Being a new dad while working at a startup • Hacker News Board

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#31

Post by jcromartie » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:21 PM UTC

guard-of-terra wrote: post #17

I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me be wary of having kids. When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days.…

I'm absolutely fine with giving my kids space. That doesn't mean I don't want to be around to see them, though.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#32

Post by rayiner » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:22 PM UTC

nkozyra wrote: post #25

delmarc wrote: post #3

I have 3 kids and about to have one more in a month... people in the tech world act like its so amazing and different... get over it... no matter if you work in retail or work in a shitty work/life balance startup, its the same thing... Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...

I think there's a big difference. In the tech world, there's this expectation that sometimes you're going to pull all-nighters or work 14 hour days or do sprints or whatever. If you're working at the mall selling clothing that's pretty unlikely. In my former life in publishing, that was pretty unusual. It's a cultural thing and it's not strictly relegated to tech, but it's not universal. Plenty of people have reliabl…

That's the expectation in a lot of industries (finance, consulting, law--heck my dad works in public health and he's worked 60-70+ hours most of his career). I worked at a big law firm in New York, and most of the partners had kids. Indeed, my daughter was born a month after I started at the firm. I immediately got put on an internal investigation, where the client was under threat of getting their stock delisted unless we made its auditor happy. It was a "if you're awake, you have to be in the office" situation. Somehow we all managed, despite several people on the team, including the partner, having small kids.

I think the attitude towards kids in the tech industry has more to do with its general youth worship. There's a big attitude shift towards kids from early 20's as you go into early 30's.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#33

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:24 PM UTC

japhyr wrote: post #29

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

It's exhausting, but it's really not something you want to automate. Whether through breastfeeding or a bottle, those feedings are pretty important bonding time. When my kid was in this stage I'd stumble in and give him a bottle, but I was always aware that I wouldn't be doing it forever, and someday soon I'd miss holding his little warm body against my chest every night in the darkness. I don't miss the exhaustion,…

[deleted]

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#34

Post by nkozyra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:25 PM UTC

rayiner wrote: post #32

nkozyra wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there's a big difference. In the tech world, there's this expectation that sometimes you're going to pull all-nighters or work 14 hour days or do sprints or whatever. If you're working at the mall selling clothing that's pretty unlikely. In my former life in publishing, that was pretty unusual. It's a cultural thing and it's not strictly relegated to tech, but it's not universal. Plenty of people have reliabl…

That's the expectation in a lot of industries (finance, consulting, law--heck my dad works in public health and he's worked 60-70+ hours most of his career). I worked at a big law firm in New York, and most of the partners had kids. Indeed, my daughter was born a month after I started at the firm. I immediately got put on an internal investigation, where the client was under threat of getting their stock delisted unl…

I agree, it is a lot of industries. It's not all of them, though, which seemed to be the point to which I responded.

There is always a tradeoff between reliability and availability when it comes to the 20 year old dev and the 35 year old dev.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#35

Post by guard-of-terra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:26 PM UTC

fistofjohnwayne wrote: post #28

guard-of-terra wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like an artificial breast loaded with milk beforehand.

This is a joke, right?

No. This is supposed to be a useful fallback, kinda like babysitter latter in life.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#36

Post by thom » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:26 PM UTC

I suppose one of the most relevant things as a geek with a new baby is that it's _very_ hard to be an introvert with a new family. It takes a lot of work and co-operation to find the time to be alone and recharge. Obviously it's really hard being on call 24 hours whoever you are, but I'd love to hear how other introverts managed once kids arrived!

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#37

Post by guard-of-terra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:26 PM UTC

japhyr wrote: post #29

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

It's exhausting, but it's really not something you want to automate. Whether through breastfeeding or a bottle, those feedings are pretty important bonding time. When my kid was in this stage I'd stumble in and give him a bottle, but I was always aware that I wouldn't be doing it forever, and someday soon I'd miss holding his little warm body against my chest every night in the darkness. I don't miss the exhaustion,…

It's not something you want to automate every single time, but how about half the most inconvenient nights?

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#38

Post by wilsonfiifi » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:28 PM UTC

My 9 month old son has 45min sleep cycles during the day so that doesn't leave much time to code after washing and sterilising his bottles and grabbing a quick bite myself! He doesn't always sleep into the next cycle by himself so I have to be by his crib to pat him and thats where my new workstation is lol!

But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a nanny.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#39

Post by thom » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:30 PM UTC

gknoy wrote: post #26

jipiboily wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard for breast feeding though hehe

It's easier with breastfeeding. Co-sleeping lets mama and baby be already close, so mom can go back to sleep, as can baby. The down side is, unless your bed is really big, Dad likely is going to spend the next year+ on the futon. (I did it. It was a sacrifice we were willing to make for the baby, and wasn't that bad. It beats being woken up for nighttime feedings.)

Kudos. We all managed to fit in one big bed, and it's been one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. In the UK the NHS fight pretty hard to discourage people from co-sleeping, and people very regularly do dangerous things like go to bed drunk with horrific consequences. But if you're sensible, it really does make your life easier, and I think our little guy's happier for it too.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#40

Post by usefulcat » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:31 PM UTC

jipiboily wrote: post #2

Hey, I'm the dad from that blog post, feel free to ask questions :)

I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different about him. They change and learn so quickly that you could miss a lot in only a few days, let alone weeks or months.