71–80 of 168 posts
The article mentions Portland as an example of city planning which encourages interaction and social cohesion. Are there any other examples that spring to mind for U.S. cities? I'm looking to relocate and this is high on the list for me.
Portland has a high suicide rate.
In poor countries, like India, you have no privacy at all. The overreaction, in rich countries like the US, is to buy privacy the richer you get. But Americans take it to extremes, buying huge houses that allow them to go days without interacting with another person. In fact, not having to deal with other people is considered a desirable luxury. Sit at home and eat and watch TV and shop. I know people who drive (down…
In college, there was very little privacy. I shared a room with a roommate, and that room was one of two in a shared suite, with two other people in the other room and a common bathroom shared by all four people.
I now share a 2br apartment with a roommate. I have a private bedroom, but a shared living room and kitchen.
My apartment happens to be in the shadow of a very rich neighborhood, and the grandest homes here are secluded far off the road, often completely invisible to passersby, hidden behind dense foliage. They signal their existence to you through their formidable and ostentatious gates, but beyond that you have no glimpse of the private estate of the totally unknown and unseen owner. The owner has spent a vast sum of money--enough for most people to retire on, if not doubly or even triply so--just to build a completely private oasis in the heart of the city.
For a lot of people here, that is the end-game: make millions, then spend most of it hiding yourself from the rest of the world.
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Try doing volunteer work on the weekends for some cause you care about. One it will get you out of the house and two you will meet people who may be like-minded but are different enough from your co-workers as to be more interesting. I'd recommend also trying church. Not trying to push religion, but it's a way to get involved with a group of people who often organize social or community activities.
Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.
But it probably depends on your view on religion. Some atheists consider religion to be vague platitudes and fairy tales, and so for them going to church is a meaningless act. I consider Christianity at least to be a very compelling and plausible worldview (although still false), and so for me going to church would feel very wrong. In fact I go out of my way to avoid participating in any religious acts, although I'm happy to visit a church that accepts tourists as tourists.
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most therapists are utter garbage... I don't have data on "most" therapists, and neither do you, but some therapists can immeasurably change your life for the better. As for the cost, would you rather work on your inner life (which might bring professional success) or buy that new BMW? Only you can make that decision.
Also regarding cost, I found the cost with insurance to be very affordable. Perhaps my insurance is better than average, but I just paid the same copay I'd spend going to any other doctor ($20). And like going to any other doctor, when you're in pain (mental or physical), it's almost always best to just go and talk to them. The longer you delay the greater risk of it becoming worse, and a small fee to find out that y…
If you do use insurance for short-term therapy, all sorts of red flags (aka DSM diagnoses) will forever be branded into your permanent medical record. Obamacare may change some of this - unclear.
In short, while getting therapy is good ... involving insurance is iffy.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Try doing volunteer work on the weekends for some cause you care about. One it will get you out of the house and two you will meet people who may be like-minded but are different enough from your co-workers as to be more interesting. I'd recommend also trying church. Not trying to push religion, but it's a way to get involved with a group of people who often organize social or community activities.
Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Please do just one thing: make an appointment with a therapist to see if you have depression.
At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…
Part of the problem is that loneliness has a terrible feedback loop. Isolation makes you bitter and desperate and then nobody wants to be around you. Do it too long and your culture starts diverging from the main and connecting with new people is like crossing a river.
Then that culture is broken. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…
Please do just one thing: make an appointment with a therapist to see if you have depression.
If medicalizing (and I don't mean that term in a pejorative way) your problems works for you, then do that. Other people find other solutions to their problems, like self-help, or just prefer to live with them.
this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…
Making friends is about a combination of exposure (meeting people) and sharing something (a hobby, where you grew up, etc.). Part of the process is that YOU have to be genuinely interested in THEM, and vice-versa.
Many people think that you have to be more interesting, but that's not exactly the case. You have to be more interested. And what's the best way to become more interested? Pursue new and different things! I'm going to sound like a broken record on this, but go travel. You'll meet more people in one week of staying in hostels in Thailand than you'll meet in your normal life in a year! Go hiking and backpacking (I've made many friends by getting involved in those). Take up rock climbing (extremely social) and yoga instead of lifting weights (I love the iron, too, but it's not social). As others have said, do some volunteer work. Take cooking classes. Learn to have a passion for cooking and for foods. Check meetup.com for dining groups in your area, where you can share your new passion for food.
Get out of your bubble. Note, I'm not saying to get out of your comfort zone. I think that's pushed too much by vapid people in order to subtly put themselves above others. However, by exploring new and different things, you will find that your comfort zone grows tremendously.
By the way, I've never really liked Fridays because I always feel too tired for activities that "normal" people seem to push (i.e. going out to bars with coworkers). You're not alone.
Loneliness, it turns out, is as bad for your health as smoking, or being obese. The research that Prof. Cacioppo has done with colleagues also adds to the growing body of work that shows how bad loneliness can be for your health. It shows that loneliness suppresses the immune system and cardiovascular function, and increases the amount of stress hormone the body produces. It causes wear and tear on a cellular level,…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness#Effects A start.
I really don't follow the argument: living in major city also increases cancer risk, in order to justify calling loneliness “life-threatening health condition” one should really provide more relevant information.