired for the lesson to go through. For most of my life, people have been telling me I need to be kinder (especially my parents), but I've ne…

I find it easier to be kind when I try to see things from the perspective of the other person. I quickly put myself in their position & try to understand what would be helpful and what would be counter-productive. Observing and listening to others goes a long way. That needy coworker that's annoying may be craving affirmation: smile when appropriate and avoid blaming their identity for their actions ("you failed" vs.…

Agreed @ perspective-hopping. It definitely helps to consider every stakeholder's viewpoint when making a decision.

Also: I've heard the "kindness version" of the religious saying:

"Do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

Of course, taken to extremes this is a bad idea. But it definitely helps to get into that mindset.

Re: Be Kind

#223
post #7

This guy has a 3 letter domain for his personal blog. How did he land that?

I have two different friends with 3 letter .com domains. It's all about being an early adopter.

Re: Be Kind

#224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find it easier to be kind when I try to see things from the perspective of the other person. I quickly put myself in their position & try to understand what would be helpful and what would be counter-productive. Observing and listening to others goes a long way. That needy coworker that's annoying may be craving affirmation: smile when appropriate and avoid blaming their identity for their actions ("you failed" vs.…

> Most religions have codified kindness as "do to others what you want them to do to you". I actually think the Golden Rule is very ineffective. Personally, I'd prefer if everyone got quickly to the point with me and said things quickly and plainly. While this is great for many engineers, some other people prefer a lot more subtlety.

Agreed. Anything else is a waste of time, and usually leaves me with more questions than answers.

At the same time, the quick and efficient version can still be presented in a positive - or at least nonnegative - way, which I think OP mentions: "callous indifference" is indistinguishable from "mean", for many people, which makes it difficult to work together.

Re: Be Kind

#225
post #220

I don't agree with the author. Did that my first sentence above just hurt the feelings of the author or or many of the readers over here? Please read on. This kind of philosophies (be kind-hearted, be tolerant etc) are the ones making humanity loose their natural vigor and push people into unnatural soft-minded, lame and vulnerable population. These self-restricting rules makes you neutral and weak against someone wh…

I don't think anyone thinks disagreement should lead to hurt feelings. There's a difference between being right and KIND and being right and a total ass.

We live in a civil world and as much as you promote "natural vigor" as an anthesis to kindness, there are ways to have vigor and drive while also being kind and respected. Difficult? Yes, but as a society we should aspire to do great things while also having a regard for the feelings of the other people we share this planet with.

Re: Be Kind

#226
post #59

This is a fantastic article from Boz. I have to be blunt in my criticism, however, as I imagine Boz would expect and appreciate. I had a few run-ins with him in the early 2010s and I don't see much evidence that he learned from these experiences or changed his basic working pattern. Or maybe he was even more raw before I met him. :) I learned very early on not to have anything Boz wanted nor to cross him. It's hard t…

Yup, this post is about the start of a journey that is still ongoing for me. It still takes work and I still lose focus and do poorly and tried to call that out at the end. To your specific point, I probably was even worse in 2008 than what you experienced in 2010. That's probably true at every point since. I'm getting better, but I am sure you can find people even in the last year who would say this post doesn't ref…

> Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you.

> the start of a journey that is still ongoing

Then you still have a long way to go on that journey, because you apparently have no idea the damage you've done to the world with Facebook. You have help lead people into undermining their own privacy, straight into the hands of a surveillance state.

So keep on that journey. Maybe in a few decades, when it is far too late, you'll realize how much you have hurt humanity. For the time being, I expect you'll just dismiss this entire post.

/sigh/ I don't have many regrets in life, but you, "Boz", are one of them. I wish I never ran those 4-H programming projects, and never worked to get you interested in computers. It probably wouldn't have changed much, but maybe the problem we call "Facebook" would be just a little bit easier to fight.

Re: Be Kind

#227
>> I’m still not as good as I’d like to be at any of this...

...

>> But believing deeply that I am responsible for how I make others feel ...

...

Don't make a guilt trip out of this.

You're cool, smart and capable.

Go ahead and conquer higher heights.

Pleasing others neither been a winning nor beneficial strategy for anyone.

Re: Be Kind

#228
post #121
post #4

I really like these two paragraphs towards the end: Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them. Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence af…

Yes, totally this. Moreover, I'd like to add anonymously down-voting / reporting someone's opinion just because it's not yours is just as mean-spirited as calling someone names. Every internet message board has its own culture with its own take on what's "right" and what's "wrong", and on HN (and reddit) the institutionally accepted way of being mean is misusing the downvoting / flagkilling system to attempt to bleep…

"Yes, totally this. Moreover, I'd like to add anonymously down-voting / reporting someone's opinion just because it's not yours is just as mean-spirited as calling someone names."

I've stopped up/down voting all together for similar reasons.

Re: Be Kind

#229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's perfectly OK to disagree with someone; but please consider doing so in a respectful and thoughtful tone. The problem I've found is I literally get ignored and end up repeatedly dealing with the same mess until I stop being "kind" about it. I generally have to do literally 10x as much work to be "kind" than when I'm less generous about it. The problem with kindness is its frequently taken [in IT, in places I've…

This is confusing "kind" with "nice". If your audience can handle some directness, be direct. It's okay to say, "This is a horrible idea, and I can't believe we're considering this." That can be kind when you care about the person you're talking to. What's unkind is saying, "You're an idiot, and that's a ridiculous idea." Attacking people is not kind, but directness _can_ be kind. On the other hand, you deserve to be…

I don't understand the down votes you're getting. Your contribution to this discussion seems considered and worth considering.

Re: Be Kind

#230
post #121
post #4

I really like these two paragraphs towards the end: Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them. Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence af…

Yes, totally this. Moreover, I'd like to add anonymously down-voting / reporting someone's opinion just because it's not yours is just as mean-spirited as calling someone names. Every internet message board has its own culture with its own take on what's "right" and what's "wrong", and on HN (and reddit) the institutionally accepted way of being mean is misusing the downvoting / flagkilling system to attempt to bleep…

It's not much, but when I see posts that are downvoted for no discernable reason (assuming good faith on the poster), I'll usually throw them an upvote to bring them a bit out of grey.

It's not much, but if I'm having a crap day and something I say it getting downvoted, I feel a little better when it ticks up a notch, knowing at least one person isn't trying to just bomb my post. It's basically the tiniest little gift I like to give to people, heh.

I also think that, if enough people put that upvote in, the community could shift how it reacts to things.

Just my two cents

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