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Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

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Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#31

Post by reneherse »

einhverfr wrote: post #29

This is an interesting article. I found myself agreeing with it most of the time. At the same time, as someone who has overcome a lonely path, I can't help but put a lot more emphasis on culture than on the others. American culture is a lonely culture, as my wife is always pointing out. We send our kids to college alone. We retire alone. We look at social problems like poverty as if they are held by the individual al…

Sounds like if your spouse is threatening to "send" you out of the country a more significant problem than loneliness might be an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional relationship. I only say this (as a reality check) because I've been there, and one can become so numb and codependent that you cease to be aware that this type of behavior is not loving, not normal, and not what you deserve.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#32

Post by dschiptsov »

Because nothing could be accomplished without avoiding constant distractions which comes from society. When Sartre said his famous "the hell is other people" he probably meant this too. Others, like Mishima, Rand, Nabokov, Hesse also emphasized if not loneliness but certain safe distance from so-called society. It is perfectly ok to be alone from all that socially constructed reality they created for themselves. Like Tibetans said "the hell is a not a place, but a consequence of behavior of inhabitants".

So loneliness is required, at least it is more bearable and natiral condition for those who is labeled as by society as "introvert" or "autist" or other words they cannot understand. Introversion is an effect, not a cause, and with good books, like "Catcher" cited by OP one is never alone, and it is a better condition than being "social animal" before TV set, or with a bottle on the street.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#33

Post by pdonis »

weland wrote: post #9

This advice is far better than it sounds: > “Find better people,” he replied. I began feeling very much like the author describes in my late high school years. I was nothing like the unpopular guy stereotype though. Yes, between my passion for programming and my introversion I was not exactly a lollypop, but I wasn't the nerd that everyone hated. I was a drummer trying to start a band, occasionally rebellious towards…

This advice is far better than it sounds: > “Find better people,” he replied.

That was exactly my reaction on reading that phrase. IIRC, pg says something similar in "Why Nerds Are Unpopular": we all want the approval of our peers, but one of the advantages of being an adult is that you can choose who your peers are.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#34

Post by pdonis »

erikpukinskis wrote: post #15
iterationx wrote: post #4

There was an interesting article recently about teens and social networking, and insight of the article was that teens want to socialize IRL, but there is nowhere for them to go without parental supervision. I would argue that this approximately true for adults, American cities don't have pedestrian-only town squares, the public transit is abysmal (because long ago they ripped out all the streetcars, which led to the…

I would expand your hypothesis: the goal of business is to take away all of our abilities to take care of ourselves--whether it's socialization, food, shelter, or anything else--so that they can sell those things back to us. Our culture, increasingly dictated by commercial interests, is taking this strategy to the extreme. The result is a world which appears humane to the wealthy.

the goal of business

The goal of some businesses, yes. Not all. And even the ones that do have this as a goal only succeed to the degree that we, as customers, let them.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#35

Post by DenisM »

noname123 wrote: post #12

Related but an off-shoot question, people who are "settled down," in your late 20's/30's/40's/50's/60's, have families and various obligations, how do you deal with loneliness? As someone who is on the precipice of turning 30 (27 currently), speaking strictly for myself - I've found that loneliness for me and my older peers is different from the angst of adolescence a la Holden. Tbh, younger people tend to think in m…

Me, I just accept the suffering. With my interest in entrepreneurship and technology I have drifted apart from most of my friends (who spend their time with kids and hobbies nowadays) and never really became close with anyone in the startup community - everyone seems too busy with their own stuff to pay attention to others.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#36

Post by sizzle »

heythereman wrote: post #8
iterationx wrote: post #4

There was an interesting article recently about teens and social networking, and insight of the article was that teens want to socialize IRL, but there is nowhere for them to go without parental supervision. I would argue that this approximately true for adults, American cities don't have pedestrian-only town squares, the public transit is abysmal (because long ago they ripped out all the streetcars, which led to the…

