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Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#261

Post by acoravos »

tastyface wrote: post #172
notlisted wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have just one question. Do you (day)dream about code? If so, you're golden... This might sound flippant, but I have my best ideas and revelations while I'm being "idle" (showering, walking the dog, watching mindless TV). Desk-time is overrated in my book. Stuff needs to "percolate".

Yeah, pretty much. If I hit a sweet spot in my project, I take a lot of pleasure in just thinking about the architectural decisions and data structures while going for a walk or something. :)

Here's some of the science for why we come up with the best ideas when our brains are turned "off" -- it allows the brain to make other connections that we aren't overly controlling it to make. If it works for you, meditation could also be a useful tool for harnessing these moments: http://lifehacker.com/why-great-ideas-always-come-in-the-sho...

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#262

Post by nnoitra »

vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

This! Life is too short to pretend to be someone that you're not.

Simply one should make peace with being considered an utter failure by everyone and then proceed to do what they love nonetheless. All else is poor imitation.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#263

Post by marktangotango »

riazrizvi wrote: post #185
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

and while you are working it out, go back to work. It will likely take many years and you'll lose all your extra cash. I speak from experience.

Exactly, I quit and started a project. Found the domain had some really hard problems, got bogged down in the impl. Started wasting time, burning thru my savings. Faced the cold hard reality it wasn't happening, and went back to work.

All I have to show for it? A 9 month gap to explain in my resume.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#264

Post by zeeshanm »

Here are some random bits from my perspective:

1) Don't worry too much about what others have done because in some way you are still ahead of the curve if it matters.

2) Focus on the work you can somehow find interesting. The work does not have to be challenging to be interesting.

3) Don't work too much but when you work block your time for one or two hours sprints. Try to put some music on auto-replay.

4) Reward yourself every few hours like by taking a walk or just stepping back to reflect.

5) Remember if you have a problem there are tons of other people who would have the same problem.

6) Find a meetup that you can really find your place in and regularly go to the meetings. Focus on the quality of friendships you can make.

7) Nobody is genuinely happy in whatever condition they are in. Everyone has a story. And that's ok.

8) If we all would be genuinely happy there would not be much to live for.

9) Try not to hold grudges. We only have a limited number of our brain CPU cycles. Try not to waste them especially at peak time.

10) If you have a lot of interesting ideas to work on that's super cool. Don't get too carried away with the popular notion of being focused. It sounds good to say but nobody knows what they are talking about.

Last but not least, don't read too much especially the blogosphere. Write your own story. Get a blog up. And it's OK to be in conflict with oneself.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#265

Post by untothebreach »

theandrewbailey wrote: post #182
mattmanser wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What confuses me is how every person I know with kids complains their life is over, they don't do a lot, they have no control, they have no time for themselves and their life is basically over. And this is a mid-30s guy with a lot of friends with kids. And yet having kids is wonderful. I joked to my friend it is like Stockholm Syndrome. You have no choice. You made your bed and must now live in it. Of course you are…

Relevant: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kids

I prefer http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3693 :)

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#266

Post by lchelak »

Hey! So I had social anxiety apparently for 23 years before I finally just said, "hey! I worry too much and it affects my motivation!"

Medication has made me 10xs the entrepreneur I was prior. I feel like I am now my fullest self.

Get to the doctor :) Modern medicine is a wonderful thing.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#267

Post by airmondii »

llSourcell wrote: post #252
airmondii wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most successful businesses are not the result of passion projects. OP's problem isn't that he lacks ideas (so he claims), it's that he has the common affliction of not being able to follow through on them. Even if we all want to be Steve Jobs, most of us won't be. But we probably do agree that constantly comparing oneself to others is not good for emotional well-being. My advice to OP: don't focus on outcomes (ie, 't…

> Most successful businesses are not the result of passion projects. I would argue against that statement. What makes you say that? Passion is the necessary driving force to keep someone motivated enough to follow through.

Was Rockefeller passionate about oil? Sam Walton about discount pricing? I think most successful entrepreneurs are just natural-born businessmen, and the specifics of their industry are mostly incidental.

You're probably looking at this from inside the SV bubble, but I could make a similar case there, too. Plenty of apps just ride the latest trend, and would pivot in a heart beat if it made if it makes business sense.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#268

Post by tat45 »

Short answer: You don't.

Do what makes you happy. Ultimately, your subconscious is going to work against you until you are aligned with your true desires. Better to wake up and realize that sooner rather than later. Ultimately, the life you think you want to lead is probably out of alignment with the life you actually want to lead.

Honestly, you sound like me. Being the best is just super hard work, and I've recognized that I'm not. I'm 38 and I've just returned to software development after a 10 year hiatus in management during which I wrote maybe two small perl programs. Now I'm happy just to be back writing code, and I don't feel like I have to change the world any more.

So you're not the best. You pick up and continue. Honestly, your anxieties look ridiculous to a 38 year old, just like my anxieties must look ridiculous to a 50 year old. You could die tomorrow. Live life in the way that brings you the most joy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#269

Post by jrs235 »

swatkat wrote: post #167
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

>> You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. Because they are being themselves, and are connected to the natural wellspring of motivation that comes from genuine interest, while you are the salmon swimming upstream, aping societal ideals and trying to be someone you are not. >> Almost no one takes my advice because it's so threatening to be natural. What if you are not naturally ambit…

Here's a light-hearted and humorous read / perspective.

The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great

(Affiliate Link): http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007C17AJE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=...

(Non-Affiliate Link): http://www.amazon.com/Underachievers-Manifesto-Accomplishing...

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#270

Post by [deleted] »

junto wrote: post #77
monk_e_boy wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 40. I had a nice open source project that went well (it's a bit dated now) ... but my regret is not having my kids younger. The work. projects, start ups and all those dreams still live on. But having kids is a lot of fun.

I agree with this. Being an older Dad is extra tiring! I wish I had the energy I had ten years ago.

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