Be Kind

1. Stress & Results. Sometimes being kind can get in the way, and directly lead to a loss of results or respect from others. You wouldn't be kind to someone trying to convince you not to run out of a burning building. As the author says "when I'm under stress.."

"Because a lot of his value, when you’re making giant decisions for huge amounts of money, is saying, ‘Why aren’t you f-ing considering this and this and this?’" - Ben Horowitz on his A16Z partner from "Tomorrow’s Advance Man" in The New Yorker.

There are times when we weight effectiveness above feelings when we think about impacting others, so where's the right line? What if one person's stress threshold is higher than another's? What if one employee is less stressed because they just don't care about your company that much?

2. Passive Aggressiveness. "but more inhibited members of the team avoid any discussions with him". In an ideal growth culture, every member is giving open feedback in context, in real-time. For someone seeking the "truth", nothing is more unkind that passive aggressive behavior.

imo, the CTO f-ed up here.. instead of pointing the finger at Boz, should have focused on creating an environment where the process for resolution is true candor and real-time feedback for team improvement. That letter arose from a process of gossip, rolling into back-room conversations, rolling into a secret, anonymous survey, which led to a HR meeting w/ Boz. A better process is to set expectations for interactions and behavior amongst the whole team. It is cool that the CTO found a way to give some direct feedback and spur Boz's own thinking, just not best process outcome for team.

Everyone needs to know how to respect one another's feelings.. both the guy who is callous, and the guy who is sensitive. A manager responding to the passive aggressiveness of a sensitive team member is naturally going to sympathize more, but the squeaky wheel doesn't point to the root cause and is, in fact, rewarding unkindness.

3. "Kids Crying for No Reason" - google it. Is it kind to take pictures and laugh at kids crying? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your co-workers emotions were perhaps unwarranted, unnecessary, or misapplied? Does your employer screen employees for the appropriateness of their emotional reactions in the kinds of situations you will interact with them?

How can you take responsibility for how your actions affect others if you have a co-worker who is upset about the workplace equivalent of "I flushed my poop before I could look at it"?

I believe to just don't care much about detail, someone is saying something that is not completely true ? As long as the main point is correct no one care about little detail.

No be pedantic...

Try to emphasasis with whoever know a little less than you, do you remember the last time you learned lets say closure ? They were hard at first ? What does it even means to return a function ? Now you use closure everyday.

Whenever somebody ask you about closure remember how you felt the first time you were learning it ? "function than return another function" is true, but it does not help anybody who is learning... Why ? What is the point ? How it is possible ? When they should be used ?

Go deeper in your explanation, it will make you more a mentor than a simple asoles that know a lot of pointless thing but does not what to help anybody...

Also, I made the same mistake over and over...

When somebody tell me something I am used to register just what they told me.

It looks like that people wrap any single word in a huge contest that I never consider...

So it may happens that if I say something in the wrong tone, other people think: "Ohhh he consider himself so smart that he said that in that nasty way... For sure he think I am stupid" and I sound mean... But definitely is not what I want...

Anyway, I still have lot to learn...

Capitalism seems to cater to selfish individuals? A lot of selfish individuals get far financially in life. Think about some of the "successful" people, some of us, idolize here on HN. Think about that person before they became rich and famous. I can usually bring up a list of retched things they did to become financially successful.

That's the rub. They become comfortable in life and are in complete denial over how they carved their way to the top of their version of success.

That's all I have--I have a headache, but kind people know they are kind. They don't need to advertise it. They don't need an audience in order to give to the suffering (human, animals, environment). They are just kind!

Now, the Fakers--well that's what makes me unkind. Oh there are so many Fakers.

(I have a sister who stepped on family members in order to become financially successful, and her journey was ugly. I might be a little over sensitive when it comes to people and kindness.)