431–440 of 635 posts
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I'm not missing the point of pearjuice' argument. In each of his/her posts, he shifts the blame from the perpetrator (Joe) to the victim (Justine) and follows up by taking it to some weird extremes "So what women need to start doing is carrying guns? If a man starts touching you without your consent you shoot them, simple, right?" and using Wikipedia to define body shots and erogenous zones. You do it in your post wi…
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I don't think anyone is suggesting that she was asking for it. However, from the report it is ambiguous whether she clearly stated "no" at any point (reminding him he's married may have been a clear no statement, but we don't know for sure). Unfortunately this ambiguity is giving rise to the arguments above. I am civilised. I think that your attitude (suggesting that someone whose opinion differs from yours should be…
The sort of victim blaming attitude shown by their comments helps to perpetuate social constructs that enable a substantial amount of physical harm. Additionally, "they hadn't said no" is not a justification for putting your hand inside somebody's trousers. Trying to paint an obvious failure of basic consent as ambiguous is, to my mind, at the very least "maybe she was asking for it", which I find no less unpleasant.…
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If you are her boss, you don't do those things at all.
If you are an employee, you don't do those things near your boss.
Their is a power imbalance in the employee/employer relationship, and it is almost always skewed to the employer. That's why there are unions, and workplace relations laws.
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> Did you read where he jammed his tongue down her throat? No. > Did you read where he groped her ass? Yes. > Did you read the part about penetrating her with his finger? No. Quit trying to sensationalize the story.
So on top of a lack of reading comprehension, we have people blaming the victim ? Is it any wonder women find it hard to exist in the tech world?
Are you implying that I blamed the victim? What was that again about reading comprehension?
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Please read the last paragraph. She didn't want to make this post, but an outcry for details from the community forced her hand.
I did, it's just that they didn't make it clear who the "community" was and how they had gotten wind of the problem, and what exactly they were demanding and how they were demanding it. In any case, I still think she should have gone through a different route. Why should masses of strangers dictate whether or not you have reveal personal information? I really wish I could help this person (assuming the story is accur…
You had to read Twitter to see the deluge of requests from Rubyists wanting gory details.
Making it public helps keep others safe by allowing them to know to be very careful around someone while he is drinking.
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Yeah, "amazing" is not really the word I was thinking of. There's a lot that is strange about this story, and that detail about the boyfriend tying his legs together with a belt is just the icing on the cake. That is bizarre, almost disturbing behaviour. I am not going to comment on the case at all but for me several details from this article cast a very strange light on the whole scene, and that one just takes the c…
Have you ever lived with, much less been in love with a victim of sexual assault? This is hardly bizarre, almost disturbing behavior, given the circumstances. I can imagine Justine lashing out at her boyfriend because she may not have properly addressed what happened to her.
I was not there, but taking the post at face value, it was right for Joe to be dismissed. His behaviour was inappropriate and unprofessional. The company's whitewashing was also regrettable. But I have difficulty dismissing the notion that the rather extreme reaction from Justine is indicative of some underlying issues she might have. I concur with the top-voted comment that she may benefit from therapy.
What Joe did was wrong, yes. But there is no line that connects that dot with Justine's boyfriend tying his fucking ankles together while sleeping on a couch. That is something else entirely, and I stand by what I said.
I think there's a deeper cultural problem here: that the behavior of Joe had that much of an impact on Justine's life in the first place. There are women that would experience the same thing, but would not retreat into themselves in this extreme way. There are even women that would shrug it off. However, the response of Justine matches ancient societal expectations: if a woman has been violated, she loses all value.…
This comes dangerously close to victim-blaming. Let me tell you that what Justine is feeling is absolutely not some social construct built exclusively on archaic misogyny. I have known more than one gay man who was raped and felt exactly the same way. You might consider that at least some of the women who appear to deal better with being assaulted are actually just putting on a brave front to avoid being pitied and c…
Bringing up that men can also be raped and will feel 'the exact same way' is a good point, but I believe a red herring. A central point of my argument is that all people do not feel 'the same way'. It's exactly the fact that some people feel differently that makes clear that the consequences for Justine's life could have been far less if she had had different beliefs. And I bring this up because I believe it can reduce the consequences for future Justines and perhaps is useful to future Justine.
I feel bad for Joe. What he did was not malicious. He is not an abuser or predator. He did a dumb thing. This story isn't about a rapist or someone who preys on women. It's about a drunk man who thought he was going to score. A man who was becoming increasingly physical with a woman who he was attracted to, and who invited him to do a body shot after he had grabbed her ass. For those who don't know what body shots ar…
No man has ever touched the rear of any female by first asking bluntly, "Is it alright if I touch your butt?". No woman has ever told a man, "I would now like you to touch my butt." While I agree with you that this is less common than communicating through body language, it sounds like a great exaggeration to say "No man" or "No woman" .
Let's be very clear here - if you have anyone who you are managing, then you need to take care not to get drunk and horny around them, you must certainly never initiate a sexual relationship of any sort with them unless you first take steps to ensure that any power imbalance is removed (this is almost impossible), and you should take care never to allow alcohol to impair your judgement whilst at work-related events.
Frankly, I can't believe I even have to say this. This should be obvious, and if not then it should be made clear to anyone in management that there are certain boundaries you must not cross. There is a very valid reason why managers are normally somewhat aloof from their staff - it is wise to remember the maxim that it is often lonely at the top.
I think there's a deeper cultural problem here: that the behavior of Joe had that much of an impact on Justine's life in the first place. There are women that would experience the same thing, but would not retreat into themselves in this extreme way. There are even women that would shrug it off. However, the response of Justine matches ancient societal expectations: if a woman has been violated, she loses all value.…
>walls of text everywhere trying to examine the situation and blame those involved You guys have to deal with it that she voluntarily lied down on a bar, induced by alcohol with other men around her and OFFERED her body to be licked. In which universe did she saw an expected outcome of not being approached with a sexual tone? They were drinking the entire night and all those geeky guys normally filled with anxiety co…
Now. I can't speak to that. As a white male I've never been in a situation like that in my life. And I'd bet a lot of money that you haven't, either. So you know what? We should probably both avoid talking as if we know what it feels like.
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Just because she consented to the shot part does NOT mean she was offering anything else. Die in a fucking fire, you victim blaming moronic waste of fucking skin. Or at the very least get the fuck out of my fucking industry so you stop giving those of us with a penis and a clue a bad name. Fuck you.
That's a lot of ad hominem we got there. You may want to slow down a bit and take things easy. >Just because she consented to the shot part does NOT mean she was offering anything else "A body shot is a shot of alcohol (such as tequila) that is consumed from a person's body, usually from erogenous zones such as the navel or the breasts." ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Food_play#Alcohol ) Reading further: "An erogeno…
Yeah. That's sick.