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Say No

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Re: Say No

#51

Post by udev »

general_failure wrote: post #49
udev wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with the above. Forgive me for being cynical about the whole premise. Saying no like this can also be used by people that fake being busy. The same way they always walk with a notepad and pens, and other such tricks. So Dustin said "Not now!", and the author extrapolated this to a parable about how people at Facebook are so dedicated and productive that they are willing to be borderline rude to serve the comp…

Behind every moral and lesson is an extrapolated story

Yes, but it does not mean that any event can or should be extrapolated into a lesson or moral.

Re: Say No

#52

Post by darklajid »

I learned this the hard way. Joined a company and was on-site in a different country, for 5 days a week, 8 month and we were doing overtime every. single. day. I'm talking 8am to 1am 3 out of 5 days and the rest wasn't that much better.

I quit. Did something else.

8 years ago I joined that very same company again. I'm still a 'corporate drone', a random developer, but I learned to decline and to say no. Both to your managers and to your coworkers. That single word saved my sanity and allows me to stay with that company to this very day.

I don't agree that it's a matter of culture (at least not in the culture I am roughly familiar with) if you can pull this of. It certainly might be a matter of culture how you need to phrase it.

Fortunately my employer is rather blunt and open internally, so 'No, I really have no patience for that right now' is - while not the friendliest possible answer - acceptable and possible.

Now I need to learn how to walk the fine line between 'saying no' and 'being old and grumpy' :)

Re: Say No

#53

Post by eru »

dionidium wrote: post #47
xpto123 wrote: post #3

A lot of this is culture dependent I believe, but i am under the impression that at least on western countries you cannot do this a lot of times without a high cost, specially if you re not a manager. If someone comes to your desk directly, you are supposed to stop what you are doing and give your attention to that person, even if you are working on something really urgent. Refusing meeting requests is also not well…

In summary: I'd love to say "no", but the person who hired and can fire me demands I say "yes"

There's two sides to that: you can always quit.

Re: Say No

#55

Post by jsmeaton »

darklajid wrote: post #52

I learned this the hard way. Joined a company and was on-site in a different country, for 5 days a week, 8 month and we were doing overtime every. single. day. I'm talking 8am to 1am 3 out of 5 days and the rest wasn't that much better. I quit. Did something else. 8 years ago I joined that very same company again. I'm still a 'corporate drone', a random developer, but I learned to decline and to say no. Both to your…

> Now I need to learn how to walk the fine line between 'saying no' and 'being old and grumpy' :)

That's the difficult part in my experience. I say no a lot. Some people have the impression that I'm lazy or privileged because they feel they can't say no. They certainly can, but they don't want to feel like they're upsetting anyone.

But sometimes when I say no, I say it in the wrong way, or don't provide enough context for why "no" is right. This doesn't help me at other times, even when I've (mostly) effectively communicated that no is the right decision for the person that's asking me to do something.

Re: Say No

#56

Post by PeterisP »

The todo-"avoid at all costs"-list is an extension of this same concept (recent post at http://www.businessinsider.com/warren-buffett-productivity-t...).

In essence, whatever is at #6 or #10 at your priority list is not something that's somewhat important and should be tackled from time to time - it's the very thing that's stealing your time and attention away from your #1 and #2 things, a dangerous distraction that you should consciously limit and either avoid or schedule to a specific time.

You don't have to worry about priority #1001 taking your time - you don't want to do it and so you won't; but things that are seemingly good often lead to "yak-shaving" at the cost of what's truly important for you.

Re: Say No

#57

Post by JetSpiegel »

eru wrote: post #53
dionidium wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In summary: I'd love to say "no", but the person who hired and can fire me demands I say "yes"

There's two sides to that: you can always quit.

A can also choose not to eat, but that's not a real choice. Not even a Sophie's choice.

Re: Say No

#58

Post by Dewie »

test1235 wrote: post #17
chuckcode wrote: post #10

I wish I had a little LED at my desk that would sync with my IM status to show people when I was busy or available to chat online or in person. One of the earliest usability features in the online world but still not replicated in the real world.

In my case, that LED is my headphones :)

What if I want to listen to music, but I don't mind someone talking to me if they need something? What if I want to concentrate with no interruptions, including no noise/music from headphones?

Re: Say No

#59

Post by bigtunacan »

xpto123 wrote: post #3

A lot of this is culture dependent I believe, but i am under the impression that at least on western countries you cannot do this a lot of times without a high cost, specially if you re not a manager. If someone comes to your desk directly, you are supposed to stop what you are doing and give your attention to that person, even if you are working on something really urgent. Refusing meeting requests is also not well…

This is company dependent rather than country. When I was early in my career as a software dev I felt like I could never say no. I would continue to take on additional work which translated to more hours.

Eventually my manager at the time did the best thing he could for me. He asked me into his office for a "talk". Then he told me that he didn't want to lose me because I burned out. He said, "Look, you have to learn to say no to people. If you aren't comfortable doing that then tell them to run it by me; and then I'll say no."

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