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Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

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Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#11

Post by jsnk »

dnautics wrote: post #8
jsnk wrote: post #4

“Economics basically says you should be concerned about your own short-term interests. There’s more division in society, more segmentation; there’s less identity with a national or global persona, but rather on the family or the individual. People aren’t as loyal to their employers, and employers are certainly not as loyal to their workers.” I thought that mainstream economics has been moving towards the other direct…

I don't buy this mechanistic explanation. Society has gone through progressive levels of specialization and this has never been a problem before, so either there's a really drastic "nonlinear" effect, or there's something different about this society. My personal suspicion is that it has more to do with people broadly thinking that "others" are not good enough for them.

It's ok that you don't buy what I say.

What bothers me though is academics like the one I quoted making asinine statements as if it holds any water. It's just a pure speculation.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#12

Post by Yhippa »

dnautics wrote: post #8
jsnk wrote: post #4

“Economics basically says you should be concerned about your own short-term interests. There’s more division in society, more segmentation; there’s less identity with a national or global persona, but rather on the family or the individual. People aren’t as loyal to their employers, and employers are certainly not as loyal to their workers.” I thought that mainstream economics has been moving towards the other direct…

I don't buy this mechanistic explanation. Society has gone through progressive levels of specialization and this has never been a problem before, so either there's a really drastic "nonlinear" effect, or there's something different about this society. My personal suspicion is that it has more to do with people broadly thinking that "others" are not good enough for them.

Could you elaborate on your suspicion?

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#13

Post by polymatter »

zigzig wrote: post #7

While I've made plenty of bad decisions myself, I think a large part of why I've always been extremely lonely and isolated is that I was raised with very little sense of family or community. Growing up an only child, my parents apparently never thought it was worth me meeting the 80% of my cousins that lived in the same country, but somewhat far away. My parents themselves had scant friends or associates (at least du…

for what its worth, I think that since you know how bad it is, you know the true value in keeping in contact and thus will work for it more and be a better parent because of it.

I have to spend conscious effort to maintain my network of friends and its hard for me because its not automatic and not something I was brought up to do. I inevitably drop the ball sometimes and forget someone and have to get back into contact and reestablish our friendship. Because I know what lonliness does to me and I don't want to ever be that way again.

So if I am ever lucky enough to have my own child, I am certain I will do all I can to make sure they never feel the same. I will fight so no child of mine will ever have to bare the scars that I bare, and that resolve will make me a better parent.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#14

Post by muhuk »

everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

How did you come to meet them? (if you don't mind me asking)

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#15

Post by everyone »

muhuk wrote: post #14
everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

How did you come to meet them? (if you don't mind me asking)

Np. College, work, house-sharing, school (one who I met over 20 years ago) Though I have gone to college twice and worked in many many jobs.

The most recent intense-friend I made was at a college halloween party the year before last. I'm am generally not into wasting time with people but when I do socialise I like to go to house parties and whatnot.

I reckon for me to find one of these special people who I click with is just a statistical probability, I might find one every few 1000 people I meet, so it makes sense to go to events and meet as many people as possible. I was actually going to suggest any big event where you and everyone else are likely to be drunk is a great way to meet lots of people.

Also its handy if one of my good friends is also really generally sociable, then I will meet people/find out about parties and stuff through them.

They do suffer a slight attrition rate as, for example, a few have moved to different countries for work. The cool thing is if one had been gone for years when we do meet up again it is like no time has passed.

I have 2 in the city I live in atm. Which is fine. Only need 1 imo, but if I had 0 I think I would start feeling lonely.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#16

Post by mikecane »

sillysaurus2 wrote: post #2

Loneliness, it turns out, is as bad for your health as smoking, or being obese. The research that Prof. Cacioppo has done with colleagues also adds to the growing body of work that shows how bad loneliness can be for your health. It shows that loneliness suppresses the immune system and cardiovascular function, and increases the amount of stress hormone the body produces. It causes wear and tear on a cellular level,…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness#Effects A start.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#17

Post by kghose »

polymatter wrote: post #13
zigzig wrote: post #7

While I've made plenty of bad decisions myself, I think a large part of why I've always been extremely lonely and isolated is that I was raised with very little sense of family or community. Growing up an only child, my parents apparently never thought it was worth me meeting the 80% of my cousins that lived in the same country, but somewhat far away. My parents themselves had scant friends or associates (at least du…

for what its worth, I think that since you know how bad it is, you know the true value in keeping in contact and thus will work for it more and be a better parent because of it. I have to spend conscious effort to maintain my network of friends and its hard for me because its not automatic and not something I was brought up to do. I inevitably drop the ball sometimes and forget someone and have to get back into conta…

This. Relationships take effort. Often, one will think "Why should I make the effort? Why should I make the move? The other person has not contacted me?" But it is better to make the move and contact other people. Because a friend has not contacted you for a while does not mean they don't want to keep contact. They may be feeling lonely and down or overwhelmed.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#18

Post by scotty79 »

everyone wrote: post #10

I actually live a quite isolated existence. I dont really like most people and am very happy this way (I can read, program, play games, make music etc. in peace and not deal with the tediousness of having to interact with people I find boring) However, I do occasionally meet other people (maybe a bit like me in some ways) and we get on incredibly well. Every week or two when we feel sociable I will meet one of them f…

Meeting people every week or two is having isolated existence? I often don't see my closest (and pretty much only) friends for few months.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#19

Post by scotty79 »

kghose wrote: post #17
polymatter wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

for what its worth, I think that since you know how bad it is, you know the true value in keeping in contact and thus will work for it more and be a better parent because of it. I have to spend conscious effort to maintain my network of friends and its hard for me because its not automatic and not something I was brought up to do. I inevitably drop the ball sometimes and forget someone and have to get back into conta…

This. Relationships take effort. Often, one will think "Why should I make the effort? Why should I make the move? The other person has not contacted me?" But it is better to make the move and contact other people. Because a friend has not contacted you for a while does not mean they don't want to keep contact. They may be feeling lonely and down or overwhelmed.

I'm mostly just feeling that other people have plans no matter how trivial and I don't want to interrupt them or force them to interact with me out of politness.

Re: Life of solitude: A loneliness crisis is looming

#20

Post by dnautics »

Yhippa wrote: post #12
dnautics wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't buy this mechanistic explanation. Society has gone through progressive levels of specialization and this has never been a problem before, so either there's a really drastic "nonlinear" effect, or there's something different about this society. My personal suspicion is that it has more to do with people broadly thinking that "others" are not good enough for them.

Could you elaborate on your suspicion?

Yes, it's a bit of an extrapolation. For my social time, I go social dancing. I still get a little bit lonely from time to time but I don't think it's all that bad. But in any case, what I see happening is that when people get rather good (or even if they don't; if they THINK they are rather good) they stop dancing with people who are not as good as them. Since it's an activity where being social is also coupled to having a skill; that's an easy habit to get into, as you're encouraged to "dance up". In any case, invariable the people who don't "dance down" isolate themselves and wind up alienated from the community.

Increasingly we're becoming a credentialed society; while social strata are not necessarily inherited, there is definitely class-based stratification that people tend to not breach. It's totally rediculous; there's a guy who empties the trash bins at the end of the day at the lab I work in. He's a smart guy and super resourceful (he owns his own business, so he would have been eaten alive otherwise). And most of the PhDs are just... not friendly towards him. Why not? Is it below their station in life to interact with him?

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