HN Help: I'm lost

Regardless of validity in your mind, religion is an important aspect of the lives of billions of people on this planet. The GP was not preaching or preying on anyone -- the phrase "if what I have said rings true at all in your heart" is an indicator of a respectful and well-intentioned comment. For many people in a situation similar to the poster's, looking outside the secular world for help has been what helped them turn around.

Rather than downvoting because you disagree with the concept of religion, why don't you let the poster read the comment and evaluate for himself whether it has good advice?

Thanks for posting this. I don't have the perspective to offer any meaningful advice, but I learned something by reading about your situation and reading the thoughtful responses here.

That said, I agree that you should tell your wife and try to work out a work-from-home situation.

I also think "totally lost" and "utterly unhappy" are exaggerations once you count your numerous blessings. :)

"Poverty is uncomfortable, but regret is excruciating".

I cannot upmod you enough for writing that. It's exactly the kind of feeling I've been having for the past few years but haven't been able to put it into words. Sometimes being poor can be one of your largest assets because it makes you more nimble and forces you to make better decisions--both in startup world and life outside. But you're right, regret is excruciating. You only get one chance (as far as I know) at life. You absolutely have to follow your heart.

Don't have time to read all the fine responses. Let me risk redundancy, then:

+1, "talk to your wife". +1, "talk to other people as well, like a therapist, a priest, or a career counselor".

Don't try to solve all your problems at once. "I hate my current job", "I have no savings", "I barely see my children", "I think I want to work for myself", and "I want to create something new/challenging/interesting" are all separate problems, and the odds are really, really poor that you can solve them all at once, particularly when you add in the too-vital-to-mention underlying goals, like "my kids deserve to eat".

I'm not you, but if I were I'd work on the "get a different job", "see more of my kids", and/or "get some savings" problems first. Work on your expenses. Life sure does look better when your expenses are smaller than your income.

Reading between the lines of your post, it sounds like you may already know this far too well, but for the benefit of others: "I don't own my home" is not a sign of dishonor. Don't be in a rush to own a home. Most of the people who bought homes four or five years ago are now underwater; many have been foreclosed on. That process is not over -- many mortgages will reset their rates over the next few years, creating more foreclosures and prolonging the glut of inventory. Thus, though the market is apparently better than it was last year, and we may even be approaching the point in some markets where the rent-vs-mortgage calculation is approaching parity again, homes are still rather illiquid, which is another way of saying "your home may make it difficult to change jobs or reduce expenses, because they can be hard to sell when you want to sell them, especially if you can't afford to take a loss."

Join the hells angels. Not literally - when people are in your state, they need a group, a mission and a sense of purpose. They join gangs, churches, scientology - they look for something with a leader they can follow.

Try finding what local gangs are looking for new members. Not literally.