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How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

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Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#81

Post by sliverstorm »

DannyBee wrote: post #57
scarmig wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The generally accepted rule is 1) Be attractive and 2) Don't be unattractive. That's more than a bit reductionist, of course, but tweaking your profile text or message texts only helps at the margins, assuming you don't have deal breakers. com2kid isn't going to be getting dozens of inbound messages a month just by revising his profile (sorry, com2kid). (On the other hand, updating your pictures genuinely can give yo…

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. It's what guys tell themselves because they can't write reasonable profiles or write non-creepy messages to women. I've read what most guys send my female friends on okcupid. Not just the random idiots, but what i would think would be otherwise intelligent people. It often comes off as desperate or creepy. It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive. But I'm an average looking…

It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive

I think specifically in this context what is meant is 1) have good pictures 2) don't have bad pictures

Even OKc harps on pictures, because they know from their data that pictures are important.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#82

Post by sliverstorm »

a8da6b0c91d wrote: post #30
fchollet wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always thought that the messaging asymmetry on dating sites was purely a reflection of the real-world asymmetry of dating, where females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves. The universal expectation is that it is the role of the male to manifest interest in, and worthiness of, the female. Not that I agree with this, but it would be difficult not to observe it. I remember reading somewhere that t…

> females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence It's the opposite. In environments like parties and bars women subtly initiate most interactions. They maneuver closer and do the glance thing.

There's no analogue to that in online dating though.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#83

Post by klipt »

Gracana wrote: post #62
scarmig wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The generally accepted rule is 1) Be attractive and 2) Don't be unattractive. That's more than a bit reductionist, of course, but tweaking your profile text or message texts only helps at the margins, assuming you don't have deal breakers. com2kid isn't going to be getting dozens of inbound messages a month just by revising his profile (sorry, com2kid). (On the other hand, updating your pictures genuinely can give yo…

Plenty of average and unattractive people are in happy relationships. That "rule" is just something that uninteresting people tell themselves to try to avoid taking responsibility for their situation.

So you'd say the real rule is "be interesting"?

The problem is there are plenty of people with passionate, interesting lives, but who aren't good at communicating that interest, or have interests that don't appeal to (most of) the opposite sex.

In dating, where first impressions are everything, it's often more important to appear interesting than be interesting.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#84

Post by x0054 »

Though unrelated to this post in particular, I figured I would post a method of finding dates that worked particularly well for me.

Post a "Blind Date" message in the M4W section of CL. In the message describe your self as honestly as you can, while still being interesting and flattering to yourself. Ask the women to describe themselves to you in the reply. Say one or two interesting things about your self, and what you are looking for. Request that the responding girl does NOT send you a picture, and wait for the messages to roll in :)

I picked up quite a few dates that way, all the girls were beautiful, smart, and very interesting to talk to. Because we weren't a "100%" match, we actually had some different points of view, which lead to fun conversations.

You might think this would lead to you perhaps going out with girls who are not very good looking. First of all, you can have lot's of fun with a girl, even if you are not sexually attracted to her. But in reality, only girls who are very beautiful and confident in their appearance would actually reply to this message.

In any case, it worked great for me. I met lot's of cool girls, and eventually found the love of my life.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#85

Post by stevewillows »

mjmahone17 wrote: post #80
com2kid wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think I'm ugly[0], but it is hard to be sure! ;) I have a friend of mine who is short (generally considered a disadvantage) and who has one miserable picture, but his messages are good enough that he has a good success rate on OKC. (His messages also violate every guideline, they are at least 5 paragraphs long and very in depth!) The problem is, it is disheartening in the extreme. Spending years going to the…

Join a dance program. Your issue seems to be lack of confidence around women in general, not specifically in a dating environment. Get comfortable with your body in an environment where a lot of women are. And don't try to date the women you dance with, at least not initially. Dance is just an easy thing to join: you could also go to underground music venues, join a co-ed softball/volleyball/tae kwon do team, take ar…

This is fantastic advice! I think dancing above all others will speed up the process of confidence around the ladies.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#86

Post by GFK_of_xmaspast »

fchollet wrote: post #27
cocoflunchy wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I feel like all he did in the end is find a way of getting a lot of people interested in his profile (by tweaking the score so that it would be as close as 100% as possible) and then go on a lot of dates.The real issue here is probably the asymmetry in male/female messages and requests rates on OkCupid...

I always thought that the messaging asymmetry on dating sites was purely a reflection of the real-world asymmetry of dating, where females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves. The universal expectation is that it is the role of the male to manifest interest in, and worthiness of, the female. Not that I agree with this, but it would be difficult not to observe it. I remember reading somewhere that t…

"females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves"

Maybe they don't with YOU.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#87

Post by jliechti1 »

mjmahone17 wrote: post #75
com2kid wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=... . Annoyingly enough very similar to my profile! :P But yeah. I have a good job, I go to the gym and workout, what the heck else am I expected to do? I'm working my ass off to make a positive impact on the world. Fuck if I am going to drop that so I can be a narcissistic asshole, quit my job, and fly around…

Your messages sound really stilted and like you're really nervous. They jump from one random topic to the next, without actually showing anything uniquely you . > But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What this says: I own toys, you should kn…

This is the right approach. Just ask a simple question that shows you read the person's profile and ask them to expand on something you would like to know more about (and it should be something you are genuinely curious about). Also, stay away from anything romantic/sexual, and you'll stick out way more compared to all the crazy/creepy guys that are messaging her.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#89

Post by GFK_of_xmaspast »

70forty wrote: post #78
Paul12345534 wrote: post #63

Once upon a time, I was seeking a Filipina gf. At the time, DateInAsia didn't have any good search interface but it was a good place to meet people if you weeded out the scammers. I was looking for very specific things (Catholic, educated, no kids, 25 or older, etc). I scrapped (slowly) the site content and threw all the fields in a database so I could query it locally :) I filled out my profile as complete as possib…

My current girlfriend is Cambodian, and we met via OkCupid. I noticed that of the ~1000 Cambodian girls using the site, none of them matched above 80% with me. I disregarded this and I'm really glad I did. Personally, I was searching for someone who seemed sweet, adventurous, and spoke English well. I think I read through just about every one of those 1000 profiles, but my girlfriend's stood out... in a way that I co…

I'm gonna assume you and Paul12345534 aren't white dudes b/c that'd be a behavior for creeps.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#90

Post by GFK_of_xmaspast »

com2kid wrote: post #66
DannyBee wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. It's what guys tell themselves because they can't write reasonable profiles or write non-creepy messages to women. I've read what most guys send my female friends on okcupid. Not just the random idiots, but what i would think would be otherwise intelligent people. It often comes off as desperate or creepy. It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive. But I'm an average looking…

> I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=... . Annoyingly enough very similar to my profile! :P But yeah. I have a good job, I go to the gym and workout, what the heck else am I expected to do? I'm working my ass off to make a positive impact on the world. Fuck if I am going to drop that so I can be a narcissistic asshole, quit my job, and fly around…

Dang those are some awkward messages.
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