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How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

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Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#61

Post by keerthiko »

crazygringo wrote: post #28

It's funny... doing all this 'hacking' to create profiles with awesome match %'s... is pretty pointless. In my personal experience, a match below 80% is a red flag (serious incompatibilities), but above 85% there aren't any big differences. Like he said, he went on 55 dates, but only three second dates. The 55 dates really isn't too hard to do without the hacking, it's just a question of time. And the "three second d…

I spent about one year on OkC @ approx 40minutes/day on the site, and got about 20 first dates, 10 second dates, 2 third dates, and 2 fourth dates. They were almost all 85+% matches, and weren't that hard to find. However, I would say that my manual filtering probably took way less time than he spent implementing his models.

He probably learned more engineering and advanced math while I learned how to read subtle messages of profiles, project the right ones of my own and know what's worth talking about ahead of time by having conversation online first.

He probably got the satisfaction of 'hacking' the system, while I had more efficient expenditure of money (dates can get expensive on average for guys when you decide to at least offer to pay).

None of my OkC prospects looked like they would work out long-term, though I'm still good online friends with over half of them. I flippantly shut down my account 3 months before I would have to leave the country, because even if I met someone I didn't want to be in a long-distance relationship, so I decided to save myself the trouble.

And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking, and we're planning to go traveling in Asia next month (it's been 7 months).

I'm a diehard hacker and nerd and all, but when things like this happen, it's hard to not wonder if the traditionalists do have a point when saying you can't figure these things out with numbers. At least not when people are gaming their numbers :)

The math is super-fascinating though, and I hope OkC team does some research into it and integrates some of the ideas: obviously they wouldn't want to support uber-profile optimization for multiple groups, but maybe help find the right groups, etc.

I do think his biggest win as a male on OkC was being able to generate all the inbound traffic he would want with no invested marketing on his part (besides writing his scripts). That's something even the most skilled male OkC connoisseurs find difficult to do.

Edited: to add last thought.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#62

Post by Gracana »

scarmig wrote: post #50
justinsteele wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you had an opposite gender friend review your profile?

The generally accepted rule is 1) Be attractive and 2) Don't be unattractive. That's more than a bit reductionist, of course, but tweaking your profile text or message texts only helps at the margins, assuming you don't have deal breakers. com2kid isn't going to be getting dozens of inbound messages a month just by revising his profile (sorry, com2kid). (On the other hand, updating your pictures genuinely can give yo…

Plenty of average and unattractive people are in happy relationships. That "rule" is just something that uninteresting people tell themselves to try to avoid taking responsibility for their situation.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#63

Post by Paul12345534 »

Once upon a time, I was seeking a Filipina gf. At the time, DateInAsia didn't have any good search interface but it was a good place to meet people if you weeded out the scammers.

I was looking for very specific things (Catholic, educated, no kids, 25 or older, etc). I scrapped (slowly) the site content and threw all the fields in a database so I could query it locally :)

I filled out my profile as complete as possible about myself and who I was looking for. DateInAsia lets people know when you viewed their profile... so my Python script automatically viewed all the profiles that matched my search queries. Many of them viewed my profile in return and those who were interested messaged me. I met some nice ladies that way but it turned out to be a Filipina lady I met in an unrelated chatroom who I fell in love with.

My own more humble attempt at mixing geekdom with love :) but love comes in unexpected places not ruled by math

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#64

Post by programminggeek »

I think the most interesting part of this is that an algorithm told people they are 99% compatible and that changed their behavior enough to make it easy for them to go on a date. Funny that an artificially high number on a computer screen completely changed people's behavior and perception of the world.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#65

Post by com2kid »

scarmig wrote: post #50
justinsteele wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you had an opposite gender friend review your profile?

The generally accepted rule is 1) Be attractive and 2) Don't be unattractive. That's more than a bit reductionist, of course, but tweaking your profile text or message texts only helps at the margins, assuming you don't have deal breakers. com2kid isn't going to be getting dozens of inbound messages a month just by revising his profile (sorry, com2kid). (On the other hand, updating your pictures genuinely can give yo…

I don't think I'm ugly[0], but it is hard to be sure! ;)

I have a friend of mine who is short (generally considered a disadvantage) and who has one miserable picture, but his messages are good enough that he has a good success rate on OKC. (His messages also violate every guideline, they are at least 5 paragraphs long and very in depth!)

The problem is, it is disheartening in the extreme. Spending years going to the gym and getting in shape, get promotions at work, buy a house, all for naught.

Doing the math, I figured it'd take me a 3 or 4 dozen dates to get used to socializing with women in a dating environment. The problem is in the last 2 years my success rate at getting dates has plummeted, I used to be able get a date a week w/o issue, now, months upon months of work to get one date. Ugh. This obviously sets back progress of skill acquisition.

It is annoying, I am one of those people who is otherwise successful, but the amount of contact I had with women before joining my current team @ work was almost nil, so an entire skillset[1] isn't there. OKC helps because it creates a way by which to meet women (for reference only one of my friends has any contact with women either!), but it involves what distinctly looks like black magic to be successful on it.

