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Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

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Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#51

Post by eropple »

dnautics wrote: post #20
Yhippa wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you elaborate on your suspicion?

Yes, it's a bit of an extrapolation. For my social time, I go social dancing. I still get a little bit lonely from time to time but I don't think it's all that bad. But in any case, what I see happening is that when people get rather good (or even if they don't; if they THINK they are rather good) they stop dancing with people who are not as good as them. Since it's an activity where being social is also coupled to h…

> And most of the PhDs are just... not friendly towards him. Why not?

Insecurity. "They're not as good as me, I will be seen as lesser for associating with them."

Personally, I automatically distrust people who won't bullshit with a taxi driver or exchange quick comments about the local sports teams with a delivery guy (and no, you don't have to like sports to do that).

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#52

Post by mgkimsal »

jamesknelson wrote: post #48
bliti wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can always shoot me an email (profile). I'm always up for talking about nerdy stuff. Currently writing code for a robot as a I type this message.

This may sound kinda stupid, but when people ask you to send them an e-mail in a social setting, what are you expected to actually send? I've had a few times when there are people I've met who use the "send me an e-mail" line, but I never find something worth actually sending an e-mail about, and thus never get around to it.

i write "hello - we met @ - my contact info is ______ - let's grab a coffee when you're free"

i add more if there was something more specific/interesting that we chatted about.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#53

Post by taigeair »

sown wrote: post #33

this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…

I'm not sure if this will help but two of my friends have found their significant others through this site. http://www.interpals.net/ Didn't work for me for some reason but it might work for you.

I did have a penpal for a while (someone I met in person but then moved away) which was awesome when I was travelling a lot.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#54

Post by ne0codex »

sown wrote: post #33

this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone. It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me serious…

Reminds me of this video: http://youtu.be/c6Bkr_udado about loneliness (and how technology has influenced this)

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#55

Post by graeme »

chattoraj wrote: post #50
jxf wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "The Little Prince". Definitely worth a read!

I read it recently, and found it to be Atlas Shrugged for 5-year-olds. The only point of the story is to say: "YOU, the reader, being a child, are so much better and smarter than all these grown-up sheeple!!" All told, I like the version at the end of this page[1] much better. [1] http://the-toast.net/2013/08/02/texts-from-peter-pan-et-al/

The book is largely aimed at adults, I believe. The message is "you, the reader (and I, the author): remember that you were once a child. Remember what you've forgotten. Don't be like those I have criticized here. Live".

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#56

Post by Pxtl »

Part of the problem is that loneliness has a terrible feedback loop. Isolation makes you bitter and desperate and then nobody wants to be around you. Do it too long and your culture starts diverging from the main and connecting with new people is like crossing a river.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#57

Post by Lost_BiomedE »

Pxtl wrote: post #56

Part of the problem is that loneliness has a terrible feedback loop. Isolation makes you bitter and desperate and then nobody wants to be around you. Do it too long and your culture starts diverging from the main and connecting with new people is like crossing a river.

Then that culture is broken.

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#58

Post by pickyourking »

Lost_BiomedE wrote: post #57
Pxtl wrote: post #56

Part of the problem is that loneliness has a terrible feedback loop. Isolation makes you bitter and desperate and then nobody wants to be around you. Do it too long and your culture starts diverging from the main and connecting with new people is like crossing a river.

Then that culture is broken. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Very much so. Most people would be on the right track if they were to hide from most of what the modern world has to offer.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#59

Post by wturner »

Pxtl wrote: post #56

Part of the problem is that loneliness has a terrible feedback loop. Isolation makes you bitter and desperate and then nobody wants to be around you. Do it too long and your culture starts diverging from the main and connecting with new people is like crossing a river.

This is completely true. One thing that can break the feedback loop is to tap into something that made you happy when you were young and then find some group that does that activity.One thing I do is skateboard at a public park. Everyone is very individualistic so it appeals to that personality trait but at the same time you're loosely part of a group and engaged in an activity that inherently fires endorphins. This definitely secretes over when I'm outside of that environment.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#60

Post by Jtsummers »

sejje wrote: post #44
ams6110 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try doing volunteer work on the weekends for some cause you care about. One it will get you out of the house and two you will meet people who may be like-minded but are different enough from your co-workers as to be more interesting. I'd recommend also trying church. Not trying to push religion, but it's a way to get involved with a group of people who often organize social or community activities.

Serious question: do you (or anyone else) think it's immoral to go to church as an atheist just to meet people? I get along really well with church people, but I simultaneously hate talking about religion.

If you don't want to go to church, many church communities have activities outside the services proper and often away from the church that you can become involved in. Those might be easier to participate in. For instance, in the area I'm in, the local Roman Catholic community has a young adult group. They do the bible study things, but also pure social activities and service activities. Joining that group led to joining a soccer team which greatly expanded my social circle in the area outside of coworkers (all much older than me at that job, 20+ years) and a small group of RPG buddies. Who I mostly didn't interact with outside the Saturday game, again mostly the age difference. Two were 5-10 years younger, the rest were 10-20 years older.
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