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HN Help: I'm lost

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Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#11

Post by jacquesm »

trapper wrote: post #10
jacquesm wrote: post #8

Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.

Can you give some examples? I've never done this and am intrigued.

Emigrate.

Change your line of business (I went in to alternative energy for 5 years)

Learn a new trade (for me: metal working, Cad-Cam)

Right now I'm again going through such a phase of change, I have absolutely no idea what it is leading to but so far it has been extremely interesting.

Life is all about the journey.

Security in life is worth absolutely nothing, as soon as you feel that you are becoming 'secure' that's an excellent opportunity to kill that before it becomes a habit.

The flip side of that is of course that the freedom to do as you please (within the limits of the socially acceptable) is just as addictive or even more so.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#12

Post by jlees »

I am tempted to totally change my life and stop working and create something new that will be challenging and interesting. Create something that I can do from home so that at least I am not a slave to my boss.

This is HN, so I'm pretty sure everyone will advocate this option.

Whenever I've found myself in a similar position of unhappiness and frustration, I just followed my gut instinct, and it worked out great. It sounds like you have a lot to contribute and the rat race you've ended up in is stifling that.

Good luck with it. :-)

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#13

Post by thorn »

jacquesm wrote: post #8

Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.

I feel like I'm stuck at my work after 6 years working there. It was beginning like startup, and then we got bought after 2 years for "nothing", but I got good salary. So I'm kind of addicted to this work b/c of salary mostly. The bad thing that no progress is made for last 2 years and job became completely soul sucking.

I cannot find power in myself to break those chains. How do you trick yourself to get rid of money-addictive soul sucking job?

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#14

Post by trapper »

jacquesm wrote: post #11
trapper wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you give some examples? I've never done this and am intrigued.

Emigrate. Change your line of business (I went in to alternative energy for 5 years) Learn a new trade (for me: metal working, Cad-Cam) Right now I'm again going through such a phase of change, I have absolutely no idea what it is leading to but so far it has been extremely interesting. Life is all about the journey. Security in life is worth absolutely nothing, as soon as you feel that you are becoming 'secure' that…

Interesting. I strive to pick up a completely new interesting field (e.g. recently electronics, physiotherapy, mentalism, photorealistic drawing) every year or so, so I guess it has a similar effect. Keeps me interested and always gives me new ways to change my existing thinking patterns & challenge my biases.

I disagree about security though. All you need to have an adventure that entirely rocks your world is some peace and quiet.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#15

Post by patio11 »

I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#16

Post by jacquesm »

thorn wrote: post #13
jacquesm wrote: post #8

Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.

I feel like I'm stuck at my work after 6 years working there. It was beginning like startup, and then we got bought after 2 years for "nothing", but I got good salary. So I'm kind of addicted to this work b/c of salary mostly. The bad thing that no progress is made for last 2 years and job became completely soul sucking. I cannot find power in myself to break those chains. How do you trick yourself to get rid of mone…

Well, as I said, it isn't for everybody.

But here is my take on it: I'd rather be poor and happy than secure any day, and I live my life accordingly.

I take risks, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, on balance it seems to come out roughly even.

Case in point, a bunch of people in Canada wanted to start their own business, a local gas station was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, I put together a package to be able to buy it, invested a whole bunch of money and turned it over to them.

It failed spectacularly, which is a real pity.

But the flip side of that is that I met some guy in a waiting room somewhere, invested some money in to his business, strong armed some other investors into ponying up and he's well into 6 figure territory now and will probably strike it big.

Security is illusionary, who would you rather be dependent on, your boss or your own wits ?

How about all those people that got laid off in the last year, how secure were they before ?

Right now I'm (almost) 45 and I am not scared of doing this, I trust in my own ability to survive and make myself useful to others, directly or indirectly and I expect to pluck the rewards from that.

The satisfaction from doing this under my own power is so much larger than what a paycheck could get me. Any size paycheck.

There is no net though, maybe one day I'll mess up once too many and land on my butt.

But even that doesn't scare me, maybe it should :)

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#17

Post by allenbrunson »

i don't have anything to add, but i too am one of those that can't "settle" for the usual stuff.

i walked away from a $100k-a-year job a little over a year ago -- and i live in tennessee, where $100k goes a lot farther than in the bay area -- because it was killing me. i've tried various things since then, none of them very lucrative.

i am now once again dependent on the generosity of my relatives to get along. but i don't regret quitting. i always manage to come back from the dead somehow, usually into an even better situation than the one i left.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#18

Post by Mz »

"Because of the hours I work and commuting I barely see my children."

If it's a long commute, one option might be moving closer to work so you have more family time and more time to think about what to do next with your life. Alternately, try to find a means to use that commute time constructively in a way that will help move you out of the current miserable situation and into something better -- books on tape, hanging on the cell phone with the wife, or even just using that time to think on your priorities and try to dream up some solution.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#19

Post by tezza »

Hi Lost Sheep,

1. It is okay to feel rotten, isolated

Feeling glum and lost is part of life, and you should not add to it by presuming that you are some freak because you are experiencing these things. Life sucks sometimes and you may feel low when everything on paper says you should be happy.

2. Trusted Friends

No one is laughing at you, or looking down at how successful they have been compared to you. Seek counsel from trusted friends, and if they urge you to seek professional help... please do so.

3. Definition of Success

In your case you have identified some bad elements in your life, but on paper you have a Wife and Kids. You love your kids and wish to spend more time with them. At 40 you have all life's laughter and tears and wrinkles as acheivements... hardly "nothing to show"

4. Advice on the Interwebs

HN is a caring community, but only relatively. Please ignore offhand and illconsidered remarks from other commentators. The advice can be overly sacharin and not yield the concrete improvement you seek. Or they can be overtly callous, ignoring your concerns.

Hopefully you will also seek advice from Trusted Friends

5. What to do now?

Do a family budget. Work out what you can get by on, and what you could earn in more rewarding, closer employment. Can you quit your job and move?

Consider buying a franchise, or start your own business like a Cafe or Restaurant. It's bloody hard work, as my Wife owns a successful Cafe. But it is rewarding.

There are lots of options, and GOOD LUCK!!

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#20

Post by fdschoeneman »

Aw man, I wish I had answers for you. Your situation reminds me of when I was in the Army. I had recently left an elite unit, and was working a dull job in the regular Army. A senior NCO took me under his wing and, sensing that I was unhappy, asked me what was going on. I hated my job. I hated my situation. I hated the Army. I hated my living quarters. I felt like I was in prison. I didn't feel that I was any good at being a soldier.

He told me something interesting, something that has stuck with me. He said that "...a good man will always be a good soldier; but a good soldier will not always be a good man. It's more important to be a good man." Or some shit like that. But it helped me.

Focus on that: Being a good man. Be a good father. Be a good husband. And don't get all caught up in some kind of false choice: The idea that you can only a) continue commuting for hours to work for a dickwad boss on a project you hate or b) stop working. There's probably some middle ground you can find, that might allow you a shorter commute, a boss who's less of a dick, a project that's slightly more satisfying.

Just don't be that guy who quits his job to work on his novel and then, six months later, is waking up at noon with saliva-Cheeto stains on his laptop, his underwear, and his remote control. Trust me man, I've been there, too.

Namaste,

Fred

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