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Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

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Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#61

Post by Danieru »

sejje wrote: post #44
ams6110 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try doing volunteer work on the weekends for some cause you care about. One it will get you out of the house and two you will meet people who may be like-minded but are different enough from your co-workers as to be more interesting. I'd recommend also trying church. Not trying to push religion, but it's a way to get involved with a group of people who often organize social or community activities.

Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.

Most churches would (or should) welcome a non-believer! Going to church in your situation would not be sneaky or deceitful. Even if you are very very very sure that the service is not going to make you into a Christian, that does not matter since the church will be pretty sure of the opposite. Plus you're not taking anything away from anyone, there is no reason to feel guilty.

As shorthand advice: try to find a mission church in your area. A mission church expects newcomers from the area and should be welcoming. If on the off chance the church you attend feels unwelcoming for any reason you should try a different church. All churches are run by sinful humans and sometimes that works out better than others, sometimes not.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#63

Post by Jtsummers »

githulhu wrote: post #46
rjbond3rd wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please do just one thing: make an appointment with a therapist to see if you have depression.

At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…

At the risk of sounding positive, I've found therapy to not be a waste of time, despite therapists being generally mediocre.

As long as they're not an asshole, having someone listen to you and prompt you with questions is incredibly therapeutic. It also helps immensely that you can be confident about your privacy. Just getting it out sometimes is what you need. None of the therapists I dealt with when going through anxiety/depression issues really grokked what was going on in my head (my impression, but perhaps, like a parent, they really did know all along). However, a few 45 minute sessions of speaking and prompting got things off my chest, and my mind redirected on far more positive things than "I'm not good enough", "I'm going to die alone", "No one would miss me if I didn't wake up tomorrow" and other delightful thoughts.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#65

Post by hnriot »

sejje wrote: post #44
ams6110 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try doing volunteer work on the weekends for some cause you care about. One it will get you out of the house and two you will meet people who may be like-minded but are different enough from your co-workers as to be more interesting. I'd recommend also trying church. Not trying to push religion, but it's a way to get involved with a group of people who often organize social or community activities.

Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.

of course it's not immoral, but it may be dumb. There are "church people" everywhere, you don't need to go and listen to people doing something you hate to meet them.

However, my recommendation would be forget this idea of "church people" you have, it sounds unhealthy to me. Less labels.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#66

Post by auctiontheory »

githulhu wrote: post #46
rjbond3rd wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please do just one thing: make an appointment with a therapist to see if you have depression.

At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…

most therapists are utter garbage...

I don't have data on "most" therapists, and neither do you, but some therapists can immeasurably change your life for the better.

As for the cost, would you rather work on your inner life (which might bring professional success) or buy that new BMW? Only you can make that decision.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#67

Post by auctiontheory »

sillysaurus2 wrote: post #2

Loneliness, it turns out, is as bad for your health as smoking, or being obese. The research that Prof. Cacioppo has done with colleagues also adds to the growing body of work that shows how bad loneliness can be for your health. It shows that loneliness suppresses the immune system and cardiovascular function, and increases the amount of stress hormone the body produces. It causes wear and tear on a cellular level,…

The starting point is to google: cacioppo loneliness

These searches turn up a bunch of widely-cited papers.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#68

Post by auctiontheory »

In poor countries, like India, you have no privacy at all. The overreaction, in rich countries like the US, is to buy privacy the richer you get.

But Americans take it to extremes, buying huge houses that allow them to go days without interacting with another person. In fact, not having to deal with other people is considered a desirable luxury. Sit at home and eat and watch TV and shop. I know people who drive (down their very, very long driveway) just to get to the front gate and mailbox.

The Indian situation is probably closer to our evolutionary roots.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#69

Post by auctiontheory »

jxf wrote: post #38
hippee-lee wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please, please tell us what that is from.

It's Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "The Little Prince". Definitely worth a read!

Definitely - one of the all-time classics. Before the Euro, Saint-Exupéry used to be on French money. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:50francstexupery.jpg

I hear that the new translation (from French to English) is not as smooth as the original.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#70

Post by Jtsummers »

auctiontheory wrote: post #66
githulhu wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of sounding negative, I've found that this is probably a waste of time, because most therapists are utter garbage... And, it's really no surprise, really, if you look at the average salary for therapists. I imagine that most of the ones who could actually help you are running high-priced practices treating Arab princes and basketball players...naturally they are not going to be found in the provider direc…

most therapists are utter garbage... I don't have data on "most" therapists, and neither do you, but some therapists can immeasurably change your life for the better. As for the cost, would you rather work on your inner life (which might bring professional success) or buy that new BMW? Only you can make that decision.

Also regarding cost, I found the cost with insurance to be very affordable. Perhaps my insurance is better than average, but I just paid the same copay I'd spend going to any other doctor ($20). And like going to any other doctor, when you're in pain (mental or physical), it's almost always best to just go and talk to them. The longer you delay the greater risk of it becoming worse, and a small fee to find out that you're ok or not ok is worth it. And when it's something like anxiety or depression, it can definitely get worse. Until you've accumulated more experience with it than anyone really wants (speaking from experience here), it's next to impossible to pull yourself out of it.
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