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Say No

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71–80 of 96 posts

Re: Say No

#72
Learning to say No and learning better about what to say No to is definitely a helpful life strategy, in my experience.

For example, saying no to PHP -- whatever it's merits -- means being able to say yes to Java, Python, C, Go, Clojure, whatever. Saying no to Windows means being able to say yes, more, to Linux. Saying no to meetings means saying yes to writing a new feature or fixing a bug. Saying no to interruptions means saying yes to focus. And so on.

You have only so much time in the day, week, year, rest of your life. It's not that there's no value, benefit or use to the thing you're saying no to, it's that the alternative will often give you more of those things, or otherwise help make your life better in some strategic long-term way, or in some non-tangible way like making you happier.

Re: Say No

#74
post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my case, that LED is my headphones :)

What if I want to listen to music, but I don't mind someone talking to me if they need something? What if I want to concentrate with no interruptions, including no noise/music from headphones?

For me - I like having headphones on without music because it's kinda warm and lowers outside noise. If I want to listen to something and still indicate I'm available to chat, I only have one headphone over the ear and the other to the side.

Re: Say No

#75
As an east coast transplant, I am still utterly amazed that this sort of thing actually is normal on the west coast: someone is seriously shocked and hurt because someone else "shut you down" by saying "not right now" when you want to interrupt them to draw their attention to yourself.

Not that they don't want to talk to you at all, they just want you to wait till they finish what they're doing first. This is apparently considered "socially awkward" in California.

Not only that, this person then went off and introspected on the broader meaning of this "watershed moment," and concluded that "socially awkward" things like occasionally saying no to someone are sometimes actually OK and good...

Re: Say No

#76
I'm rather surprised at some of the responses here.

For many people, especially when they're working on difficult or complex tasks, an interruption will cause them to feel a bit angry or frustrated. This is completely 100% normal.

They don't mean to hurt your feelings. They just need some space to focus. Give them a bit of space, and think nothing else of it.

Re: Say No

#77
I learned how to say know early on. I've been freelancing since high school. Nothing will teach you to say no when you are over extended faster than failing to deliver well for a client.

Re: Say No

#79
post #3

A lot of this is culture dependent I believe, but i am under the impression that at least on western countries you cannot do this a lot of times without a high cost, specially if you re not a manager. If someone comes to your desk directly, you are supposed to stop what you are doing and give your attention to that person, even if you are working on something really urgent. Refusing meeting requests is also not well…

This is company dependent rather than country. When I was early in my career as a software dev I felt like I could never say no. I would continue to take on additional work which translated to more hours. Eventually my manager at the time did the best thing he could for me. He asked me into his office for a "talk". Then he told me that he didn't want to lose me because I burned out. He said, "Look, you have to learn…

This is the solution. Your manager understood his job, and its impact on yours. Everyone should be so lucky. So far, I have been! At my first job, my boss told me right off not to let everyone who comes by add work to my pile. It's hard to do at first. After all, your first reaction is to be helpful. But after a while you see the benefit of being able to to deflect things to your manager and have him prioritize the workload.

Re: Say No

#80
I like this:

> Look back on your past week and assemble an honest accounting of your attention. Does the time you spent in each area mirror the importance of that area? This exercise is the true test of your ability to prioritize. It will tell you whether you are able to maintain focus on the important or whether you get distracted by the urgent.

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