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Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

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Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#131

Post by sdegutis »

Mz wrote: post #24

I get the impression that this is a long, polite way of saying Steve committed suicide. The last time I was on HN and the topic of suicide came up, I wrote kind of a ranty piece that I am not up to editing it (to remove the rantiness) and reposting. The short version: If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. My…

Someone who's depressed enough to consider suicide probably also experiences a crippling loss of hope which prevents them from taking the steps necessary to make local friends in the first place whom they would be able to reach out to. At least that's been my experience.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#132

Post by hrkristian »

l33tbro wrote: post #104
pserwylo wrote: post #93

There is an organisation called BlueHackers.org [0] which was started at the Open Source Developers Conference. It has a strong presence at linux.conf.au as well. The organisation started from a very brief lightning talk that went something along the lines of (me paraphrasing from memory): "Who here in this room has experienced depression?" (for which the person asking the question put their hand up. After a few seco…

Cool sentiment, but what makes you think other "hackers" have the formal background to reach out and to a depressed person? If i was depressed, the last person I'd want to talk to about it are my hacker friends. The vast majority of the population simply have no idea how to talk to mentally ill people.

Depression doesn't really need a qualified person. You're not talking to a mentally ill person, at least not in the sense that you cannot spring a bolt in a depressed person's mind and have him go on a killing spree.

The blue sticker says you'll happily talk, and also listen if they have something profound to get off their chest. That's really the important part, it's not about giving advice.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#133

Post by [deleted] »

einhverfr wrote: post #115
Mz wrote: post #24

I get the impression that this is a long, polite way of saying Steve committed suicide. The last time I was on HN and the topic of suicide came up, I wrote kind of a ranty piece that I am not up to editing it (to remove the rantiness) and reposting. The short version: If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. My…

Something occurs to me when reading what you wrote here. I have heard folks who have struggled with depression (and not just suicidal depression) talk a lot about how important in person time was to recovering generally. I wonder how much depression is a social as opposed to a purely mental/neurological illness. We humans need social contact and this has been known since at least the time of Aristotle (and probably t…

[deleted]

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#134

Post by benatkin »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #116
xenophanes wrote: post #16

> he did all the things he was supposed to do to get help in a moment of crisis - made multiple calls to his care providers, to 911 and even went to the hospital. He had been experiencing symptoms for several years but was in a highly-respected treatment program that was working intimately with him. So in other words, conventional psychiatry failed. And the author's solution seems to be to spread it more. Maybe after…

It sure is interesting that your two primary supporters in this discussion (JustinCEO and aforrester) were created more than a year ago but haven't posted anything on HN until today, when they showed up to support you. No, wait, aforrester made one post on the day it was created, supporting your position in a totally different discussion of suicide. My mistake. Still waiting for that evidence I asked for, by the way.

Check and mate.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#135

Post by john_fushi »

badclient wrote: post #66
Mz wrote: post #24

I get the impression that this is a long, polite way of saying Steve committed suicide. The last time I was on HN and the topic of suicide came up, I wrote kind of a ranty piece that I am not up to editing it (to remove the rantiness) and reposting. The short version: If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. My…

If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. 100%, although I wish we talked more about the challenge of determining that someone is suicidal. Here's what I wrestle with the most about this. I fear that if I "misdiagnose" someone as suicidal, that I might have now given them the idea that there is such a thing as su…

I dealt recently with a friend who was suicidal. Since I didn't know what to do I called Suicide Action to ask how to deal correctly with the situation and get some pointers on dos and donts.

Basically you WANT to talk explicitely about suicide. From what the lady on the phone said, most of the time the suicidal person wants to talk about it.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#136

Post by einhverfr »

Mz wrote: post #120
einhverfr wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mental illness is a really tough thing to discuss in an objective way. See the debates about the DSM-5. I personally think mental health and mental illness are socially constructed. This being said, the experiences relating to mental illness are very real. The larger question is how we make sense of them as a society. For something like depression how much of the illness is cognitive? How much is biological? How much…

That last is very hard to ask because the vast majority of people are raised with either a guilt or shame model, thus asking it comes across as finger pointing. Anyway, I need to go so cannot elaborate.

It's not a question of finger pointing so much as asking what social structures we have that make this harder.

You mentioned your kids live with you. How hard would it be if they didn't? Does the fact that we stigmatize adults living with their parents and make mental illness into an individual problem contribute to it?

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#137

Post by marquis »

camus2 wrote: post #122
Mz wrote: post #24

I get the impression that this is a long, polite way of saying Steve committed suicide. The last time I was on HN and the topic of suicide came up, I wrote kind of a ranty piece that I am not up to editing it (to remove the rantiness) and reposting. The short version: If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. My…

My brother committed suicide. He died for nothing,and nobody in the family even knows why he died. 10 years later, I feel like I dont care he died anymore, I just cant feel sorry for people committing suicide, it accomplishes nothing,except destroying a family ,making relatives feel guilty all their life. Suicide is the most selfish thing one can do, that's my opinion.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#138

Post by badclient »

john_fushi wrote: post #135
badclient wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. In person. Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone. 100%, although I wish we talked more about the challenge of determining that someone is suicidal. Here's what I wrestle with the most about this. I fear that if I "misdiagnose" someone as suicidal, that I might have now given them the idea that there is such a thing as su…

I dealt recently with a friend who was suicidal. Since I didn't know what to do I called Suicide Action to ask how to deal correctly with the situation and get some pointers on dos and donts. Basically you WANT to talk explicitely about suicide. From what the lady on the phone said, most of the time the suicidal person wants to talk about it.

Interesting. How did you know he was suicidal? If I am convinced he is suicidal, it is easy to have a conversation. But I feel there is so much gray area and the last thing I want is to make someone who is just feeling a bit down in life from thinking about suicide.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#139

Post by hawkharris »

This story about your brother's struggle was moving...I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Mental health-related causes are personal to me as well.

I think you touched on one of the biggest issues: the stereotype that people with mental health problems appear different and have a lower social status. As your story illustrates, the conditions affect all sorts of people, including those who are smart, successful and career-oriented.

Many people fail to recognize the severity of psychological problems because they're too busy looking at superficial measures of well being: a person's career, his or her physical appearance, etc. But depression has made some of us feel as if we're in a deep fog or a war zone, even if, on the surface, we live in nice neighborhoods and succeed in the workplace.

The key is to be more vocal about this struggle beneath the surface — and to speak up very soon. In my observation, the earlier in life a person can overcome depression, the greater his or her chances of becoming happy and stable.

Kudos on taking the initiative to speak up about this important issue and responding constructively to such as a great loss.

Re: Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

#140

Post by EMRo »

armini wrote: post #124

I'm extremely sorry for your loss EMRo. I'm not aware of your brothers mental health issues but I can certainty relate. If I find that my mental health is deteriorating I try to do two things. 1- Start the process of cognitive creativity to stimulate my mind 2- Reach out to the world by attempting to solve someones problems By taking focus away from my world and looking at others, I can better come to self realizatio…

Hey thanks for sharing your story. My brother was just starting a blog and hoping to share his ideas with others. He was an avid problem solver and I wish he had found ways to reel himself back in like you did. Will check out your site!
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