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My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

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Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#121

Post by RealGeek »

clavalle wrote: post #112
lobotryas wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck. It's too late for "could-have, should-have", but if you somehow manage to procure more money, at least consider alternatives such as slower treatment schedules or flying your mother to a country where such treatments are cheaper (India comes to mind as a potential option)[0…

What 22 year old plans for their parent's cancer? Or really has a solid idea of exactly what their future has in store? He was doing what people in their early 20s are supposed to do: take risks. He was probably involved in startups before his mom got sick. Let's not beat him up for doing what many of us are doing right now, then getting caught in an unpredictable and terrible situation and trying to do what he thoug…

I would say he was doing quite well for 22 years old. Many 22 years old have $150k in college debt, he had $150k savings.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#122

Post by lifeisstillgood »

redthrowaway wrote: post #95

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer: Let her die. Chemo isn't going to save…

That is a deeply personal choice, and as a Brit one that I believe equally deeply should not have the threat of bankruptcy or the lack of funds as a factor in the decision.

Your advice, won through sorrow, may be very good advice. I remmeber when my own mother found out her cancer had returned after a remission, and I know I would fight any move to a society that made "Can we afford it?" a question at that time.

I am sorry for your loss and the OPs pending loss. This is not for you, but for everyone else reading in the US - for fucks sake sort your shit out guys.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#123

Post by trhway »

redthrowaway wrote: post #95

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer: Let her die. Chemo isn't going to save…

>Let her die.

lost 3 members of family during last 10 years to cancer. In one case it was caught at early stage and resulted in 9 years of life with last year being pretty hard. Earlier surgery and treatments were definitely worth it (i mean "worth" in general not in financial sense). In 2 other cases, late detection, despite pretty aggressive surgery and treatments - 2 years and 0.5 year with things going downhill pretty fast at the speed that one can't just stop and rethink the whole thing. In the last case i was directly responsible for the aggressiveness of approach and given the chance i hope i'd not do it this way again (though at the start it was "promised" more like 3-5 years instead of actual 0.5 years - in addition to cancer there are also very grave/deadly complications possible, including the ones from treatments and overall stress on the body by the illness, that one need to watch for very carefully). In the former case the first year wasn't that bad so i'd say it was worth it, problem is that it is very hard to stop at the right time where more treatments would only decrease quality of life.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#124

Post by jnardiello »

redthrowaway wrote: post #95

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer: Let her die. Chemo isn't going to save…

Learning to let your beloved ones (and more in general people) go is by far the most difficult thing, at least in modern western world.

I think this comment is invaluable.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#125

Post by joshmn »

brd wrote: post #115
kjackson2012 wrote: post #50

I'm sorry for your problems, but could you please clarify a few questions for me because there are a lot of problems with what I'm reading: 1) You claim to be 22 years old, but your dad hasn't had a relationship with your mom in 25 years... what does that even mean? 2) You're 22 years old and you accumulated $150k already? What sort of work did you do, and for how long? 3) You claim to be penniless, but you spend you…

I have to say I find it suspicious that 284 days ago he posted about how he had "no cash to build an MVP" and yet 3 months later he had 150k in savings. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5727255

It was more of an open-ended question for discussion, and I was wondering how other people had bootstrapped themselves when they needed to buy product in order to kickstart something.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#126

Post by WoodenChair »

redthrowaway wrote: post #95

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer: Let her die. Chemo isn't going to save…

I'm very sorry about your father. My father was just diagnosed with cancer (literally today). Obviously what you wrote is not sound advice for all kinds of cancers. I have two close family relatives who were cured of two different kinds of cancers (yes "cured", as in they lived for a decade plus after being cured and one died from other causes and the other is still alive). There are also people who are cured through these poisons, even of late stage deadly cancers like stage iv pancreatic: http://www.pancan.org/section_stories/story_details.php?id=1...

Ultimately how you choose to treat cancer depends on the stage, type of tumor, and the advice of your doctors. With that said, there are people who beat even the deadliest cancers, and that very small chance, is one worth thinking about.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#127

Post by renata »

staunch wrote: post #65
timthorn wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are - look for patient navigators.

Like this? http://www.patientnavigator.com/get-help-now/ "Navigation Services – $125/hr" -- at that price it may as well not exist.

Exactly how much do you think is fair for "amazingly great people" who "[are] expert[s] on The System" and "can oversee your entire healthcare"? Some contractors on HN no doubt get paid more for less.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#128

Post by robotresearcher »

declan wrote: post #114
robotresearcher wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those violent crimes in the UK don't tend to involve guns and/or becoming dead. UK homicide rate: 1.2 per 100,000 persons US homicide rate: 4.7 per 100,000 persons You are more than twice as likely to get beaten up in the UK than the US. You are around 4 times as likely to be murdered in the US than the UK. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentiona... The UK has a violence problem, probably at leas…

Nobody is saying that gun violence doesn't exist (though I wonder how much is limited to inner cities in areas none of us want to live in if we have a choice). But we're talking at cross purposes. The first post talked about violence. The second talked about violence. The third in the sequence, yours, switched the discussion to talk about homicides . Not all violent crimes are homicides.

Quoting the first post

"*2nd reason would be gun violence."

The frequency of violence in the US is lower, but the death rate due to violence is much higher. Violence seems to be much more lethal in the US, for some reason.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#129

Post by epx »

redthrowaway wrote: post #95

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer: Let her die. Chemo isn't going to save…

I feel the same. Getting bankrupt just to have a couple more years of miserable life?

What I know is: if I get ill will when my son is 22, I would never allow him to destroy his financial life because of me. I would hide in the woods to die there if necessary.

It is pretty funny how the guy complains so loooooong about his father and sister.

Re: My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help

#130

Post by twoodfin »

lwan wrote: post #116
twoodfin wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She does have insurance, and it's great insurance. The treatments are just so specialized that the bill, after the insurance does their "work", is still anywhere from $10k to $50k. That is not "great insurance". I am not a big fan of PPACA, but every single one of those plans has an annual out-of-pocket limit on costs (~$6,400 per individual, twice that for a family). My out of pocket limit on my (excellent) BCBS PPO…

there is no way in hell she's getting a better plan while having a terminal illness.

Under PPACA, as of this year, there's something called "Guaranteed Issue", which means that if you offer an insurance plan at a particular rate, you have to give that rate to everyone, and accept anyone who will pay it. The only variables that can go into the rate calculation (AFAIK) are age, a community rating, and whether the applicant is a smoker.

She should get on her state's or the federal exchange and find a plan that includes her doctors. If she's seeing top flight specialists, that might be expensive, but it will be much cheaper than "$10-50K per incident".

I am surprised to be shilling for Obamacare, but there it is!

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