How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah.

Bill Foster: How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Did you know I build missiles? I helped to protect America. You should be rewarded for that. But instead they give it to the plastic surgeons, you know they lied to me.

Sergeant Prendergast: Is that what this is about? You're angry because you got lied to? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? Hey, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn't give you any special right to do what you did today. The only that makes you special is that little girl. Now let's go. Lets go!

Spending fourteen hours a day might well give you a greater chance of success than working six. But the chances of success are still so remote that it isn't worth ruining your life over. That's the part that PG is invested in - the idea that startup success is within the reach of anyone who works hard enough. It isn't.

if we amend your second sentence to read, "while it changes the probability of success, the probability is still low", it no longer really makes sense -- if you have a 30% chance of survival with medicine, should you not take your medicine if it is 3% chance of survival without it?

Because the alternative to working at a startup isn't death. It's, y'know, taking a different job.

Both sides of the decision likely involve compromise. The idea that being a more involved parent is without downside is sadly not true for most people.

The only thing I would say is that there are jobs that allow a work life balance which aren't totally soul destroying - something between your current hell and the 12 hour a day start up culture. Maybe it's time to start looking for something which may not be your perfect job, but might be a little better.

I figured that we're not trying to find a correct answer here. But knowing our community of engineers, hackers, lovers etc. we'd always trying to solve any problems coming our way :)

My humble opinion is: feelings are honesty trying to express themselves. Even if we can't solve the problem of "feelings", I'm quite happy we can search for it together as a group.

I wrote this piece during a tough part of the startup last year. I recently looked at it again and realized it wasn't just about me but rather about all my friends, I actually do refer to you folks on here as "friends", with the common dream.

I think at some point on one train-ride home or another, we've searched for some sort of understanding and hope to know that we're not the only one. Today, I'm happy to know that my "friends" do share the same feeling at one point or another. And we are not alone.

-Vuong.