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A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

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Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#91

Post by gohrt »

stmchn wrote: post #23
LanceH wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And the post-death messages that they like Ikea, or Chipotle, which are spooky, weird and tacky, all at once.

It really gives "famous last words" a whole new meaning since all your tweets and Facebook statuses are forever immortalized. It makes me wonder what seemingly mundane thing will be the last thing people see from me on social media and will in turn be the first thing people see on my page when they find out I'm dead. It reminds me of Cory Monteith's (from Glee) recent passing. His last tweets were, "what the crap is…

I'm sure that people who knew him (either personally or by enjoying his acting work) remember him differently. People who just followed him on Twitter, meh.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#92

Post by antidaily »

United857 wrote: post #21

Sadly, this is a byproduct of a passivity in relationships that seems to be more pervasive in the Facebook era. You don't need to reach out to your friends anymore, instead, we just consume each other's broadcasts.

And yet, where would we be without it? And it's not entirely passive. I hate Facebook in many ways but am thankful I get to see pics of my friend's babies and share sports news with friends I just dont have time to talk on the phone with often.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#94

Post by ics »

nostromo wrote: post #36
noonespecial wrote: post #8

As one of the older folks on HN, I can tell you that death in the age of facebook is strange in that even when they are gone there's still a "there-ness" to them thanks to left over accounts. Its almost like at any moment, a tweet will pop up or an update to a wall... Perhaps that's the 21st century version of seeing ghosts.

A story from a friend: His friend died and all of his accounts went silent along with some grieving notes. Then, a few months later, the deceased's account was compromised by a spammer. Posts from a spammer posing as a dead friend is about the worst kind of spam I can imagine.

I've seen this happen before as well. I wonder if it would help to have a mechanism that basically removes the user's ability to log in but preserves their data.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#95

Post by gohrt »

eyeareque wrote: post #86

This is why Facebook/Social networks cannot replace real life interactions. Maybe they weren't as close of a friend as you thought? If you don't hear from someone for two years and never make a phone call to reach out/or spend them with them, it sounds like they were more of an acquaintance than a real friend. I quit facebook back in April, and I can say that my friendships with true friends have been getting stronge…

This is such a shortsighted and cruel thing to say.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#96

Post by verisimilidude »

stmchn wrote: post #11

This happened with the first friend I ever made taking my CS degree. We were in a lot of classes together and corresponded on a semi-regular basis on Facebook over school breaks and things. I had talked to him a couple months prior to this school year starting, but once I got back and noticed he wasn't in any of the classes we were supposed to have together, a mutual friend of ours informed me that he had committed s…

I'm familiar with this feeling.

It was around Christmas 2009, back in my middle-of-nowhere hometown. We got the old high school posse back together for the first time in 7 or 8 years. Everyone was doing pretty well on their own terms, from my one friend running his repair shop, to my other friend finishing up at an elite law school, to my own international adventures.

All of us, except one.

Despite getting an MBA, this dude was totally stuck in a rut, unemployed and somehow marooned back in our shitty hometown. I already had plans to return later in January and told him I'd give him a call. By the middle of January, he was gone.

I've always wondered if my failure to set up plans to meet with him contributed to his depression and ultimate demise—if there's anything I could've noticed or done to stop it. Probably not, because he had lots of other problems. But I think the thought is always going to follow me.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#97

Post by krallin »

ics wrote: post #94
nostromo wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A story from a friend: His friend died and all of his accounts went silent along with some grieving notes. Then, a few months later, the deceased's account was compromised by a spammer. Posts from a spammer posing as a dead friend is about the worst kind of spam I can imagine.

I've seen this happen before as well. I wonder if it would help to have a mechanism that basically removes the user's ability to log in but preserves their data.

Facebook actually has an option to "memorialize" accounts: https://www.facebook.com/help/150486848354038

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#98

Post by mildtrepidation »

Having lost -- I think? -- a friend whom I had before the advent of "friend me on FB," I can tell you there are more ambiguous, stranger ways to lose a friend, and they involve not finding out.

I don't actually know he's dead. I only know that none of our mutual friends have heard from him, and that he was fighting with almost-certainly-terminal cancer to begin with.

The supremely interconnected world of social media has certainly created problems. But there are other circumstances that people don't understand as well, situated some time between "all we have is the postal service" and "all we had was email" that don't even give you the closure of an obviously-defunct Facebook account or the direct reassurance of other friends/relatives.

Many people here might not realize that before this sort of issue there was an entirely different one, and it ends with... well, it doesn't end. Which is really the problem.

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#99

Post by tsycho »

ToastyMallows wrote: post #79
Afforess wrote: post #16

This is why setting up a deathswitch with a trusted friend to manage your online accounts upon death is critical. Wills are nice and all but I don't trust my close family to be proficient enough to correctly close out my online accounts.

Google actually has a form of this, called Inactive Account Manager. You can pick an amount of time and who you want to control your information when you die (or go into a coma?). Pretty awesome, I set mine up already. https://www.google.com/settings/account/inactive‎

Your link seems to have some hidden chars at the end, which is why it's not working (for me, atleast). Here's the link without the extra chars - https://www.google.com/settings/account/inactive

Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea

#100

Post by Afforess »

sliverstorm wrote: post #59
Afforess wrote: post #16

This is why setting up a deathswitch with a trusted friend to manage your online accounts upon death is critical. Wills are nice and all but I don't trust my close family to be proficient enough to correctly close out my online accounts.

That's really not what I took away from this. Why do you... you know, care what happens to your online accounts? Web accounts are no more special than your library or toll road accounts. The only reason bank accounts matter at all is because the contest need to be disbursed.

It is selfish to not inform your online contacts & friends of your death. Think of it that way.
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