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How I Learned to Work a Room

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Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#11

Post by Kequc »

statusgraph wrote: post #6
KiwiCoder wrote: post #4

I tend to introversion, and networking in a room filled with people wears me out faster than just about anything else. So, given that my social energy is limited, here's what I do: * Have a concrete goal for each event, things like: small talk with 5 random people, elevator pitch to Jane, get contact details to follow up with Jim and Mo, etc. * Step out of unproductive/negative chats asap - "excuse me, I need to make…

Your point of exiting negative chats is a very good one. The instinct (for me, anyway) is to double down and try to fight it out, which is a waste of time for everyone involved.

A fairly big revelation for me was not to act so interested when I first enter a conversation. Two things happen when I appear interested before a word has been spoken. I look awkward, and if the conversation doesn't actually interest me I've just insulted everyone. They are insulted in the form of I apparently really wanted to talk to them and then didn't like them. Thus actual awkwardness occurs while I try and look interested in them.

It's better to enter a conversation with a degree of hesitation and then walk away if nothing pans out. It may not feel like it but they appreciate that. It can also form a bond if I like them as they might feel as though they won me over.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#12

Post by digitalsushi »

timje1 wrote: post #3

Everyone sucks at networking the first few times, and public speaking the first few times, and presentations the first few times. The exact technique you use to get over that initial bump is probably not as important as just trying it a few times..

I got over my introversion in college (I was a "nontrad", i.e. a student over 24 years old per the state school definition, at least) - I just decided there's no way that anyone was paying attention to me anyways. So I might as well just say what I want, since it was almost the same as talking to myself. It worked really well in school. Once I got out and rejoined the working world, I had some fear regress because I realized I was around people that were listening again. But I had enough confidence from practicing at college that I could hurdle the second hump in basically the same manner.

It's like racing through the heliopause of the sun. You're Voyager 2, riding the solar waves. You know you're about to do your first presentation. It's going to be rough. And it is. But then you're through it, and you're in interstellar space from now on, there's no pressure.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#13

Post by prawks »

fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

This is a fantastic way to approach it, especially if:

- You are naturally curious

- The person you are meeting has a passion

Ask them a basic question about what they're passionate about, and just hold on for the ride. You'll learn a lot, and they'll love talking to you if you're an active listener.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#14

Post by mcdougle »

fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

It seems you discovered for yourself what every book on communication emphasizes -- ask questions! People would rather talk about themselves than listen to you talking about yourself, so if you just get them talking and then listen to what they have to say (you barely have to even speak most of the time!) not only will you learn quite a bit, the other person will usually come away feeling like it was a very good conversation, that you were a very good conversationalist, and will appreciate the connection with you.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#15

Post by ninjac0der »

basicallydan wrote: post #2

The language here of "working on a room" is a little bit unnerving, but he's right. If you want to meet new people and have interesting conversations, I've had similar experiences like this which I've enjoyed. Furthermore, interrupting a conversation at an event like the one he describes with the question, "so what are we talking about?" after you've gotten their attention is a good way to find something to talk abou…

To me it's too close to reality, working a room to me can only refer to my observation that it's about trying to work each person over in most situations, which I'm sure has more direct negative connotations. Then the icing on the cake, "you can too!"...

I would be more interested in a conversation about the unintended impacts of becoming better at self promotion.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#16

Post by city41 »

This is a good technique. I also find entering the situation with a set of personal challenges/goals helps diffuse the situation. By reframing the situation from "holy crap I can't do this" to "ok, I've found out what two people do for a living, one to go" lets you de-emphasize the aspects that make you nervous and end up having more natural conversations.

Blatant plug: we are building a site that helps people get better at situations like this and other challenging social situations. http://metamorf.us

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#17

Post by chflamplighter »

statusgraph wrote: post #6
KiwiCoder wrote: post #4

I tend to introversion, and networking in a room filled with people wears me out faster than just about anything else. So, given that my social energy is limited, here's what I do: * Have a concrete goal for each event, things like: small talk with 5 random people, elevator pitch to Jane, get contact details to follow up with Jim and Mo, etc. * Step out of unproductive/negative chats asap - "excuse me, I need to make…

Your point of exiting negative chats is a very good one. The instinct (for me, anyway) is to double down and try to fight it out, which is a waste of time for everyone involved.

I second that, it is one thing to actively look to enter a conversation but one must be prepared to politely move one. Time is valuable and knowing when/how to exit is an important part of any effective strategy.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#18

Post by kassner »

mcdougle wrote: post #14
fersho311 wrote: post #9

There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…

It seems you discovered for yourself what every book on communication emphasizes -- ask questions! People would rather talk about themselves than listen to you talking about yourself, so if you just get them talking and then listen to what they have to say (you barely have to even speak most of the time!) not only will you learn quite a bit, the other person will usually come away feeling like it was a very good conv…

Now that you said I'm connecting the dots with Dale Carnegie's book. I've read it, but I'm still not confident enough to start doing. This two-people tip is very more approachable, in my vision, because will limit the awkward silence when you don't get along with one person.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#19

Post by bernatfp »

When I encounter myself in these sort of situations I feel uncomfortable so I kind of empathize with the author. And it's funny because I'm working on an iPhone app which is aimed at solving these kind of situations where you want to start new conversations with strangers. It's called Joiner ( http://www.joinerapp.com ) if you want to check it out (shameless plug).

However, I think I'm not only worried by how to approach people more easily, but also to find good conversations. If it's already very hard to start a conversation with a stranger, imagine finding a good topic of conversation. In my case, on most occasions I always talk about the same thing, like what I do, where I am from and what I have studied. Because I don't know what I have in common with the other person I don't risk pushing other topics into the conversation, which would be great if, for instance, I entered a room and could instantly detect people with similar interests in technology, music or whatever.

That's why we have created Joiner, to help removing the pain of meeting new people and by making it more engaging.

Re: How I Learned to Work a Room

#20

Post by kordless »

KiwiCoder wrote: post #4

I tend to introversion, and networking in a room filled with people wears me out faster than just about anything else. So, given that my social energy is limited, here's what I do: * Have a concrete goal for each event, things like: small talk with 5 random people, elevator pitch to Jane, get contact details to follow up with Jim and Mo, etc. * Step out of unproductive/negative chats asap - "excuse me, I need to make…

Working the smoking area is much easier than working the room. Best conversations of my life have been standing on a curb with another smoker. I quit about a year ago, but still use the ecig.
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