Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

theglobeandmail.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 168 posts

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#101

Post by nl »

zigzig wrote: post #7

While I've made plenty of bad decisions myself, I think a large part of why I've always been extremely lonely and isolated is that I was raised with very little sense of family or community. Growing up an only child, my parents apparently never thought it was worth me meeting the 80% of my cousins that lived in the same country, but somewhat far away. My parents themselves had scant friends or associates (at least du…

That's why if I'm ever somehow in the position to have a child of my own, I won't be able to. I wouldn't trust my ability to raise anything but an ice cold stranger.

No fate but what we make.

(Ok, it seems kinda stupid to quote Terminator, but there is some truth in there.)

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#102

Post by chattoraj »

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #95
chattoraj wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I read it recently, and found it to be Atlas Shrugged for 5-year-olds. The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!" All told, I like the version at the end of this page[1] much better. [1] http://the-toast.net/2013/08/02/texts-from-peter-pan-et-al/

>The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!" I'm 24 and it's still true. Being an adult is being able to handle responsibilities and take care of yourself in the world. Being a grown-up is being a prig whose soul died years ago.

> Being an adult is being able to handle responsibilities and take care of yourself in the world. Being a grown-up is being a prig whose soul died years ago.

A fair opinion, but I don't think the book makes that distinction.

The prince keeps heckling the narrator even when he's trying to fix his plane and head back to civilization. How is trying to escape near-certain death a "grown-up" thing, as opposed to being an "adult" thing?

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#103

Post by icebraining »

chattoraj wrote: post #102
eli_gottlieb wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!" I'm 24 and it's still true. Being an adult is being able to handle responsibilities and take care of yourself in the world. Being a grown-up is being a prig whose soul died years ago.

> Being an adult is being able to handle responsibilities and take care of yourself in the world. Being a grown-up is being a prig whose soul died years ago. A fair opinion, but I don't think the book makes that distinction. The prince keeps heckling the narrator even when he's trying to fix his plane and head back to civilization. How is trying to escape near-certain death a "grown-up" thing, as opposed to being an…

"Now you must work. You must return to your engine. I will be waiting for you here. Come back tomorrow evening . . ."

(...)

"I am glad that you have found what was the matter with your engine," he said. "Now you can go back home--"

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#104

Post by emp_zealoth »

sown wrote: post #33

this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…

I feel exactly like you - I'm a little bit deaf so any social gathering is an enormous strain to me (75% of my brain power is directed at just deciphering words) I also have awful, prolonged headaches that make me talk really slow - I've been lonely for most of my life, I still feel that way.

But it changed when i met a girl at my uni - i ignored her at the time (I thought i could do it all alone!). I only started talking with her after i got thrown out of the uni (mostly over Facebook). I had no idea, i still don't, why she is so kind to me. I fell for her.

And that's what made me come out of my shell - she actively tried to help me, but it was my will to do it that actually mattered. I changed and it somehow felt like I was dying, at least some part of me, and I still feel lost and confused - sometimes it is like a completely alien person took my place. But I don't pretend to be something i am not. I just have to come to terms with "new me", possibly still improve.

The point (sorry for confusing logic - writing on a phone):

1. Friends kind of happen (I mean true friend, those who you can trust and open to) - of course it takes a lot of work, often pain and anguish too - it isn't always that everything goes smoothly. But you can't just force friendship. My personal experience is that it is easiest to make friends at some kind of a trip - skiing, sailing, camping or rafting or whatever that takes it's participants out of the comfort zone - it weds out douchebags that are all mouth and no action and often brings out true character from others and that makes it easy to grow close to somebody

2. There is always hope. You can find your own Angel in the most ridiculous of circumstances

3. Maybe the changes are positive? (please don't take it as an affront) You have to think it over - "what can I change that drives others away, make them treat me seriously?"

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#105

Post by spacehome »

ScottBurson wrote: post #75
sejje wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.

Try the Unitarians, perhaps. They are very non-dogmatic. I don't think they would reject an atheist at all -- in fact a few of them might privately admit to agreeing with you.

I can confirm. I was raised in a Unitarian Universalist church, and there were a sizable minority (best guess is 10-20%) of adults who were mostly atheistic but wanted a deeper moral, spiritual, and ecological rooting than mainstream atheism provides.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#106

Post by EdwigePelagia »

bowlofpetunias wrote: post #6
ginko wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's generally weird to me that newspapers articles seem to be exempt from the expectation to cite their sources.

They also consider themselves exempt from the common practice that text in quotes contains sentences the people quoted have actually said or written. I.e., the author may as well have pulled it out of her ass, and you would be none the wiser. That's old school quality journalism for you.

Yeah this is pretty absurd. I've been "quoted" a few times in newspapers and they got my statements completely wrong. Just flat out changed the wording (and therefore meaning) of what I said.

The Globe and Mail is as authoritative and reputable as they get, but this isn't saying much. The media is just a shit show in general.

Having said that, even more pathetic is people who get their information from internet forums asking journalists to cite sources.

The authority hierarchy goes like this: Academic writing > Books by credentialed people > YouTube videos by credentialed people > Websites by credentialed people > Newspapers > Yahoo! Answers > Hacker News comments > Wikipedia.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#107

Post by _sputnik_ »

Jtsummers wrote: post #63
githulhu wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…

At the risk of sounding positive, I've found therapy to not be a waste of time, despite therapists being generally mediocre. As long as they're not an asshole, having someone listen to you and prompt you with questions is incredibly therapeutic. It also helps immensely that you can be confident about your privacy. Just getting it out sometimes is what you need. None of the therapists I dealt with when going through a…

I agree. I used to go to a therapists for depression and it helped a lot just talk but it was also like having a coach that gave you social exercises (starting small). I have a lot of friends but I feel like I can open up more to my therapists.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#108

Post by gaius »

evanmoran wrote: post #22

When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understand why he kept coming over, but I was too polite to mention anything. Turns out, he came by because we were friends. In fact, we had been friends the whole time, but I didn't know it! What I missed is that the stages between meeting people and friendship look…

In time new friends turn into the most important thing in life: old friends.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#109

Post by eli_gottlieb »

thirdtruck wrote: post #27
thirdtruck wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've known this for a long time (years). However, the recognition tends to keep getting pushed aside by new insights or concerns about my latest project work and to the detriment of making lasting connections. Thank you for putting it in such a succinct form that I must take lasting notice of it.

And sweet Sagan , that came out sounding a lot more clinical than I would like. At least that's probably just a product of exhaustion from several hours of karaoke with complete strangers. :)

Were you drunk? Drunk karaoke is best karaoke.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#110

Post by eli_gottlieb »

pmarca wrote: post #62

Gee whiz, if only there were some kind of worldwide computer network where everyone could meet people who share common interests -- for free!

You ever tried making friends on the internet? It's the single most surefire way to be bombarded with comments about your sexual orientation.
Post reply on HN