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HN Help: I'm lost

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Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#181

Post by ewjordan »

If you're respected in your field, have you considered shifting into consulting? You're really in an ideal position for it: you should have no trouble finding work, and will probably find that if you book the same number of hours, you'll make quite a bit more than you currently do. One of the biggest unpaid time sinks when consulting is negotiating new projects, but you can probably avoid spending too much effort on that - I'm sure plenty of people here would be thrilled to receive help from you if you were in the market.

It's not an ideal lifestyle, and I'm sure you're aware of the drawbacks (insurance, security, travel, uncertainty etc.), but it offers considerably more freedom than a 9-5 (you can always turn down projects if you want more time to yourself, though I'd recommend that instead of saying "No" straight away you do so implicitly by pumping up your rate to the point where you'd be thrilled to take the job if they agreed) without a lot of the risk involved in a startup, and it could allow for a much easier transition towards starting your own business if you decide to take the plunge.

You'll find that Real Job offers emerge on occasion from contracts that you complete, and you may even stumble upon something that's lucrative and interesting enough to take, if you're not loving the hired gun lifestyle...

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#182

Post by run4yourlives »

I am tempted to totally change my life and stop working and create something new that will be challenging and interesting. Create something that I can do from home so that at least I am not a slave to my boss.

That doesn't sound lost to me. Scared, sure. Risky, you bet. But lost? Hell no. You know exactly what you want to do, it's just hard for you to do it.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#183

Post by run4yourlives »

duh wrote: post #134
greyman wrote: post #25

I am probably not a typical HN reader, but full-time "normal" employment works for me. I do software engineering and coding for 8 hours, then I go home, where I see my child, and there is a paycheck every month. So the advice I can give is - find another programming job, which is closer to your home, and chances are your boss will be better. That can solve the problem with money, boss, and time for your child. Regard…

> but full-time "normal" employment works for me Never forget that someone else's ambition is what allows for your relative stability.

Never forget that the someone else's ambition is only achieved through people like him willing to help realize it.

There is no "good" or "bad" in recognizing your particular comfort zone. The only issue arises in you continuing to do something outside of your comfort zone, and that's as true as being an entrepreneur when you hate it as much as it is being an employee when you hate it.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#184

Post by shimon »

duh wrote: post #168
shimon wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a cruel way to look at it. If the guy is more interested in spending time with his family than working, and he's able to find someone who values his 8 hours enough to provide stable employment, then he's found a working arrangement that suits his values. As long as he believes in those values -- and isn't just accepting them by societal default -- there's no reason he should feel guilty.

> That's a cruel way to look at it. I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm reminding him that his (salaried) labor is making someone else wealthy. For those of us who have well developed senses of self-esteem, this is a wholly unacceptable situation.

Not everyone has a sense of self esteem that depends on being the best at everything.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#186

Post by lostsheep2 »

I'm glad you posted. You're not alone. I'm 5 years younger. I'm one of the most passionate people I know. It's difficult to take a leap, I rather be pushed :) .But I'm learning that the sooner I do make the change the sooner I can start living my life. +1 on telling your wife. Even if you decide to make a change tomorrow, it could be that it will take you 6 months to accomplish that goal. So I think it doesn't need to be something that happens tomorrow, but something you can work towards.

BTW great feedback HN peeps

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#187

Post by run4yourlives »

nfnaaron wrote: post #150

When what you're doing isn't working, try anything else. Simplistic, but true nonetheless. The sum of your life isn't working for you, so you should definitely act and change something. Don't think "I should be happy because I have these things or because others like me look happy." You're not happy. Change something. You have zero responsibilities beyond the well being of yourself and your family. Change the job, de…

My son is eleven and I love him exactly the way he is today, but I ache from the fact that I will never again be able to talk to the four year old he once was

As a parent of a 2 1/2 year old and a four month old, I'm saddened that there will be a point in my life - deity willing - that I'll be saying the exact same thing you are.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#188

Post by run4yourlives »

Tichy wrote: post #102
fauigerzigerk wrote: post #50

Either talk to your wife/gf about it or leave her on the spot. Call everyone in your address book and ask them to have a cup of coffee with you. Tell them you're ripe for a change and see what comes out of it. Get a job in Singapore and see whether any startup ideas/opportunities result from it.

Not sure why you were downvoted? Perhaps for suggesting to leave the wife? It sounds cruel, but who knows, sometimes it might be better for everyone.

The problem is that in this situation he's not just leaving the wife, he's leaving the kids.

That is never responsible, not matter what your mental hangups are. If you have kids you would understand this completely.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#189

Post by fizx »

mechanical_fish wrote: post #66
patio11 wrote: post #15

I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.

This is fine advice. I would only note that it also applies to many other people in the world whose job description is isomorphic to "priest".

> job description is isomorphic to "priest"

Ok, that cracked me up.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#190

Post by run4yourlives »

plinkplonk wrote: post #55
sheats wrote: post #51

I don't post much on Hacker News but on this one I must. Happiness is not found in money, job, or having a successful startup. Men, on their deathbeds never wish they had worked more or made more money, but they do wish they had spent more time on what is really important: family and their children. You say you barely see your children. I suggest choosing a job or position that allows you to see your wife and childre…

"You ask "Where should I turn?". My answer: if what I have said rings true at all in your heart, turn to Jesus" May I suggest the Flying Sphagetti Monster instead? Just as valid as some "man in the sky" mythology, from a "turn to X" point of view. Please, take your religious preaching elsewhere and don't prey on someone's confusion/depression, at least on this forum. Thanks in advance.

His advice is not worth any more or less than anyone else's here. He even suggests as much himself.

I'm saddened by the vicious response towards a religious belief. Last time I checked all religions are valid forms of personal expression constitutionally, and as long as he not actively trying to turn HN into an evangelical experience, he is entitled to provide any solution he sees may help without being ridiculed by people that don't have the maturity to accept that others can have different belief systems from them.

For the record, I'm not overly religious and don't think it would personally help, but the validity of god is irrelevant if the outcome is to ease the restless pain he is feeling.

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