The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

With that out of the way, I'm also a "traditional virgin" at the moment. I say that because there's more than one sex act, and therefore more than one kind of virginity. The why for me has nothing to do with looks or personality, it's more a combination of not wanting to be too close with certain girls/women I was seeing when I was younger, life circumstances, etc.

I also don't see sex as a casual thing, it's very much a relationship intimacy thing for me, emotionally. I also don't see virginity as something to "get rid of" as fast as possible, so I simply haven't worried about it all that much.

I don't fit the "unattractive, awkward virgin" category even a little bit, so perhaps I can offer some experience on what the women I've dated actually think about being a virgin at this age when the other factors are removed.

The women I've been seeing and dating recently have varied opinions about it, as you'd expect.

One woman had a very negative opinion of anyone who was still a virgin beyond their mid 20s (even her female friends). We knew each other very well so I can say that she was looking for experience, did not want to have to "train" someone, etc. I had to stop seeing her for other reasons (read: run) before this particular "I'm a virgin" conversation ever took place though. I imagine it would have gone poorly.

Another woman I'm actively seeing simply does not care about my being a virgin. At all. This isn't uncommon.

Another thinks it's "admirable" (I think partly because I told her the same thing I said in the 3rd paragraph). That reaction isn't too uncommon either in my experience.

In my experience (n = < 20), some women will care (a lot, and reject you for it), some won't. It isn't going to be a problem with everyone, and as long as you aren't clueless (educate yourself...) and don't think sex is exactly like porn, it will just be slightly awkward rather than a total nightmare for both of you.

That's strongly correlated with age. Below a certain age it is expected that you are a virgin, then there is a gray area and then above a certain age it is expected that your not.

Because we define 'normal' as 'what everybody does' being an outlier in this is perceived as negative, as if there is something wrong with you. That does not mean there is (or isn't), it just means that's how it will be perceived, it's a strike against that only gets stronger as you age.

That said, I came to see relationships and the intimacy that comes with it as very valuable once I 'tried' it, despite the fact that said relationships were, to a large degree, painful. I learned a tremendous amount from them, and there were a lot of benefits I didn't really understand before.

My approach is that something I haven't tried before is worth trying, especially if it's a 'common' thing. But at the same time I feel doing so because it's a 'common' thing is not the best of motivations.