Could you link the article? I spent most of my youth "ruled" under extremely restrictive parents in a suburb that offered nowhere to go without a car, that my parents would never let me use. I was very lonely as a kid and even after I got to college, it took me a while to develop the social skills I needed to make myself happy. I ended up developing a strong hatred for the suburbs in my youth and have embraced the ur…

well I think you missed out on playing video games together with friends in any of their available houses? playing multiplayer halo and just hanging around were some liberating times away from home growing up for me.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#37

Post by einhverfr »

reneherse wrote: post #31
einhverfr wrote: post #29

This is an interesting article. I found myself agreeing with it most of the time. At the same time, as someone who has overcome a lonely path, I can't help but put a lot more emphasis on culture than on the others. American culture is a lonely culture, as my wife is always pointing out. We send our kids to college alone. We retire alone. We look at social problems like poverty as if they are held by the individual al…

Sounds like if your spouse is threatening to "send" you out of the country a more significant problem than loneliness might be an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional relationship. I only say this (as a reality check) because I've been there, and one can become so numb and codependent that you cease to be aware that this type of behavior is not loving, not normal, and not what you deserve.

One thing one has to learn in an intercultural relationship is how culturally defined abuse actually is. Additionally one has to understand that far from what we like to think, patterns in interpersonal relationships are more cybernetic in nature (i.e. arising from feedback systems) than anything else and when you cross cultural barriers it takes a lot of work and effort to make things work.

Was it dysfunctional? Absolutely. Is that a good idea to break up the family where there are three kids and separate everyone by the diameter of the planet? Not so much.

What I can also say though is that for all the problems I have learned so much I could not have learned otherwise by being willing to work on understanding a perspective of another culture. The cost has been great but the rewards have as well.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#38

Post by judk »

noname123 wrote: post #12

Related but an off-shoot question, people who are "settled down," in your late 20's/30's/40's/50's/60's, have families and various obligations, how do you deal with loneliness? As someone who is on the precipice of turning 30 (27 currently), speaking strictly for myself - I've found that loneliness for me and my older peers is different from the angst of adolescence a la Holden. Tbh, younger people tend to think in m…

You embrace the evolutionary biological imperative. Mate, have kids, and make them your life.

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#39

Post by judk »

iterationx wrote: post #11
heythereman wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you link the article? I spent most of my youth "ruled" under extremely restrictive parents in a suburb that offered nowhere to go without a car, that my parents would never let me use. I was very lonely as a kid and even after I got to college, it took me a while to develop the social skills I needed to make myself happy. I ended up developing a strong hatred for the suburbs in my youth and have embraced the ur…

My suburb used to have an arcade/bowling alley, but my parents didn't want me to go there (I did anyway), but then even that closed down. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. Consider the following, most parents are driving their children to sports, therefore the children are not playing in the neighborhood, therefore if you are a child and not in sports there is no one to socialize with since all your peers are "at…

Do activities like "at hockey" consume the majority of American kids, or just a few rich kids?

Re: Why Loneliness Matters in the Social Age

#40

Post by naradaellis »

firemanx wrote: post #21
noname123 wrote: post #12

Related but an off-shoot question, people who are "settled down," in your late 20's/30's/40's/50's/60's, have families and various obligations, how do you deal with loneliness? As someone who is on the precipice of turning 30 (27 currently), speaking strictly for myself - I've found that loneliness for me and my older peers is different from the angst of adolescence a la Holden. Tbh, younger people tend to think in m…

I'm 31. I was 25 when I got married, which was also the same year the company I co-founded hit the skids and eventually a brick wall. That first year was really rough on us (we started with 1 child and had another in the middle of that year), but we survived and watching that company burn was one of the most valuable life lessons I've ever had. We've had another two kids since then, and I've learned a few other thing…

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. You've put words to some half-formed thoughts I've been having since a recently failed relationship. Live and learn
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