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How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

nguonthieng.com

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Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#12
There is no amount of money that can make up for missing dinner times, bed times, play times and even bad times that you experience with your kids.

Don't fool yourself into thinking "once I get this right, I'll have all the time in the world to spend with my kids". This will never happen, and if it does it will be too late to form that close bond, and share your life with your kids.

I'm in to work (my own business) at 7:30, leave by 5 at the latest and make sure to drop all my stress/anxieties at the door. I have weekends off, and rarely miss events or chances to ditch work and support my two girls.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#13
No one's tombstone says "Devoted Employee". I realized when my daughter was born that I don't have to achieve anything in this world other than to make her life wonderful. Me being there is part of that. I have also realized as I've grown older that we are all just going to die. I had focused for a long time on establishing myself, on building something, on achieving some financial or personal goal, and then it all hit me that it really won't matter. The thing I really need to focus on is enjoying every moment of my life before it is over. And being with my family is the most enjoyment I ever feel. Now, obviously everyone doesn't feel the same way or have the same priorities and I'm not telling anyone how they need to feel, but personally this realization has lifted a weight off of my shoulders and caused me to enjoy life more and more every day.

Edit: That being said...I usually make sure to leave work at 5, and if I still feel like I need to do some more, I wait until I put my daughter to bed to fire up the laptop.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#14
Beautifully written. Exactly how I feel nowadays, but every time I think about it, the great Walter White comes to my mind:

We are not doing it for our families; we are doing it because we fcking like what we do, we feel fcking alive doing it and we are fcking good at it.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#16
As a contractor who's interested in startups and who has a 6 month daughter, I can certainly empathize. Throughout all of my crazy ideas, side projects, contracts in different timezones, bits of overtime, all of it, I've constantly kept a check on myself that I don't spend too much time away from my family. I decided not to pursue a potential CTO position at a promising startup because it might have required me to work abroad for months at a time.

One of the things that has influenced me here was an article that did the rounds a few years ago. I think it was this one, "Top five regrets of the dying" [1]:

"2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship."

Do not miss your kids growing up, you might regret it forever.

Good luck! :)

[1] http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five...

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#17
post #7

There is no rule that people working at startups need to work more hours than anybody else for the startup to 'be real'. Do yourself a favor and close up shop at 6 and have dinner with your family. Your weekly productivity will go up as your 'restless soul' finds the peace it needs. Your happiness levels will go up and your effective productivity will follow suit.

I've worked in two early stage start-ups since I became a dad a few years ago, as employee 1 and 2. I do a few things to help me stay involved as a father:

1. Unless there's a real emergency, which is rare, I leave the office around 6-7, even if I still have work planned for today. It's not really early but it leaves me a couple of hours with my kids (I live really close to work, like a 10 minute motorcycle ride).

2. If I still have urgent work to complete, I just continue work from home after they are in bed and I've spent some time with my wife. If you have to work late, this makes for more productive midnight-crunching, because you're at home with your family, you've eaten a proper dinner and not some pizza, had a shower, etc.

3. Once a week I leave work early (around 4pm) and pick my kids up from day care, and I dedicate my entire afternoon to having fun with them. Of course not every early stage start-up would agree to that, but luckily both my last employers were start-ups founded by young dads as well, and they were understanding, and do this themselves as well.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#19
"Being the “professional” in a startup world, pushing last hopes of entrepreneurial youth"

If you feel that "being professional" includes the need to push yourself and miss events you can't recapture, it's not being "professional" -- especially if you are an employee. Startups that push the "we are a family -- we work hard, play hard, stay late together" are in a sense delusional -- yes the thrill of building a company is compelling, but unless it is your own company - you are sacrificing yourself unnecessarily for someone else's benefit. There will always be another startup, but early months of a child's life where changes are there daily, hourly.

Re: How I Feel as Young Father Involved in Early-stage Startup

#20
post #2

A couple of friends from the HN community & IRC helped edit this piece. Just thought I'd share with others as well.

It certainly resonates with me. Co founder of a bootstrapped startup with a 7 month old son, and office far away from friends or family. I'm working many more hours per week than I've worked anywhere else over my 20 year career, because I want to have it all: to live close to friends and family and have more free time for both.
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