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A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

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Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#131
post #97
post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this happen before as well. I wonder if it would help to have a mechanism that basically removes the user's ability to log in but preserves their data.

Facebook actually has an option to "memorialize" accounts: https://www.facebook.com/help/150486848354038

What does memorialize mean? My father died some years ago and his account is still there, so I'm curious.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#132

As one of the older folks on HN, I can tell you that death in the age of facebook is strange in that even when they are gone there's still a "there-ness" to them thanks to left over accounts. Its almost like at any moment, a tweet will pop up or an update to a wall... Perhaps that's the 21st century version of seeing ghosts.

My best friend since 5th grade recently passed a few months ago. People are still tagging him in pictures and whatnot. Occasionally people will tag him in photos I haven't seen yet and for a brief second I think he's still alive. Very distressing.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#133

Surely I'm not the only one who read the screenshotted exchanges and thought: He just told the OP he's waiting for "answers" from the doctor. He can't make travel plans. He says it's long, gruesome, UGH. Guys. In case you have the social instinct of a cockroach, this is what they call A SIGN. Not a subtle one, either. That is when you LEAP to care for your friend. Here's what you do. You ask: Wait a minute, forget ab…

This was my thought too. The OP's friend seemed to be responding to each communication with leading statements and not once does it elicit a "tell me more" or "Oh goodness Mike, what's wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#134
post #95

This is why Facebook/Social networks cannot replace real life interactions. Maybe they weren't as close of a friend as you thought? If you don't hear from someone for two years and never make a phone call to reach out/or spend them with them, it sounds like they were more of an acquaintance than a real friend. I quit facebook back in April, and I can say that my friendships with true friends have been getting stronge…

This is such a shortsighted and cruel thing to say.

I mean no disrespect to the original author. It is just that online social networks use the term "friend" when it really doesn't apply.

ex: If you spend time with a friend weekly or even monthly and then suddenly you never hear or speak to them again. Don't you think you'd actively pursue them to find out what is up before too long? I'm sure you wouldn't wait two years to investigate.

Quitting facebook/social networks will show you who your real friends are.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#135
post #15

As one of the older folks on HN, I can tell you that death in the age of facebook is strange in that even when they are gone there's still a "there-ness" to them thanks to left over accounts. Its almost like at any moment, a tweet will pop up or an update to a wall... Perhaps that's the 21st century version of seeing ghosts.

And the post-death messages that they like Ikea, or Chipotle, which are spooky, weird and tacky, all at once.

[deleted]

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#136

This is why Facebook/Social networks cannot replace real life interactions. Maybe they weren't as close of a friend as you thought? If you don't hear from someone for two years and never make a phone call to reach out/or spend them with them, it sounds like they were more of an acquaintance than a real friend. I quit facebook back in April, and I can say that my friendships with true friends have been getting stronge…

How is one related to the other? If it is true that he wasn't as close of a friend with the guy as he thought, what does that have to do with facebook? Without facebook he might not have had any interaction with the guy at all. How does quitting facebook help in that situation? I know in my situation there are lots of people on facebook that I wouldn't know anything about what they were doing if they weren't on faceb…

Quitting facebook will show you who your true friends are. It also allows you to focus on people that matter, and not people who are no longer a meaningful part of your life.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#137
post #23
post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And the post-death messages that they like Ikea, or Chipotle, which are spooky, weird and tacky, all at once.

It really gives "famous last words" a whole new meaning since all your tweets and Facebook statuses are forever immortalized. It makes me wonder what seemingly mundane thing will be the last thing people see from me on social media and will in turn be the first thing people see on my page when they find out I'm dead. It reminds me of Cory Monteith's (from Glee) recent passing. His last tweets were, "what the crap is…

Very. Before my best friend passed, that morning his final tweet was "Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die." He died in a drunk driving accident in which he was the passenger several hours later that afternoon.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#139
post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Facebook actually has an option to "memorialize" accounts: https://www.facebook.com/help/150486848354038

What does memorialize mean? My father died some years ago and his account is still there, so I'm curious.

The most important thing it does is remove them from suggest a friend requests list which can be very disturbing to receive.

'John wants to connect with you', Oh that's cool, wtf?! John's dead?!

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#140

Surely I'm not the only one who read the screenshotted exchanges and thought: He just told the OP he's waiting for "answers" from the doctor. He can't make travel plans. He says it's long, gruesome, UGH. Guys. In case you have the social instinct of a cockroach, this is what they call A SIGN. Not a subtle one, either. That is when you LEAP to care for your friend. Here's what you do. You ask: Wait a minute, forget ab…

It seems wrong to say both that he has the "social instinct of a cockroach" and that he's selfish (implying his oversight was a choice). I'm inclined to believe it's the former, given that he is making a post like this. Social instinct is not easy for many programmers, myself included. Your comment almost amounts to assigning blame via the butterfly effect.

edit: rewording my first sentence per comment below

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