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Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

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Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#12
verysadpanda: You may be feeling low right now, but believe it, the low feeling will go away and things will get better. If you are at the bottom of the barrel, the only way you can go is up.

Most founders of companies that are successful -- not the five star Googles and Facebooks and Microsofts, but the dark matter companies that you never hear of, but are very prosperous and do cool things -- tried several times before they succeeded at one of their ideas. Being successful is not just doing work. There is quite a bit of luck (non-determinism) involved. Many good engineers are not successful at everything. You had the confidence to try it.

Look back at your life, at something difficult that happened some years ago. You may have regretted it at that time, but you may not regret it now because it led you in another way to something better. These are stepping stones. Life will not be satisfying if there is nothing bitter in it. The more bitter, the better I say! Everybody has ups and downs. It's how we deal with them that sets one apart from the other.

When you're older and you look back at life, you will think about all of these. It won't be about how much money you made or lost, but about all the people you met, all the interesting things you did, all the fun you had.

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#13
Failure is usually an iteration. My most recent project failed too.

Good thing is cheer up, at least now you know what doesnt work, focus on what works or what you think may work. I got myself a day job while working on another project on the side.

Girlfriend wise, well it happens. Love your family more.

"Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again!"

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#14
The best thing I can tell you now is get yourself a job. Things will pick back up, from there. You need something to pick up your self-esteem, re-build confidence. In my mind a job is the best way to do that.

Slowly pay back your friends and family with the money you earn from your job. you'll feel better about yourself.

Email me if you want to talk. zack at codemy dot net

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#15
Remember that deep down, you are not your past failures, you are not your net worth, and you are not your past relationships. They influence you, sure. But they're not you. The only thing that matters is what you do tomorrow, and then what you do the tomorrows after that.

Best of luck. We're all pulling for you to kick some ass in your next venture.

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#18
This is a tough one because you mentioned "All of the family and friends money is gone". I wouldn't do a startup with money from people I love or know. It will damage the relationship somewhat permanently.

BUT you need to promise them you would pay back. In general:

1. Stick with family

2. Hangout with friends and make more friends

3. Tell yourself: the next woman will make the rest of your life happier than ever

4. The world will come to an end BUT not today

5. Go run, exercise, play sport

6. Get a job, join a club, volunteer...

Good luck

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#19
I feel ya. I lost my job, got cheated on in both my long term relationship in which we had moved in together for, and so I also lost my place and my furniture and had to move back in with my dad... twice now... starting every thing over from scratch sucks dude. You feel super shitty and bad about yourself and then you end up taking shitty stressful jobs out of depression. I turned 27 this year and I was sleeping in my old bunk bed for months and months. I'm just thankful I have my dad and I actually asked him for help. I have a few workplace friends at my new job, none close or anything, its just nice to talk to them about things unrelated to how depressing life is. That and not moving in together with an SO when you're in your 20s is the only life advice I got. People always give me the global perspective bs: "At least you weren't born in Syria right now..." or what have you... but that doesn't help much, eh?

Re: Ask HN: Looking for advice – Failed startup, long term relationship at same time

#20
Get some professional help!

Seriously. This reads like full halt in your life and different kinds of debt, which means "brakes" on your future life for a while. With hard consequences for your psyche.

It's not a shame to get someone, who basically tries to get you back on track. You can get someone like this via your insurance, which is seriously interested in you not "producing costs", because of your pretty sick self, in future. I recommend people with psychology background also offering some kind of Coaching or Supervision.

After you are standing straight again, pin that somewhere:

  Ever tried.
  Ever failed.
  No matter.
  Try again.
  Fail again.
  Fail better.
(S. Beckett)
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