[0]http://ak2.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/150x150/...

[1]Recognizing non-verbal cross-gender communications. A subset of non-verbal communications in general of course, but there are (thankfully!) now good written resources on general purpose non-verbal communications.

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#66

Post by com2kid »

DannyBee wrote: post #57
scarmig wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The generally accepted rule is 1) Be attractive and 2) Don't be unattractive. That's more than a bit reductionist, of course, but tweaking your profile text or message texts only helps at the margins, assuming you don't have deal breakers. com2kid isn't going to be getting dozens of inbound messages a month just by revising his profile (sorry, com2kid). (On the other hand, updating your pictures genuinely can give yo…

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. It's what guys tell themselves because they can't write reasonable profiles or write non-creepy messages to women. I've read what most guys send my female friends on okcupid. Not just the random idiots, but what i would think would be otherwise intelligent people. It often comes off as desperate or creepy. It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive. But I'm an average looking…

> I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=....

Annoyingly enough very similar to my profile! :P

But yeah. I have a good job, I go to the gym and workout, what the heck else am I expected to do? I'm working my ass off to make a positive impact on the world. Fuck if I am going to drop that so I can be a narcissistic asshole, quit my job, and fly around the world discovering myself.

As for the messages I send, I try my best to be original and different, for example,

What does make you laugh? The silliness of life? Those who take themselves too seriously, or those who take themselves not seriously at all? Both are amusing in their own way, though I cannot understand why one would pain themselves by taking life seriously!

Not to say life is without value, life most certainly has value, and helping others is the noblest of callings.

But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car!

What about yourself? What is your alarm clock set to? I once set my dad's cell phone ringer to a rooster crowing. He was not pleased, although my mother almost fell out of her chair laughing.

(My current alarm is Violin music, in all honesty, it is not that good at waking me up!)

That message apparently didn't go over very well!

Other messages are sent such as

Hmm, a good cup of coffee may be easy to find, but I have had to teach myself how to make a good cup of tea! I find the ritual itself can be fairly relaxing. (Depends on the culture of the tea of course, some teas are easier to prepare than others!)

Is your work in the heathcare industry on something like replacing old people with robots? Someone should get on that. I know for a fact that the day I turn 60, I want a super strong steel alloy robot body.

Actually I might take that offer a bit sooner than 60, it'd be hard to wait!

Which also apparently didn't go over well either!

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#67

Post by Tossrock »

fchollet wrote: post #27
cocoflunchy wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I feel like all he did in the end is find a way of getting a lot of people interested in his profile (by tweaking the score so that it would be as close as 100% as possible) and then go on a lot of dates.The real issue here is probably the asymmetry in male/female messages and requests rates on OkCupid...

I always thought that the messaging asymmetry on dating sites was purely a reflection of the real-world asymmetry of dating, where females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves. The universal expectation is that it is the role of the male to manifest interest in, and worthiness of, the female. Not that I agree with this, but it would be difficult not to observe it. I remember reading somewhere that t…

OKCupid's demographics skew male nearly 2:1, actually [1].

1: https://www.quantcast.com/okcupid.com#!demo

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#69

Post by monksy »

pella wrote: post #10

TED: Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wG_sAdP0U "Amy Webb was having no luck with online dating. The dates she liked didn't write her back, and her own profile attracted crickets (and worse). So, as any fan of data would do: she started making a spreadsheet. Hear the story of how she went on to hack her online dating life -- with frustrating, funny and life-changing results."

Man... I kept listening to her go on and I couldn't help but to think "I'm picky, but why am I so lonely." "I don't want to do anything, its everyone else's fault."

Re: How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

#70

Post by cocoflunchy »

fchollet wrote: post #27
cocoflunchy wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I feel like all he did in the end is find a way of getting a lot of people interested in his profile (by tweaking the score so that it would be as close as 100% as possible) and then go on a lot of dates.The real issue here is probably the asymmetry in male/female messages and requests rates on OkCupid...

I always thought that the messaging asymmetry on dating sites was purely a reflection of the real-world asymmetry of dating, where females will almost never initiate a flirt sequence themselves. The universal expectation is that it is the role of the male to manifest interest in, and worthiness of, the female. Not that I agree with this, but it would be difficult not to observe it. I remember reading somewhere that t…

I agree with you, I probably shouldn't have said "on OkCupid". This is far from the root issue, but it's also hard not to fall into uninteresting generalizations, like "the real issue here is the objectification of women in the western civilization" or "the real issue here is the place of woman in society".

    Thinking about it, I can't think of a single animal species where the female is the one seeking out the males.
I couldn't find anything either after a (quick) Google search, so you might be right about that. But it doesn't mean that we are bound to act forever the same, and I think that it's not the case in some (nordic?) countries (although it might be an urban legend, maybe someone can chime in with real world data / observations).
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